Taking control of my life

beanielou

Blimey no idea how anyone can make a tenner last for two months.
Not worth having a car IMHO.
Good idea to think about what you are going to say.

Shoe_Gal

Thinking of you, stay strong :A

Ames

Thanks guys. Beanie, she makes a tenner last so long because she never drives her car! But if she gets a job where she has to have a car then she will.

Last night was ok, but overall a bit pointless. We started with dad saying what problems we both had, in my case I'm not helping her with things that I could, like the driving, and a few other things which he was right about and I agreed. So we agreed that we'd work out times when we're both free to do driving practise, and to go to the supermarket, and we'd stick to those times.

So far so good.

Then dad said the things we had problems with sister with - that she says she has problems with xyz, but wont do anything to solve those problems, she needs to take responsibility and try and make changes.

So sister just launched into her rant about how her life is rubbish and it's all our fault, well, mainly dad. Getting hung up on things that happened over 10 years ago, blaming him for things that were out of his contol.

So I went to the bar and the loo and things had calmed down a bit when I got back.

So we've made a few agreements and changes, but I can't help thinking it's like putting a sticky plaster on a broken leg, the real issues haven't been addressed so until they are it's just going to keep flaring up every now and then.

And sister's parting suggestion that dad needs anger management classes didn't go down well!

Anyway, then we talked about drums, which went something like this:
sister: what kit have you got?
me: a silver one
sister: rolls eyes. what sticks have you got
me: wooden ones.
sister: rolls eyes
me: how much do new sticks cost
sister:£10-12
me:HOW MUCH? just for little strips of wood? Can't I just use twigs?
sister:rolls eyes, no.

She came and looked at it and said I need new skins, cymbals, sticks and muters (which I knew already after speaking to the teacher), and I've just had an email from her, she's looked online at prices and stuff. I understood what she was saying last night, but the email to me just says 'techie techie drum talk. techie techie tech'. So I need to ask her to translate it into English for me!

Book club last night was fab though, a really good discussion. And there was a great sign above the bar 'unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy'.

Anyway, I stayed up far too late reading last night so I'm going to go have a nap.

GeorgeUK

Hi Ames, how's you (and the family)?

I've not been on the board as much recently but even i have noticed you haven't been posting. Hope everything's okay.

Ames

Hi George. I've been up and down a lot.

Ok, so physically I'm ok. I've got a cold now but overall things have been ok.

Mentally, I'm just all over the place. I'm veering between hours spent having panic/anxiety attacks, and being up and excited about things. I think I'm heading towards depression, so I need to see my GP. I tried to make an appointment last week but she's on holiday.

I'm trying to keep up with activities. There's my book clubs, and my writing group, and my drums. And I've been to the theatre a couple of times, going again tomorrow. Other things I'm doing as and when I'm able.

The studying isn't going well. I emailed my economics tutor a couple of weeks ago but he hasn't replied. I asked for an extension until I got my disabled students equipment (got it yesterday), and he hasn't replied. So I've contacted my local centre to see what they say. I'm also considering putting in for special consideration for my politics course, which has nearly finished. I failed my last essay and can only just get a pass for the whole course now. I'm not sure what they can do, but I thought I'd tell them about how I've been having so many panic attacks and not being able to get anything done. Hopefully they'll agree to a letter from my support worker rather than GP, as she knows me better and there wont be a charge for the letter.

So, overall I'm just hanging in and trying to ride out the storm and wait for things to improve. I'm doing better than I have in the past though, I haven't fallen as far or as quickly as I have in the past, so hopefully I can do enough damage limitation that it's not a bad phase.

And there are some positives - my writing group have been really encouraging which is good. And my book club people are supportive.

Family wise, things are ok. Sister's been offered a job in the Caribbean, which should be far enough away to give us some space! We're getting along ok, and things have been stable with her and dad.

Ames

Well, more developments.

I've had a couple of ideas for running my own business, and I've been in touch with Business Link about it. They're going to email me details of a couple of courses I can go on to see if my ideas are viable. They're probably not but it can't hurt to find out.

It does throw up the irony of this site though. On DT I've been told that I can work, should work, have to work. On the Small Biz board I've been told there's no chance of me being able to run a business with my health problems. I think the answer's somewhere in between (ie, I can do it but only with lots of support from Access To Work).

It does show how stupid the ideas towards work are though. If I worked, even in a normal job not SE, then it'll cost the taxpayer more than it does now for me to be on benefits and do voluntary work. Yet the rabid taxpayers on DT who moan about people living for free on their taxes don't seem to mind that?!

Anyway, it's probably all just wishful thinking anyway.

redsquirrel80

Ames wrote: »

It does show how stupid the ideas towards work are though. If I worked, even in a normal job not SE, then it'll cost the taxpayer more than it does now for me to be on benefits and do voluntary work.

How does that, er, work? Is it because you'd be getting support whilst working? Anyway, crazy isn't it!

Good luck with the plans - even if you don't end up running the business you could learn some useful skills from the courses.

Ames

Squizz, obviously it'd depend on the wages, but assuming I can only work for minimum wage, then the costs would mean it cost more than I do now. My medical costs would go up as I'd need more/different medication (I'd get a pre pay cert so what I'd be paying wouldn't cover the costs). I'd probably need equipment, and definitely support help from Access to Work. I'd also need a carer/PA for more hours as I'd have a lot less energy to spend on personal hygiene etc. Then of course I'd still need/get DLA, and probably disabled tax credits. So all in all it's very likely that me working would cost more than it does for me to be on benefits, but it'd be coming from different departments rather than just the DWP.

Although my plans are now all out of the window lol. The second hand book shop idea doesn't seem at all viable after talking to people on the Small Biz board. My idea for a community arts centre appears to have been taken already, with a group even using the same premises I wanted.

So it's back to the drawing board. I reallly think I need to do something self employed so that I'm in control and can work around my illnesses and within my limits. I'd love to do something in the community/social sector, but can't think of anything. I did think about setting myself up as a benefits/debt advisor, but the only way to get experience and training seems to be through CAB, who expect you to work for them as a volunteer for quite hefty amounts of time. This could affect my benefits.

So, if anyone can think of a job to suit me, answers on a postcard lol.

redsquirrel80

I understand now (sort of!).. shame neither of those ideas are a go-er but it's good that you've identified the sort of thing you want to do.

I know there are some charities here (other than CAB) that employ debt/ money advisors, there might be something similar near you? Actually, opportunities in Leeds sometimes come up on my local Voluntary Action website http://www.vas.org.uk/jobs/jobs - or there might be a similar organisation/ website with details of jobs near you?

Ames

Thanks so much for that Squizz, I didn't know that there were sites like that, I'm looking at the Leeds one now. Maybe getting a paid job in the voluntary sector would be the way to go to start with.