Taking control of my life

Shoe_Gal

You sound really positive. which is great to 'hear' :A

Ames

Well, a productive day today.

I went to the writers group and had a great time, I thought I got on with them well and they're keen to read my writing.

I've finished sorting out the living room now, including moving the bookcase I bought last year to keep all my OU and writing stuff in. So now nearly everything has a place for itself. Wonder how long it'll be before the hotspots get full again... Next up it's the kitchen.

I've just phoned my sister to tell her about the alternate arrangements for Download, I need to get in touch with the friend who was supposed to be going with us. Sister tried, again, to lay everything on me - now that she's away from Leeds and me she's doing better, and she's not moving back here. Oh and she's now saying that she did take an overdose, and lied to the ambulance people because she didn't want it in her notes. She's still blaming me for everything, saying I'm jealous of her, and not taking responsibility for anything. I told her I don't think I want anything to do with her for a long time, at least not till she's got herself sorted. She claims that she has sorted herself out and all is fine, which it clearly isn't from the way she was talking. Anyway, I'm not getting involved in all that, I just want to get on with sorting my life out.

ETA: I've just spoken to dad and we're all going to sit down tomorrow night and talk, he doesn't want me and sister being so antagonistic. God knows how it'll go, but I'm going to make sure it's not me doing all the giving and sister doing all the taking.

Shoe_Gal

Well done on being so strong with your sister and not being brow beaten into seeing things her way :A

beanielou

Dont be browbeatten into getting together unless YOU want to.

Shoe_Gal

As Beanie says don't be pushed into anything

Ames

I want to have a go at talking for dad's sake. The problem is he seems to be taking what she's saying at face value - ie her life's crap cos she can't drive, and if I practise with her and she passes her test everything'll get better. I really think she needs to look deeper and figure out why she reacts to bad circumstances the way she does so that she doesn't get this way next time thiings don't go well. But, you can lead a horse to water and all that. I'm just going to make sure that in future I'm seen as equal to her - my activities are just as important as hers, I'm allowed to have a life too, etc.

One condition of me having anything to do with her again is that she stops blaming me for everything wrong in her life.

And we're going to have to build everything again, especially trust, and I'm not going to festivals with her and her friend and putting myself in a position where I can be bullied. So minimal socialising for a while.

Shoe_Gal

Sounds like a sensible approach

beanielou

Hope you can have a constructive meeting then.

GeorgeUK

Her life's carp because she can't drive?

If she learns to drive, who's going to buy her a car? Dad?
Who's going to pay for running the car? Dad?
Who's going to pay for her insurance? Dad?

Does she realise that if she learns to drive she will have less money to spend on going out and buying things?

Or is she thinking she can share your car...

How many times have you tried to teach her before?

There are alot of things she should be looking at before trying "fix" her life by driving. Hopefully she's not just going to go on another of her "i want; i need" rantathons. Your dad will be subjected to her whining all the time so please try to have a little patience with him - she can go whistle but this could be having an impact on his health.

Glad to see you're keeping strong and on top of things.

Ames

Dad bought her a car a couple of years ago, she was supposed to sell her motorbike to pay him back but hasn't. She's agreed that if she fails her test again this time she'll sell the car, if she passes she'll sell the bike. She pays for petrol, but a tenner lasts her a couple of months since she only drives it when we go somewhere to practise. Dad pays half the insurance for her.

She thinks she can't get a job now because she can't drive and that if she passes her test she'll be able to find something really good.

I took her out for practise when she was getting close to her last test (it costs me nothing to have her on my insurance), but it's 11 years since I passed mine and a lot of things have changed since then so all I can do is let her get used to driving, I can't give her advice and things in case it turns out to be wrong. Also, she can't practise manouvres in my car cos it'll be different to the one she takes her test in so it'll just confuse her.

But that's just one of the problems...

I agree about dad, I was thinking earlier how his attitude has changed since she's been staying with him, so she's obviously been working on him.

I'm starting to get nervous about tonight, I need to work out what I want to say and how to say it constructively.