Taking control of my life

Ames

I got them from Accessorize, they're quite pretty. I want to start taking more care of my appearance. And try and stop my hair falling into my face all the time...

beanielou

I need some for the same reason Ames.

Ames

Well, I'm so bored I'm contemplating housework, so thought I'd update here instead!

There's not a whole lot to report.

I went to see the immunologist on friday. He said based on my blood test results he'd been planning to start me on treatment (four weekly blood transfusions) but because I've been ok for the last couple of months he can't justify the risk, as blood products are involved. Which is a relief! If I'd been asked last year I'd have said yes, because I was having colds and infections every other week, but touch wood so far this year it hasn't been too bad. He's seeing me in three months so I'll see where I'm at then. Although I'm still a diagnostic puzzle!

Went out with sister on Friday night, and we had a chat on the way back and cleared the air - as long as she can remember, she was a bit tipsy!

Handed in my first Ecoomics assignment on Wednesday, hopefully I've done well. One question I just couldn't get my head around at all, but then I took sister out for driving practise and when I got back it just clicked, it was really simple too, I'd been building it into something a lot more complicated than it was. Although it helps that I'd done all the work at A level anyway. I even used some terminology that I learnt at A level which we haven't covered yet - hopefully that's ok, you never know with the OU.

I've also carried on working on my appearance more. I've bought a load of new (to me) clothes on ebay, some new make-up,, new (matching!) undies, and kick !!! shoes. It's carrying on with the creating my own identity challenge, and hopefully if I can get myself looking less hideous then I'll feel better about myself. I'm also doing a public service - half the people on DC seem to be getting their shopping fix through me!

I had a wobble when I checked my bank balance earlier though. Each time I've bought something I've done the sums to make sure I could afford it, then my internet banking seemed to be out. After a bit of a panic and double checking everything I realised that IB was right, my sums today were out - I could afford everything and all's fine. How can I do calculus but not add up four simple numbers?!

Going to a jam session with sister tonight, apparantly it's a laugh and loads of friends go. I'm just glad I have no musical ability whatsoever so I can't be dragged into it!

LouiseJ

Sounds like you are really moving forward on all counts Ames. I do like your updates.:A

beanielou

What Lou says from me too

Ames

Well, another essay's due so you'll be getting lots of updates while I put it off! Actually, it's about disability rights and the political process so it's really interesting. It's just the actual writing it bit that's a problem!

Anyway. I saw the psychiatrist yesterday. She said that everyone gets up and down at times and my recent symptoms are just part of that. She's tweaked my meds a bit but gone ahead with discharging me. She says I'm doing really well, and that I'm in charge now. If I want to go for counselling I've got the details, and I'm making good progress with my support worker. So all in all it's been positive!

I also spoke to her about mum, well, about how I feel about not being able to do anything. She said (which I already knew) that there's nothing I can do if she doesn't want help, all I can do is be a link to reality when we speak and try and get her to see the right doctors and things. But that at the end of the day I (and sister) have to live my life and can't be held back. I already thought that but it's good to hear that I'm right to feel that way, that I'm not a total cowbag for not trying harder and things.

So, all in all a positive meeting!

Today was supposed to be the writers group, but I went and couldn't see anyone who looked like the people I'd had described, and there were only a couple of groups there, but I asked and they weren't the writers. I'm going to see my support worker tomorrow anyway so I'll see what went wrong then.

I'm stuck in the middle of dad and sister at the moment. She keeps asking him for money, and phoning him for hours talking about how skint she is and she doesn't know how she can manage. But she wiped out all his savings last year and he can't afford to help her now, and she's just using emotional blackmail and manipulation, but as there's nothing he can do they're both just getting wound up and hurt. Again, I think it's something where all I can do is sit back, help where I can, but not get too involved. I've tried with sister, and in some ways it's worked - she's spending a lot less on food and things, but in a lot of ways she just wont take responsibility. She criticises people on my council estate for having cars and things when they don't work, but thinks that it's ok for her to run a car and motorbike, and she doesn't even have a full license for either! She botched cutting her own hair the other day because she 'couldn't afford' the £4 to have it cut at the local college, but she went out three nights in a row! She can't afford the top up she has to pay for her rent out of her jobseekers, so I went online and found loads of nice looking places that would be covered, but she doesn't like the areas. She just wants to have it all and not make sacrifices while waiting for her dream job to come along, and gets angry when we try to explain that it just doesn't work like that. But even when she gets a chance, she throws it away. She was offered the chance of a trial on sunday, but didn't post the forms back till monday, and wondered why they didn't call her in on Sunday!

Anyway, I'll stop ranting, I just needed to get it all out, otherwise it'll end up building up inside of me till I blow my top and say it all to her, which is a showdown that neither of us needs right now.

ZTD

Ames wrote: »

I also spoke to her about mum, well, about how I feel about not being able to do anything. She said (which I already knew) that there's nothing I can do if she doesn't want help, all I can do is be a link to reality when we speak and try and get her to see the right doctors and things. But that at the end of the day I (and sister) have to live my life and can't be held back. I already thought that but it's good to hear that I'm right to feel that way, that I'm not a total cowbag for not trying harder and things.

Ames wrote: »

I'm stuck in the middle of dad and sister at the moment. She keeps asking him for money, and phoning him for hours talking about how skint she is and she doesn't know how she can manage. But she wiped out all his savings last year and he can't afford to help her now, and she's just using emotional blackmail and manipulation, but as there's nothing he can do they're both just getting wound up and hurt. Again, I think it's something where all I can do is sit back, help where I can, but not get too involved. I've tried with sister, and in some ways it's worked - she's spending a lot less on food and things, but in a lot of ways she just wont take responsibility. She criticises people on my council estate for having cars and things when they don't work, but thinks that it's ok for her to run a car and motorbike, and she doesn't even have a full license for either! She botched cutting her own hair the other day because she 'couldn't afford' the £4 to have it cut at the local college, but she went out three nights in a row! She can't afford the top up she has to pay for her rent out of her jobseekers, so I went online and found loads of nice looking places that would be covered, but she doesn't like the areas. She just wants to have it all and not make sacrifices while waiting for her dream job to come along, and gets angry when we try to explain that it just doesn't work like that. But even when she gets a chance, she throws it away. She was offered the chance of a trial on sunday, but didn't post the forms back till monday, and wondered why they didn't call her in on Sunday!

Perhaps your mother and your sister share a similar problem: removal from reality.

Shame your Dad and you have to suffer for it.

Just be warned - you can't save people from themselves.

Ames

As ever, I forgot a couple of things.

I'm still going strong with the glamming up. I'm even wearing make up as a matter of course! Although I don't/didn't have much so I've bought a couple of cheap palette's on ebay. And yesterday I had my hair cut at the college - half price day so it cost me £3! It's a graduated bob, the student did ok but the teacher took over and redid it and it looks fab. I wish I hadn't asked for a fringe though cos it's a bit blocky, it was meant to be one of the diagonal half fringes that grade down to the side. And it's doing my head in! As always though after cutting my grey is shining through so I need to get some more dye. The first of my ebay clothes came through today and they're great, mainly just day wear but a bit different to what I normally wear.

Internet banking's still playing up - I checked it yesterday, bought something, checked it again a few hours later and the balance had gone UP by £30. So I'm sticking to my own calculations!

And I'm still waiting for my marked assignment to come back, I was hoping it'd give me a boost for the one that's due on Saturday but I can't wait any longer. I'm checking my emails about fifty times more often than I was doing!

Ames

Cheers Z, I think you're right about sister and mum.

beanielou

All Im going to say is sometimes things have to be said.
Though i agree tonight might not be best time.
I think she is playing games with peoples feelings & I think its very unfair.