Will council rehouse 16 year old if we throw him out?

michaels

My wife's 16 year old is due to taek gcse's in June (but unlikely to take many as he goes ot school when he feels like it and has done no course work)

I am worried about having him in the house with our 2 babies as he regularly uses drugs and often becomes violent smashing household objects and threatening physical violence, it makes no difference if the babies are present and often things he throws go close to them.

Would the council have a duty to rehouse him if we asked him to leave the house?

bobsa1

The council would have to look at your son as a vulnerable adult and possibly he would be given homeless priority.

This does not mean he would have to be given a council property, they may help him to get property with a housing association or in the private sector.

Are you sure that throwing your son out is really best for him and the family? The reality is that a sixteen year old is unlikely to be able to look after themselves in a tenancy and could then be evicted.

This could end with your son on the streets.

Have you sought help and advice to tackle his drugs and school issues? A vulnerable young person is likely to get even more involved in drug culture.

Savvy_Sue

There is a sticky at the top of this board entitled "Drugs in the Family" which may be helpful. And it is possible that the council will be able to offer pointers towards specialist youth accommodation, which might give the lad the support and help he needs.

I would recommend that you and your wife get support, even if the lad himself doesn't want any of it ...

crutches

the local council(social services) have a duty to consider the welfare of your babies and may be able to help place him in a teenage housing hostel.
Tough Love is hard but it has to be done.
It is hard for your wife because this is her son.Help her to make decisions based on the welfare of all your children......and give her a big hug.

mae

Why don't you look up the princes trust on the web they sometimes sponsor people to go on boot camp type things to help turn their life around and it has worked for many people. If you just throw him out the problem is not solved and he will still keep coming back for money or rows or worse. Also families anonymous helped us very much when my brother was on drugs and tough love did help in our family but we did that after we had tried every single avenue of helping him. Good luck

chugalug

I don't condone what this boy is doing but try looking at it from his point of view. He's had to share his mother with a new partner and now there are babies in the house further alienating him. And just when he's feeling crap, angry and frustrated by the sound of it, there's the ultimate rejection - his mother's choosing her new family over him. I'm not saying he's right just that sometimes we forget how magnified and intense problems become when you're a teenager. Please, if you do throw him out, continue to back him up. Don't reject him completely. It sounds like he needs help and is crying out for it. The problem won't be solved by throwing him out it will just not be in your face. Have you tried everything? Are you listening to him? I'm just concerned that he's being seen as just a problem when really he's only a kid himself. Sorry if I sound like I'm not considering the rest of your family but he's part of the family as well.

The council are likely to pick him up if he knows to go there but are you aware of the reality of how he will have to live if this happens. Because the council cannot now leave families in B&B, they use them as temporary accommodation for young people, often in distress like your step son. If its not a B&B it will be a hostel. He'll be surrounded by people with drug, alcohol and mental health problems which will make his situation worse. He'll receive IS and HB. He'll maybe receive £30pw IS and out of this will have to pay £8-12 service charges leaving him insufficient to live on. How will he live? He could turn to dealing drugs to fund his habit and get food. That'll be easy cos everyone else there will be in the same situation.

Can you not get him other help before its too late. Have you tried the CAB for information about youth projects, what about the youth information shop, what about your/his GP, social services. Its really hard I know but I've seen the rapid decline that happens when parents react the way you want to and in reality it will either make or break him. The majority are broken and end up in prison or worse.

just a thought, what about a foyer. Do they have them in your area? These are 'homes' for youngsters under 25. They have to go to college to pick up their education but in return get their own room and help on the premises ie counselling. They have to be drug free though so maybe thats something for the future. I really hope you can get help and use eviction as the last resort.

margaretclare

I just think it's appalling that people can talk so coolly about 'throwing him out' (their son) and expecting that the council (which we all pay for) will give him house-room when you're not prepared to.

I just think it's appalling, that's all....

'Nuff said.

Margaret Clare

stamford

crutches wrote:

the local council(social services) have a duty to consider the welfare of your babies and may be able to help place him in a teenage housing hostel.
Tough Love is hard but it has to be done.
It is hard for your wife because this is her son.Help her to make decisions based on the welfare of all your children......and give her a big hug.

I had a similar situation this time in 2003 18 yr old wifes son, drug abuser had already blown out on his GCSE's then wasted a year skiving off college. No violence in house though just dumb insolence and disobedience with no respect for the rest of family or the property eg wardrobe covered in grafitti etc. Deal was get a job and start paying for your board & lodging - job lasted a couple of months (flipping burgers in the MegaBowl), booze and cannabis abuse continued, did not want to get another job nor get up before 1pm. After repeated warnings WITH WIFES AGREEMENT I kicked him out. He spent couple of weeks dossing on some other muppets floor then council put him in some sort of teenage hostel for disaffected wasters.

One year later despite her agreeing to the eviction she used it against me in divorce ! He's now living with her in rented ex council house quickly helping her spend the cash settlement. In hindsight though good riddance to 2 x bad rubbish :j

chinagirl

I work with young school leavers, advising them with regard to benefits they can claim, and from what I see on a day-to-day basis, PLEASE DON'T THROW HIM OUT!

This will not solve anything. You are the adults here, you must take responsibility and deal with the issue. Get some help from Connexions, the careers service, they do excellent drug and self-harm councelling. My teenage son was a nightmare too, only just being allowed to stay on at school, such poor attendance and lateness we were threatened with Court Action, massive arguments and slanging matches at home. It would have been easy to say 'throw him out' for the sake of our 2 much younger children, but I am so glad we rode out the storm, as he has started a 2 year NVQ college course, and has matured so much, holding down a Saturday job as well.
All while we were having problems with him at home, at work I would see other young lads of a similar age being abandoned by their parents, and I could see what a HUGE mistake this would turn out to be. Nobody benefits from disowning their teenage child. Please don't do it. As I said before, get all the help you can, but stick with it! Treat it as a challenge if you like, to try to detatch yourself from all the emotions, and you find you can think more rationally about finding a compromise.

savvy

Totally agree with you chugalug, without knowing the entire story of course, it does sound a little like a teenagers stereotypical stepfamily situation. I have a student going through the exact same thing.........the lad doesn't know whether he's coming or going and it's affecting everything!

There are agencies out there that can help in this situation as well as advice websites (you'd have to do a search for your area);
Likeitis
Drugs scope
Connexions; should be able to find info at school for this, he should be in touch with them to know what his options are if he fails his GCSE's
Raising Kids Help for ALL your children
BUPA info for you AND him
FRANK an excellent site for teenagers with search facilities for your area
Parents of Teens Message board where you AND your wife can find out more
RU Thinking

Please consider EVERYTHING before turning him out on the streets and making him someone else's problem, I'm sorry but the reality is you married this woman and when you did, you agreed to take on her son, why should someone else (other than biological father) pay the price

Have you tried stepfamily counselling?? There's a reason WHY he's doing this!

Don't forget Michaels, you have another 2 budding teenagers there get it right with this one now, and when the other 2 get there you'll be more prepared.

Good luck

bonnie_2

i agree with margaret i think it is disgusting that this kid is crying out for help when all you keep saying is our babies.
if you take on a wife and son you should have respnsibility for them.
this is typical attention seeking behaviour and no one to blame but yourselves sorry to be harsh but why should someone else pick up your !!!! up.
i bet this kid isnt shown any love or attention at all. do you praise him take him out for the day.