Will council rehouse 16 year old if we throw him out?

Alleycat

I actually think there have been some very helpful and informative posts on this board. The OP asked whether the council would be able to help if they asked the lad to leave and he has been advised on what would happen. Obviously people will try to help in other ways and give alternative suggestions, which may be useful to the OP if he has not tried them or been aware of them. Yes, some people have said what they feel and to be honest I think it may have been because the OP was pretty short and sweet. Unfortunately many parents don't try to resolve things first and just kick the kids out when things are tough. I have seen many parent role up to the Housing Office with their children on the day of their 16th birthday, luggage in hand. When asked if mediation, referrals to drug and/or alcohol agencies have been sought the answer has been no. I am not saying that this is the case with this particular situation, but can understand some of the responses even if I don't necessarily agree.

chugalug

I, for one, was not trying to be unkind to the OP, just injecting a bit of reality into the situation.

He may be at the end of his tether, he didnt give much information. Before my posting he'd had advice about what the council could do for this child and I wanted to put another side.

There is very little for a young person who is thrown out of home. Many of the posters who were offering an alternative view have seen it from another side.

For me, I wasnt thrown out but walked out at 16 (and pregnant to boot!!) I made it very difficult for myself but have never regretted it.

For my brother it was different. On one of the occassions we were put into care he got into drugs via glue sniffing at the age of 14 and never got off them. He died 4 years ago at the age of 34 - in squalor, something I will never forgive my mother for. It was her lack of parenting skills (complete neglect and emotional detatchment) that sent us all off the rails.

I stand by what I said. Through work, I have seen many children turfed out by their parents because their behaviour isn't manageable. They often end up in very poor situations. If someone takes responsibility early on then problems can often be worked through. Don't children deserve that chance. After all, we have them and its our duty to take the rough with the smooth.

For many, drug taking and aggression is the result of problems not the problem. I'm not suggesting the aggression and violence is accepted. Just that throwing him out will do more harm than good in the long run. You won't sort out his problems by rejecting him.

You can set boundaries and rules, work out ways to manage aggression and deal with it. Obviously the young person has to accept that they have to change but they'll need help to do so.

I'm not speaking from the vantage point of someone moralising but as someone who was homeless at 16, whose siblings also went the same way, who deals with homelessness and very troubled teenagers every day. Throwing him out might seem like a solution now but will his mother forgive herself if it all turns out horribly wrong, will he forgive her. What about when your children are going through a rough patch, will you throw them out too??? Children have a nasty habit of not turning out how you expect them to, I hope you're prepared for that.

Just go through all the options before taking such a drastic, damaging step.

Murtle

princess wrote:

Im sorry to say I think a few of the replies here have been very unkind to the OP and hugely unhelpful....

<snip>
A short while ago there was another thread on here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=147238&page=1&
about a lad the same age being abusive to his sister (an adult) and more or less all the posters recommended involving the police!! Why the change of heart now??
< snip>

I would say the information given is different and from a different perspective. In this instance the OP has given some information but maybe not mentioned any action already taken to try and resolve the problem and the question of will the council re-house the 16 year old. I like Alleycat have seen children turn up on their 16th birthday ready for their new place! Including the children of some of the housing staff.....and on realising that it's not all fun and games, realising that they can't go home as they'd not be able to get back so easily on to the housing list a second time. Maybe these things cloud answers, maybe not? From the information given though it does sound like there are underlying issues with the 16 year old that should maybe be looked at (if they haven't already) and supported to improve. Only the OP knows the full picture and hopefully they can read and take the information they need in regards to if the council will re-house.

x x x

raymond

gravitytolls wrote:

If the dog bit your baby, or even yourself, I think you'd be putting your safety and that of the other more vulnerable members of your household first and foremost.

Fair comment, but you wouldnt kick it out in the street to bite the neighbours (or mug OAP's) would you ?

gravitytolls

No, you'd have it put down.

The OP isn't suggesting throwing his stepson onto the street though is he? He's asking if the council will house him; if anyone knows of an organisation that will provide safe housing for a troubled, vulnerable person, they should post, as that's the bloody question here.

There are times when a situation has deteriorated into such dire straits that all involved need time apart to catch their breath.

If this question was about an autistic child, for instance, who was violent and strong, you'd all be leapoing in with supporting messages. But because it's drugs, and you don't know the background behind the post, some of seem to think the OP is fair game to target vitriol at.

Hey, why don't you all imagine being in a situation like the OP's, imagine a violent, abusive young man in your home, around your young children; now reread your 'advice'. Does it still seem reasonable?

savvy

chugalug wrote:

I stand by what I said. Through work, I have seen many children turfed out by their parents because their behaviour isn't manageable. They often end up in very poor situations. If someone takes responsibility early on then problems can often be worked through. Don't children deserve that chance. After all, we have them and its our duty to take the rough with the smooth.

For many, drug taking and aggression is the result of problems not the problem. I'm not suggesting the aggression and violence is accepted. Just that throwing him out will do more harm than good in the long run. You won't sort out his problems by rejecting him.

DITTO........I see MANY teens at my college who are basically 'abandoned' or alienated in one form or another.............and it's heartbreaking to see some of these guys on the path to self destruction, I can only hope I am able to reach out to a fraction of them with the limited resources I have. I've wanted to take so many under my wing, but it's unethical and we're advised to not get drawn in.......................however being a tutor it IS difficult at times!

I was merely trying to help, and take offence to the suggestion that the OP hasn't received any fantastic posts here! I read what appeared to be a very desperate post with a very desperate situation. As has been previously stated the OP did come across quite terse in his posting, and maybe that has evoked a sense of fear in many, for this teenager.

That aside I still took time out of my hectic life to research and put the links in for the teenager, AND the OP and mother, to hopefully find help for them in this situation.........it wasn't a selfish act, entirely done for that family! (Oh, and not even done for click of the thanks button either before anyone tries to suggest that!)

Everyone has a different opinion or take on a situation, and to be able to make balanced and considered decisions means weighing up every possiblility, hence my plea of "Please consider EVERYTHING before turning him out on the streets" and the hope that the OP tries to find the reason for the teens' behaviour.

savvy

gravitytolls wrote:

If this question was about an autistic child, for instance, who was violent and strong, you'd all be leapoing in with supporting messages. But because it's drugs, and you don't know the background behind the post, some of seem to think the OP is fair game to target vitriol at.

Not neccesarily so, my friend has an autistic son who can be violent at times...............she finds herself as 'fair game' from neighbours who feel their house prices have dropped because of his 'strange' behaviours, she's split up form her husband because of the pressure and has also had a breakdown mainly due to lack of help and people's prejudice's.

Godders

gravitytolls wrote:

If this question was about an autistic child, for instance, who was violent and strong, you'd all be leapoing in with supporting messages. But because it's drugs, and you don't know the background behind the post, some of seem to think the OP is fair game to target vitriol at.

If the child was autistic would the OP be considering just telling them to leave the house and expect the council to take them in as homeless?

gravitytolls

I think you are being slightly pedantic now. I'm sure you know what I mean. It's simply another example of a situation in which a person/family may feel helpless. Of course expecting the council to house them (which he isn't, he's asking would they?), but he may reasonably ask another organisation to help with residential help.

gravitytolls

savvy wrote:

Not neccesarily so, my friend has an autistic son who can be violent at times...............she finds herself as 'fair game' from neighbours who feel their house prices have dropped because of his 'strange' behaviours, she's split up form her husband because of the pressure and has also had a breakdown mainly due to lack of help and people's prejudice's.

I'm sure, it must be a horrendous situation for her. However, if she were to post on here, and not ask her neighbours, I'm sure she would find people more supportive, as the son's behaviour would be considered out of his and her hands.

But you are aware, I know, that drug use is often as much out of the hands of teh user and certainly the family.