Taking control of my life

redsquirrel80

I think all that definitely deserves a moan Ames! I don't have any practical advice but just hope your week gets better x

Ames

I didn't anwer the doorbell because they didn't ring it. They hadn't actually been to the house, as they admitted to ex. Sorry, I forgot to mention it.

How much heavy lifting? Well, a lot. When the carer is sorted out then it'll be less, but at the moment it's a lot. You know, things like putting the shopping away, changing the bedding, putting the washing out. I did some of my OU work, but didn't want to overdo it and be too tired to help with his, as I knew I had the shopping delivery today and need it putting away, so either needed to save energy to do his essay and have him put it away, or save energy for me to put it away.

The title of this diary is 'taking control of my life' for a reason. I know I need to do it and I'm trying. With help of people on here and my many mental health support workers I've come a long way, but the whole system is a creaking mess and takes a long time to get things put in place, which is why I have to make compromises and judgement decisions. Like, which is more important - getting a few extra marks on an essay, or not having food sitting in the doorway rotting because I've been too tired to put it away and then cook and eat it.

Ames

And more bad news - they can't process my disabled students allowance application because I'm doing two degrees. So another phonecall to stress about. Hopefully I'm getting all the rubbish out of the way at the beginning of the week and the rest of it will be stress free!

Ames

Well, things have improved a bit.

The DSA thing's been sorted, it was a lot simpler than I expected it to be, I just need to let them know that my records have been updated. It can take a couple of days though so I'll do it tomorrow.

I've adjusted this and next month's budget, I can recover the money as long as I'm strict with myself and tighten my belt a bit.

I've got a hold of my essay. I realised I've been looking at it the long way round. As it's part of a history degree I was looking at it trying to find the answers from the sources. But it's actually a politics course, so I need to just use theory to support an answer that comes from me. I know what angle to take and stuff so I just need to type it all out tomorrow, which shouldn't be a problem.

I woke up feeling crap this morning, tired and in pain so decided not to go to the expert patient programme. Got a text half an hour after it started from my support worker who said I had to go, had to. Dragged myself over there and it's not the course I asked to be referred to. I wanted the general long term health problem one, which I've heard good things about, and this is the specialist mental health one, which I've heard bad things about. I'm not sure what I think of it. It overlaps a lot with other work I'm doing with other organisations, and of course there's no allowances for 'complex' needs, ie being both physically and mentally ill. The ethos of 'we'll have you all managing perfectly and able to work and hold down a job in 7 weeks' seems a bit suspect too, I can't see how that can possibly work for everyone whatever their circumstances, and could lead to feeling worse if you haven't had this magic transformation. But they did speak a lot of sense and it was good talking to people with similar problems. So I'll see how it goes.

However, now the techie board have gone from laughing at me to downright insulting me. Don't know how it's changed so much in a couple of months from helpful and supportive to what it is now, but I don't think I'll be going back there.

GeorgeUK

I go off for a few days and look what happens!!!

Hope you're okay Ames, but i'm going to nag and say no matter what, you shouldn't be staying up until 2 to do essays and suchlike. You need a chance to unwind at the end of the day and this extra stress is not good for you.

Pity about the finances confusion. Have you cancelled your trip?

Try not to woeey too much about the family. Sis is assuming you will all be running after her, but doesn't she always assume that? Not much change there but she will need to stop expecting you to do things for her. Hopefully your dad will be able to sort something out with the TV later.

If you have any tech queries, there's nothing stopping you from posting them here. If people are insulting you i would report their posts to the moderators. Sounds like a bunch of immature school kids by the way described them - who knows, maybe they are.

Ames

Thanks George.

I'm going to tell ex that in future either he writes his own essays or he does it in my time. He's pretty much nocturnal, so midnight is his prime time, for me it's two hours into sleep time! He did help me with my essay today though.

I haven't cancelled my trip, I've jiggled the budget a bit and it should be ok, I just have to be disciplined. Although with two OU courses and a GCSE to revise for I wont have much time to be spending money!

Sister's kept phoning saying 'I need you to do this, that and the other', but I've told her I'm only doing it when it fits in with my stuff. Same with teaching her to drive and stuff, and I'm not going to go to gigs with her every week like we used to. Book clubs might not be exciting to most people but the people are a lot less strange...

I was going to report the posts, but then some DFWers piled in and it's ended up a bit of a free for all, I don't want to get everyone in trouble! I'm struggling to get napster to work, it either says it can't download songs, or that it has done, or that it is doing, but they never seem to make it as far as my computer. People on DC have been helping, and I'm getting closer.

Thanks again.

Ames

Well, the week has definitely improved as it's gone along! Not that it could get much worse...

Firstly, thanks to all my friends who stood up for me, it's nice to know you're there for me.

Well, I got my essay done and submitted, hopefully I've done well.

I had a phonecall this morning from the aids and adaptations people, they're coming tomorrow to assess me, yay! Hopefully I'll get some new gadgets to play with and make my life easier.

Dad's bringing and setting up the telly on sunday, and putting some shelves up for me. He's told me the flat has to be clean and tidy. So I emailed ex saying either I finish his essay and he helps me with the housework, or he has to finish it himself, I don't have time to do both. His reply? F*ck off, you're doing my essay and you'd have to pay me a lot of money to help with your housework. I disagree. So, housework it is today. (Along with trying to get a new high score on stupid facebook game).

George, I meant to say, did you go away anywhere nice? (You said you'd gone away for a few days). I hope you're well and everything's going smoothly for you.

GeorgeUK

Hi Ames.

Went to see mt brother and neices with my folks.
I think their cats have fleas... sooo itchy.

I totally agree with your priorities. Why should you put yourself out for him if he's not going to help you? Your priorities first before anyone elses.

Ames

Cheers George, I've been putting up with him phoning and messaging me all day, I'm 'totally out of order', 'blackmailing' him into helping me, and trying to ruin his life according to him. I wanted a few hours to do housework before going back to helping him, you'd think I'd hired a hitman!

I'm not really a cat person, much prefer dogs. hope you stop itching soon, did you at least enjoy seeing them all? (the people, not the fleas!)

Ames

And more good news! Well, sort of. I've finally had the assessment that I've been waiting for since August by aids and adaptations. It took all of ten minutes, but the outcome was good. I really wanted a perching stool for the kitchen but I can't have one cos there's not enough room. Other small kitchen things I wanted (a basket for pans to make it easier to get things out, like in a chip pan, easier to use chopping knives, an electric tin opener) they don't provide, so I'll have to look into those myself. But in the bathroom it was great. I wanted grab rails to get off the toilet but she said they'd be no good because I'd be twisting and reaching to get at one. Instead she's suggested a raised toilet seat and frame with arm rests, which'll be so much better, and a proper shower stool. I also asked for one of the tables like you get in hospitals - the ones on wheels that you can move over the bed or sofa. She doesn't think they do them any more, and if she can't get hold of one she'll order a trolley instead, which'll wheel up to the sofa for eating off and things.

So all in all I'm happy with it. I can't believe how quickly it's been sorted, she phoned yesterday, it's being delivered on wednesday (cos I'm busy on tuesday), and she's coming back to fit it all on thursday.

So I'm a happy bunny!