Taking control of my life

geranium72

Ames

I just wanted to say that I was following your other post about your situation and wanted to say well done. You sound like you are much more in control and much more positive

I am with you on the decluttering and weight loss - so hope you have some luck with that too

helen_jelly

Ames - just lurk on the flylady site and see how you go - that way you won't feel pressurised [sp] but you can still achieve [sp again - brain is tired, time for bed] something and feel good about it even if its just clearing a space to be able to sit down.

Helen x

Odette

You seem to really have your 'head on your shoulders' so to speak. I can gather instantly that your gonna achieve your goals no problem :beer:

Ames

Thank you for the kind words.

Today's been great.

I started my Christmas shopping - I figure that if I'm hypomanic and likely to spend more, I might as well channel it into useful/needed things. There's a shop that does nice household things, china and pottery, and Radley bags, that's having a closing down sale, so I got my sister something she wants and needs that was massively reduced. Hopefully I can pick up a few more bargain presents there before they shut, I'm sure I can find something for mum there.

Then I had my first meeting with my psychologist. After talking for an hour, we decided we'll work on my confidence and assertiveness. He pointed out that my feelings of guilt are probably wrong - that I should only feel guilt if I've wronged someone. I know it's going to be hard work, and I'll have to do things that I wont feel comfortable with, but hopefully I can make a bit improvement in my life. My only reservation is that CBT is only really effective if you also deal with the underlying problems, but he said that if necessary I can work with other people in the department. Another big problem is that the room is up three flights of stairs, so I was in agony all through the appointment, I'll have to remember to dose up on painkillers next week!

So then came an opportunity to put it into practice. I'd said I'd go round and show my sister how to make pastry. She asked me to go straight from my appointment, which I did, phoning her when I set off to ask her to get the ingredients ready since I hadn't eaten lunch. When I got there she was preparing loads of trays of veg to cook and freeze. I waited over an hour before asking her when she was going to do the pastry. She said it wouldn't be long, she just had to get her tea on first, because she hadn't eaten. So I told her that neither had I, and my dinner/tea was going to take an hour to cook. She said I could go, but tried to guilt me into staying, saying she didn't know what she was doing. I just left. As I was leaving I felt bad, but just asked myself: had I wronged her? No - I hadn't stolen from her or hurt her, the worst that could happen was that she ruined a load of pastry and had to start again, costing pence. Then: Had I done what was right for me? Yes - I got to come home, eat, and take painkillers. I still felt bad, but I think it's a great step forward.

Money wise I'm a bit concerned (mainly cos ex was telling me I should be). I know I'm a bit manic, so I'm trying damage limitation - I'm channelling the spending into things I need for the house, winter clothes, and xmas presents. I've built this 'extra' spending into my budget, gradually reducing it over the next few months. It might seem a cop out, or an excuse to spend, but I think this is better than trying to just be strict with myself, then failing and having a massive blow out on crap (last time I got like this I was buying decanters and allsorts that I didn't need and would never use). I'm also going to ask to increase my medication next time I see my GP.

And as for the clothes, I'm buying things that I like - my sister was even trying to change the way I dressed, mainly what shoes I wear. So it's a bit of a statement that I'm ME!

ZTD

Ames wrote: »

Went shopping with my sister today. Since dad's paying for her food, she's gone back to old ways - £40 on food and a tenner on wine. Crazy!

He'll eventually get sick of it - just as you did.

Ames wrote: »

For instance, my sister was spot on when she said I don't emotionally support her enough. To me it make more sense to help with practical things - ways to cope with stress, addressing the causes of it, rather than just saying 'oh dear, I'm sorry etc'. I need to realise when each approach is needed, and then how to respond.

It's funny, but when it comes to your sister, she always complains about what you do for her. It's always your fault, and you're always not doing it right. Are these real feelings or just a stick to hit you with?

You can take into account the accuracy of her previous announcements about the rest of your family into consideration...

ZTD

Ames wrote: »

Another big problem is that the room is up three flights of stairs, so I was in agony all through the appointment, I'll have to remember to dose up on painkillers next week!

Mention this. It's not beyond the wit of even a consultant to grab another room for the duration.

BlueJeans_2

Hi

I read some of your other postings and have now subscribed to this one.

Glad you are feeling more in control and stronger.

Keep it up:j

Ames

You're right Z, it is a strange coincedence! I'm slowly changing my attitude towards her. But I've noticed in other situations that I don't have quite the right responses, so I do need to work on it. I need to be careful when it's in connection with her though. We had another talk tonight and again a few things didn't sit right with me. I just need to be on my toes.

I've got a form to send back, I might put a note in it about asking if we can change it to a ground floor room. It's not exactly rocket science!

ZTD

Ames wrote: »

But I've noticed in other situations that I don't have quite the right responses, so I do need to work on it.

Just be careful you don't spend your life trying to fulfil what you believe are other people's expectations of you. It doesn't work. Just be strange and unpredicatable.

That doesn't work either, but it's more entertaining...

Buffythedebtslayer

Ames, I thought you were lovely when I met you in Leeds, and all this stuff you are doing is simply brilliant.

you are inspirational and don't you forget it.

xxx