Taking control of my life

Ames

Hi all, I've finally succumbed and decided to start a diary. Here's the first part of it:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1844299

Ex has gone, and although I need to sort things out with my sister I'm feeling better for being strong with her. Now I need to sort out how to get my life in order. So, my aims:

Get the flat sorted. I want to get it to the point where I can actually invite people in. Although it looks like a nuclear bomb's hit it at the moment, it's coming along well. It's messy because of things being out ready to be sorted, or given away.

Get my finances sorted. I've worked out that I can keep my SOA pretty much as it is, with the luxuries, and still start saving for debt f&f's and the other things I need to get money together for. The main aim with that is to be debt free by my 30th birthday, which is January 2011. If I can do f&f's at a reasonable amount then that's doable.

Lose 7st. That's the first and only time I'll mention the amount though. Thinking that I need to lose that much is too scary, so I'll be trying to lose 1/2 a stone, then another 1/2 and so on. I've been doing ok, but slipped up over the last week. Partly it's the crap with my sister, but it's also because I've slipped back into bad habits. I've been more active, sorting the flat out, so I've gone back to relying on sugary foods for an energy hit. So I need to go cold turkey again, and then start doing it healthily again.

Finally, I want to get organised with my committees again. I've missed so many meetings lately it's insane. So I'm going to use my filofax again, and be more organised. Whatever other people say, the committees are important, they do make a difference, and it's not fair for me to keep missing them.

I think that's enough to be going on with for now!

ZTD

Well done you on your new diary!

:kisses3:

*Jellie*

Hi Ames!
It's been a bit daunting looking at the longer diaries but since this is a part 2 I'll jump in here and subscribe!

Congratulations on the weight loss so far. I think you have the right idea by breaking it into small achievable targets

I'm on a bit of a declutter mission too.

ChocChip26

Hey Ames!

I just spotted that have started a diary so have subscribed now!

Am glad to hear you are sorting things out with your sister & that you are feeling a little better for it already. Sounds as if you've been under some stress recently with that & other things so wouldnt blame you for having a wee slip up with your diet last week, congratulations on your weight loss so far, you are doing really well! Good luck with all your plans, my flat looks like a bombsite as well at the moment so I might have to take a leaf out of your book!

Happy new diary!

ChocChip26 xxx

Ames

Thanks all.

Been round and had a heart to heart with my sister and sorted some stuff out. I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on some things - like whether it's cheaper to cook old style. Dad's paying for her food now though so it's not my problem. It was good to find out though that she's been keeping track of how much she's had from me so she can pay me back, I didn't know that.

I got annoyed at some things though. She keeps going on that I should get some of the work from home jobs, but looked shocked when I asked why doesn't she. I think I got through to her that my voluntary community work has more long term benefits to my employability than home work would have. At the moment there's no choice though, any kind of job means bad week = no job. Voluntary work, bad week = week off then people grateful that I come back and do anything at all. I also mentioned to her that when she says I don't understand 'normal' life, it's all subjective - no, I don't understand the student lifestyle she's used to, but in the circles I move in the things she sees as abnormal in my life aren't. So what if I have lots of books, and sometimes need to buy new shelves for them, I get rid of a lot too.

She also pointed out that I don't take into account her feelings about things, and she's absolutely right. I don't know if it's the bipolar or what, but I do struggle to 'understand' people and be sympathetic. I'm at the point now where I can tell when I'm supposed to say something, and can make a stab at what it should be, but it's a learned behaviour rather than instinctive. I think that with my family I take it for granted that I can not work so hard, which is wrong. I need to put more effort into that definitely. It's one of the things I'll talk to the psychologist about on Tuesday, and the MH outreach team on wednesday.

Got rid of a load of stuff to a freecycler today, more to go tomorrow. I suppose I should ebay or car boot it, but ebay fees are silly and I can't manage a car boot. And I got an amazing chef's trolley from freecycle yesterday, it looks brand new and would have cost a fortune brand new, so all in all I think I'm up on the deals. Plus the herbs I picked up, hopefully I wont kill this lot. Maybe then I can progress to pot plants. When there's somewhere for them to go.

Ames

My god I've just read something I posted on George's diary a year ago:

My OH has a limit of $100 per week, that way (he says) as long as I'm vigilant and find out in time I can stop him getting too far in (since it's my bank account he has registered with it). So maybe a limit is a good idea for you like George says?


How much of a mug have I been. It really shows me how much stronger and in control I've become over the last couple of months.

urg123

HI Ames

Just wanted to say you've come on a long journey in the last few weeks. I hope that the new beginnings work out for you. YOu seem really motivated.

Good luck

urg x x

GeorgeUK

Ames - you're not a mug. You trusted someone who let you down. There's a BIG difference.

Losing £24k by gambling, then losing another £9.6k when you thought you had stopped gambling and were now doing something harmless - that's a mug.

Glad to say i've still not gambled since starting my diary (although i admit to a couple of lottery tickets when there's been a large rollover). Can't believe it's almost a year now.

You are alot stronger and are looking out for yourself rather than worrying what others may think of you. I'm so glad that you've managed to find the strength to let go the things that have been dragging you down. You seem to be on top of things and getting organised - there's no stopping you now.

You're not allowed to put yourself down though - not even in your own thread.
No more of that please.

Ames

Thanks George, I'll stop being nasty to myself!

Went shopping with my sister today. Since dad's paying for her food, she's gone back to old ways - £40 on food and a tenner on wine. Crazy! Assuming I don't need anything else this week, which I shouldn't, then I've been keeping to £20 a week, which is great I think.

I got a load of plums, nectarines and blueberries reduced to 20p, any suggestions what I can do with them?!

I'm going to go through the freezer and double check everything that's in there, then work out what I'm going to have each night until it's empty. Hopefully I can avoid big whoopsy hauls that fill it back up!

I cancelled todays appointment with the psychiatrist, there didn't seem to be much point seeing her before seeing the psychologist tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous about that, I've got to fill out a form with 4 things I want help with. I've decided on two - things like using the phone which I find really difficult, and trying to understand social subtleties. For instance, my sister was spot on when she said I don't emotionally support her enough. To me it make more sense to help with practical things - ways to cope with stress, addressing the causes of it, rather than just saying 'oh dear, I'm sorry etc'. I need to realise when each approach is needed, and then how to respond. So I need to come up with two other goals. I'm thinking that being more assertive, especially with my family, is another.

helen_jelly

HI Ames

I don't normally post that much [unless its FlyLadies] but I just wanted to say WELL DONE on sorting out your financial problems with your sister and also - remember how far you have come.
If you feel your home is getting on top of you then visit the Fly Ladies thread - its very inspirational and very supportive. There is a list everyday of suggested taks for round the home split over 3 levels [level 1 is easier than level 3]. I found that I was getting nowhere when it came to managing my home and it was getting me down but this thread has really helped - anyway - as I said WELL DONE

Helen x

Ames

I did have a peek at the flylady thread, but was scared away at the thought of people cleaning skirting boards and under furniture every week! The level 1 stuff looked good though. I think I'll start from next week, give myself this week to try and get to the point of being able to see the furniture! (Since everything's piled up being sorted into ebay, freecycle, tip, keep).

I have a confession to make though. The money I'm saving this month from not feeding my sister I'm spending on things for the house (which are needed), but also on some new clothes. I've realised that it's cheaper to pick up winter clothes now on ebay and in charity shops than it is to wait, so I've got a few bits, with plans to layer up instead of using the heating for as long as possible. So in a way it's moneysaving, but I still feel guilty about it.

I've just done the freezer inventory, I knew I had a lot, but not how much!

4 portions of turkey
4 gammon rounds
2 bags of spinach
9!! lots of salmon
3 meat pasties
5 bags of mixed veg
3 duck legs
5 slices of melon
1 lot of sweet potato wedges
2 lots of ribs
1 beef joint
3 lots of garlic roast potatoes
1 chilli pork steak
1 sweet and sour ready meal
1 quiche
3 portions green beans
1 sea bream
1 thai herbs kit
1 veg risotto ready meal.

So I reckon I'm sorted for a while at least! I'll just need veg, milk and carbs for a few weeks. I might do my shopping online so I'm not tempted by offers and whoopsies which I clearly don't need. I REALLY need to defrost the freezer, so I have to run it down.