Will council rehouse 16 year old if we throw him out?

callansdad

Sorry this is going to be very long....forgive me.
I got kicked out by my mum when i was 17, i'm now 22 and have owned 3 homes in that time. I have 2 lovely kids and i am getting married in June. Things could have been so different though.

I wasn't doing drugs or being violent. I was just doing the same as every other teenager my age. I went to my local pub at the weekend then stayed at my boyfriends (who i am marrying, he lived with his parents at the time). My mum hated the fact that i was going against her wishes. I worked at a local factory (i also worked in a hotel at the weekends but it only covered the transport just), at this point it was summer, i had been working evening shifts there before going to college but gave up my job so i could look after my younger siblings so my mum could work the same shift instead. During the summer i worked day shift and only earned £90 a week approx, i had to pay my mum £30 a week digs! I stopped babysitting my siblings during this which she didn't take too well too. I worked from 7.30am - 4pm then babysat from 4.30pm-10.30pm. I wasn't allowed my friends in and i wasn't allowed to use the phone, i was exhausted so gave it up. One week i had a birthday present to get so couldn't afford to eat and pay digs so i told my mum i couldn't pay. The next week she demanded £60 which i still couldn't afford. She kicked me out, with nothing but the clothes i had been wearing from working in the kitchen hotel and some of my college books.

I was very lucky. I had a brilliant mate who took me in for a few weeks till my OH bought his first flat then i went to live with him. I took a year out of college to sort myself out and work as it was difficult getting a bursary as i hadnt been living myself for 3 years and my mum refused to sign anything. Still to this day i resent the fact she kicked me out even though i landed on my feet. Petty little things annoy me the worst. I was given a mountain bike for my 16th bday. I asked for it and was told and i quote "i will give you £50 for it" I didn't want the money but i knew the bike was worth more. I was then told "Even if you don't take the money you are still not getting the bike so take the money and !!!!!! off" Pretty pathetic considering it was a present!

I get along brilliantly with my mum now, she still has the bike lol and no one has used it since i last did. The one thing that annoys me is that my 14 yr old sister has been in trouble with the police, is out having sex, smoking, drinking and bunking off school and shes risking getting kicked out of school and shes never really been disciplined apart from being grounded.

I owe my life to my OH and my kind friend who took me in. If it hadn't been for them i don't know where i would be now but i know for a fact i wouldn't be in the position i am in now. Please think carefully before kicking him out, i know what he is doing is wrong and it must be so difficult for your family but if he doesn't have the support that i had then he could wind up on the streets which would only make him worse in the long run. Even though i talk to my mum now i will always remember how i was treated by her and so will OH. She thought she could run my life and thats why i am so proud of where i am now because i know that i have worked bloody hard to get there. Your son probably thinks you are trying to make all his decisions, taking drugs and being violent is his emotional outlet. I believe there is no right and wrong here in regards to what to do next.....but there are consequences of whatever decision that you make, these are what you have to consider. He needs time to mature and grow up but its gonna be hard on all of you. Seek professional advice..... there must be someone out there that can support you in this difficult time. Your babies safety is very important, stress this to whoever you talk to. I hope that you can work this out, i wish you all the luck in the world. xx

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Michael, I'd like to suggest you contact your local Drug Action Team or local Early Intervention Team, both contactable through your local council or mental health services. They will help to sort things out so everyone has the best outcome possible.

Murtle

michaels wrote:

My wife's 16 year old is due to taek gcse's in June (but unlikely to take many as he goes ot school when he feels like it and has done no course work)

I am worried about having him in the house with our 2 babies as he regularly uses drugs and often becomes violent smashing household objects and threatening physical violence, it makes no difference if the babies are present and often things he throws go close to them.

Would the council have a duty to rehouse him if we asked him to leave the house?

From my experience with local housing you would be expected to go through mediation first.

A 16 year old can't hold a tennancy on their own so they wouldn't have a house so to speak.

You are not asking someone to "leave the house" you are throwing a child out into a world he is clearly not ready for at one of the most important academic times in life. You have had some fantastic responses here, but the repercussions of evicting a child will be long lasting for ALL concerned, including your "babies".

I hope you can resolve the problems that he is clearly facing, goodness the hardest thing for me at age 16 was when I told my parents I was moving out....they told me "I wasn't". I had to stay, learn the discipline and get to grips! I wish your the 16 year old all the courage to face the problems he has

x x

Alleycat

If you decide to kick your 16 year old out they can present to their local Homeless Advice Team (local authority). They would be treated as priority need due to their age, but it would depend on the circumstances that led up to their being homeless as to whether they would be found to be intentionally or unintentionally homeless (if intentional there would be no duty to rehouse). In general, the child would be expected to agree to mediation with their family to try and resolve the issues and therefore prevent them being homeless. Obviously if this is tried and the family are unwilling to either get involved or work out an adequate solution then there would be a duty to provide assistance. This would entail temporary accommodation, a young persons hostel or supported accommodation such as Foyer (which is a national organisation) or such scheme.

The local authority can rehouse into a flat on a permanent basis but there would need to be support in place for which there is generally a long waiting list. The problem with a lot of the supported housing schemes, is that although all the residents are young people (usually 16 to 25 yrs) there is usually a lot of drugs, alcohol, violence and general bad news behaviour there. I know a lot of young people do do well in such places but if someone is already going off the rails in a big way, it can serve to perpetuate and increase the problem.

It obviously sounds like something needs to be done to curb your partner's son, but throwing him out on the street when he has a drug problem I don't believe is the answer. The downward spiral that this could and does lead to is not pretty. Yes, he is 16, but in my eyes he is still a child and the responsiblity of his parents. The local authority should not be made to pick up the pieces again and again in this way and there are plenty of good agencies out there as has been already mentioned that can and will do all they can to help. Yes, you could set down an ultimatum to him to try and get him to realise the gravity of the situation, but please go down these other routes first. This is both my advice as a Homelessness Officer who deals with these children day in, day out and my own personal feelings. I have seen too many young people in this situation and it rarely has a fairytale ending for either the parents or the child.

gravitytolls

Actually, I don't think you have had some fantastic responses on here. In fact, I find (speaking as the mother of a teenager who is giving his family a tough time), that it is all too easy to be judged by some, when in fact some reassurance that the tough times will pass, and helpful suggestions as to how you may help facilitate this is what's needed.

Thank you, thank you Callansdad, for sharing your story, and really giving a positive slant to a depressing post from a worried man.

Ok, you haven't given any background info, perhaps I'm being a little oversensitive, and others are simply responding to what may appear to be a cold blooded answer to your problem. Yet I doubt this has come about overnight, but has doubtless built up over a longer period, leaving you feeling at your wits end?

Yes, your wife's son has a right to be cared for and loved and protected. Yes, you have a duty of care. But don't you rbabies have a righ tto the same? If you have employed the help of Social Services and other organisations, maybe the school has recommended agencies etc., then at some point, you may have to admit that you simply can't do it on your own.

Remember, it's easy for people to judge - blimey we all do it - but when it's you living through it, it;s hard to see the wood for the trees, and often it's easier to make mistakes, through sheer exhaustion if nothing else, than be positive.

I really hope you get the help you need to remain a family, it's tough anyway, and even tougher when a child isn't your own.

princess

Im sorry to say I think a few of the replies here have been very unkind to the OP and hugely unhelpful....
What possesses people to make these sorts of comments below when they have absolutely no idea of the situation?? ''i think it is disgusting that this kid is crying out for help when all you keep saying is our babies....why should someone else pick up your !!!! up'' ''I just think it's appalling that people can talk so coolly about 'throwing him out' ''
A short while ago there was another thread on here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=147238&page=1&
about a lad the same age being abusive to his sister (an adult) and more or less all the posters recommended involving the police!! Why the change of heart now??
Michaels I would say to you, only you and your wife know how bad things are and if things are too bad for you then you are absolutely within your rights (and indeed it is your responsibility to your younger children) to GET HIM OUT.
I work with vulnerable famillies in two capacities, firstly as an advisor in a womens refuge where recently two women arrived having been physically abused by teenage children - in one case a younger sibling was also abused (punched resulting in very visible injuries) by the teenager. The staff did NOT admire the mother for standing by her troubled teenage son! In fact there was a serious child protection question raised about whether she was able to care for the younger child as she had failed to protect him. (In the same way as a parent is expected to protect a child from their abusive partner they are expected to protect a child from their abusive older child or can be seen as colluding more or less) So if you do feel there is a chance of real physical violence do act quickly - you would not forgive yourself if anything happened that you could have prevented.
With my other hat on I work for the charity parentline plus...like childline but for adults in distress. A freephone helpline is available for parents and they will certainly be able to talk you through practicalities and offer advice beneficial to you and your stepson. I am sure you will want to offer this boy what you can, but only you know if the situation is beyond what you can manage. If it is take whatever action you need to to ensure you and your younger childrens safety and mental health. Also you will do your stepson no favours if you allow what amounts to abusive behaviour to continue or worse escalate.
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/
Please follow the link to talk to someone at parentline plus

gravitytolls

Hurrah, the voice of sanity. Thank you Princess.

princess

And from you another sane voice:)

raymond

If someone posted that they were thinking of throwing out a dog they would be flamed and regarded as *** not very nice people. What makes it any different to throw away your kids when they dont turn out as you expect, and at 16 he is still a child.

Just create another sponge to soak up our taxes instead of trying to sort out his problems.

gravitytolls

If the dog bit your baby, or even yourself, I think you'd be putting your safety and that of the other more vulnerable members of your household first and foremost.