too afraid to tell hubby

sarahs999

looktothefuture wrote: »

I think that this is some really good and constructive advice from this poster - ok so some of it sounds a tad harsh (Sorry Sarah!) but I do think Jordon will take on some of this and use it to help her situation.

Being on this site has taught me to read into a post more than just fire back and (possibly) make things worse! Thanks for this post, I know it'll be helpful once Jordan's husband calms down!

Yeah, maybe it's a bit harsh but it's certainly true. I guess I have some residual anger from being in Jordon's husband's position!

looktothefuture

sarahs999 wrote: »

Yeah, maybe it's a bit harsh but it's certainly true. I guess I have some residual anger from being in Jordon's husband's position!

The thing is, real life experience and advice makes the difference doesn't it? The truth sometimes hurts but ultimatly it's a real life thing that normally brings the message home!:rolleyes:

jodan

wow, certainly wasn't expecting that gut punch but know i deserve it. Am doing best to stay positive at the minute and trying to work out which is best route to take. Can anyone advise me about ivas, the information online is scrambling my brain. not heard back off any creditors about offers but only been a week.
Big thanks to everyone for the support so far. Will make sure I keep posting to let you know how it's going.
BTW - hubby is speaking, but keeps going into shock. Says he gonna stand by me but to remember it's my debt not his. Can handle this with his and your support. Lots of love and big hugs to you all. X

anh1904

The issue at hand is one of trust.
Generally as a relationship develops, trust is a "given".
When one party betrays that trust, the effort required to regain it is always going to be significantly more than was the case in the first place.
Some can never forgive and allow their partner to regain that trust, which can lead to much more pain (both financial and emotional).
The OP needs to show not only that there is a willingness to be open and honest, but try to work out what is required to rebuild and regain the trust (something the partner may not even be able to define just yet).
Really hope it all works out.

TCM_3

Jodan, get in touch with one of the free debt counselling charitys, the name of the one recommended on here escapes me at the min but its something like cccs. Someone will hopefully post it correctly! They are very good and do not judge you and can talk to your credit card companies on your behalf if you do not feel up to it. Or the CAB? You and hubby could go together and he could maybe see the situation a bit more clearly.
Glad you're ok, xx

RAS

jodan wrote: »

Can anyone advise me about ivas, the information online is scrambling my brain. not heard back off any creditors about offers but only been a week.

BTW - hubby is speaking, but keeps going into shock. Says he gonna stand by me but to remember it's my debt not his. Can handle this with his and your support. Lots of love and big hugs to you all. X

Hi

Have you spoken to any of the debt charities?

if you have a mortgage and your hubby is wanting to keep it as your debt not his, then an IVA is not the way to go. The IVA will affect his credit record if you have joint accounts and he could be required to release the equity in the house to pay off your creditors in year 4 of an IVA.

Do speak to a debt charity as they can offer other alternatives like a DMP if necessary.

gargrave50

Hi Jodan, nice to see you posting:hello:. The shock will wear off, and by working hard to find solutions he will eventually see that you are being proactive. I'm sure no-one realises more than you that the debt is yours and not his:rolleyes:. Keep your chin up, a bit of humble pie never hurt anyone. He is standing by you.

GeorgeUK

Have you tried doing a joint SOA t osee how much you have available and how much you are short by?

There are different ways of tackling the debts - i managed to use (and still am) 0% cards that reduced my minimum monthly payments and allowed me to pay less interest, so the total debt was reducing faster.

You may be able to set up a DMP - have a chat with payplan or CCCS. These are free organisations that can assist.

Have you told hubby about this site and how you may be able to get advice on how to tackle it? It's important to keep him in the loop about everything, but make it clear that you aren't expecting him to clear up the mess, just that his advice and opinion are also important to you.

Mortgage................................ 200
repayment or interest only?

Council tax............................. 90
If paying over 10 months, can you ask to pay it over 12?

Electricity............................. 51
Gas..................................... 70
Quite high - have a look at the comparison site (uswitch, moneysupermarket)

Mobile phone............................ 30
PAYG?

Telephone (land line)................... 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 55
Internet Services....................... 20
Are these combined in a package?

Groceries etc. ......................... 240
Might be able to reduce a little - have a look at the old style board for meal plan ideas and cooing in bulk. Have you moved down a brand (shops own)?

Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Nothing for these?

Other insurance......................... 23.02
For all insurances, i would again look at the comparison sites for the best deal.

penelopedee_2

Hi Jodan, just wanted to send you a hug and to say well done on being so brave (and sensible) in facing up to everything.

In my house I'm the one in your husband's position so I know that when the shock wears off you can both get over it and work through it.

The main thing I ask my partner to do is to only spend what they have spare and to open all post and be honest and discuss it.

Good luck to the both of you x P.

SuzySu

penelopedee wrote: »

Hi Jodan, just wanted to send you a hug and to say well done on being so brave (and sensible) in facing up to everything.

In my house I'm the one in your husband's position so I know that when the shock wears off you can both get over it and work through it.

The main thing I ask my partner to do is to only spend what they have spare and to open all post and be honest and discuss it.

Good luck to the both of you x P.

Thanks for this post - I am sure it will cheer Jodan up to see that there is hope.