Taking control of my life

Ames

I know things do need to be said, but she wont listen so there's not much point.

I don't think she is playing games with people's feelings - she just has absolutely no concept of them at all. She only sees how things affect her, it doesn't even occur to her that other people will be affected. Like with money - she sees that dad has some, and she needs it, so can't see why he wont help her. But it's money that's put aside for other things - his fridge freezer's going to need replacing soon for instance. But his needs are something she just can't comprehend. Or when she phones up demanding a lift from me and is totally shocked when I tell her I'm busy or not around, it just doesn't occur to her that I have a life of my own.

I don't see that she can ever change though, I don't think it's something you can really learn as an adult when it's how you've been all your life.

beanielou

So she is totally divorced from reality then.
Not so good

Ames

No, not good - and I'm the one with diagnosed mental health problems!

I'll try and talk to her in a few days, when she's calmed down and I've got time.

In the meantime, poo cam is a great distraction from essay work!

beanielou

Hope you can get some sleep tonight x

Ames

Thanks, I think I'm going to do some OU studying finally, I'm feeling like I want to take my mind of it all with some serious intellectual debate. With my sarcastic/childish comments written in the margins!

Ames

Scratch that - she really is just being manipulative. I've finally got through to her and she's saying how she is doing something stupid, by not eating or sleeping for 3 weeks. I've seen her eat, and had her phoning me at 2pm saying she's only just woken up! She says she can't sleep because she's not active - there's nothing to stop her walking or going for a run. And I offered to pay her to clean my flat every week, it wouldn't affect her benefits and I'd pay her what I'll be paying the company, but she didn't want to.

I'm sick of her excuses, and I'm not going to let her manipulate me anymore. For the next few days I'm concentrating on my essay, then I'm going to sit down and try and get through to her (calmly and constructively) why her attitude is alienating everyone.

And now I can relax and actually concentrate on my reading...

Wol2

Ames wrote: »

I know things do need to be said, but she wont listen so there's not much point.

I don't think she is playing games with people's feelings - she just has absolutely no concept of them at all. She only sees how things affect her, it doesn't even occur to her that other people will be affected. Like with money - she sees that dad has some, and she needs it, so can't see why he wont help her. But it's money that's put aside for other things - his fridge freezer's going to need replacing soon for instance. But his needs are something she just can't comprehend. Or when she phones up demanding a lift from me and is totally shocked when I tell her I'm busy or not around, it just doesn't occur to her that I have a life of my own.

I don't see that she can ever change though, I don't think it's something you can really learn as an adult when it's how you've been all your life.

This is classic narcissistic sociopathic behaviour and unfortunately the narcissist is not able to even comprehend that there may be something about their behaviour that needs adjusting so will NEVER change.:(

You;re absolutely right Ames - and it takes a while to actually understand that they really do have "no concept" or understanding and that as far as they are concerned other people are just "accoutrements" or "objects" who exist only to further their own mental wellbeing about themselves.

The most inportant thing is that you have recognised these traits :T....and that it is their problem and not yours :T:T:T......and now you can learn new ways of protecting yourself from their potentially extremely damaging behaviour. Being exposed to this type of behaviour while you were growing up will have left an indelible dent on your self esteem and self confidence because after all, for a long time you have been a non-person.:(

Hugs Hun - you;re doing brilliantly

xxxx

Ames

Gah, just typed a reply and pressed something so I lost it.

Thank you so much Wol, and you're spot on. I've been working on my family relationships with my support worker, for the last couple of months I've been doing well at saying 'no' to sister, and making her fit around my lifestyle instead of cancelling my plans for her whims. I think it's time to step it up a notch, so that I can get her to realise that I'm not going to just roll over and let her walk all over me. Tonight she even tried to blame me for not giving her driving practise, but failed - it's not up to me to organise it, it's up to her.

I'm finally realising that looking out for myself and putting me first isn't the same as being selfish. About time too!

It's really good to 'see' you again Wol, I hope you and the GPs are well.

Wol2

Hello lovely lady :wave:

Have sent you a PM

Hugs and piggie kisses :grouphug::kisses3:

xxx

redsquirrel80

Hi Ames, the others are right that you need to put yourself first - of course you want to help your family but you have already done way beyond what should be expected! And like Z says, if they don't want to change there is only so much you can do.

I'm really - we're moving offices and I've just been tidying up under my desk... and found those shoes I promised to send you I WILL post them soon, so you can wear them with one of your new glamorous looks!