too afraid to tell hubby

moneymakestheworldgoround

Hi jodan,

Whatever happens with your partner ( good or bad) it is sort-out-able

You have done the right thing. You obviously have to let him rant rave and explode. And you seem motivated still to keep going with the things to do list in the meantime !!

However low you feel, keep posting on here for some virtual hugs, tea and choccie biscuits.

Do you have any support from family?

This is the moment the rest of your life begins. You need to tell yourself you will never ever be in this situation again

All the best

XXX

rubyslipper

Just wanted to add my support to this. OH is ranting and raving because he feels betrayed and probably as though he's been made a fool of. You have taken the biggest step - this is the worst it will be because the biggest thing you were afraid of is out there. He will calm down you just have to let him work through this but prove to him how serious you are about sorting it all out. Emphasise that you need him as well as it will appeal to his provider side!

'For better or worse', remember? Good luck love.

*subscribes*

hettiecarro

:grouphug:Hugs :kisses: XXXXXXXXXX's & everything else!

Well done you! That's the worst bit over. The rest WILL be sorted.

Think how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. You'd probably go mad too - but then you'd calm down and support him - and he will you.

Don't even think of NOT posting joint SOA!

The sooner everyone gets to see the true picture the quicker you will be on your way out of this.

In case you are not sleeping at the moment, there are quite a few of us insomniacs around during the night - SO POST IF YOU NEED TO. X

MyopicMoo

Hi, I hope things work out for you. It is much easier if you are both in it together (I'm working on that at the moment!).

You said that you were living beyond your means, have you looked at what the money went on? I have had huge rows with OH as he overestimates salary and underestimates our outgoings, he then blamed me when our money runs out - he is starting to come round now. Surely if you have been overspending for a while he will have noticed something? Or perhaps it suits him to ignore it?

Good luck getting everything sorted.

smarties84

Well done for telling him, i no that must have been so hard. He will calm down in a day or 2, you see and you will get thru this. xx

starnac

hi jodan,

well done for telling dh. i know it must have been hard but it's the first step to sorting things out. i must say though if he is ranting about presents then imo he will stick by you. if he was thinking of leaving i would think he's be too busy packing his bags to worry about christmas and such things.

hope he calms down soon and you can have a good chat and start sorting things out together.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))) for you in the meantime

KiKi

Hi Jodan

Well done for telling your other half. He's bound to be angry for a while..play it humble for a bit and let it all settle.

How are you feeling this morning?

Cheers
KiKi

anh1904

/very well done.
The only proper way forward is probably full "open book" joint accounting whereby you both see everything and understand everything.
A spend diary is a must (but you probably know that).
If you have both been managing on the same, he is possibly angry because he doesn't understand how you can spend so much more than him, and certainly let it become a problem without telling him.
My wife spends much more than me, she is almost frivolous considering our circumstances and that sometimes hurts, but I brought most of the debt into the relationship, so I can deal with it most of the time.
Will require teamwork, and will require both of you to want to sort it out.
You will (clearly) have to adjust your own spending pattern, and Hubby might well have to take a hit to help you out.
I hope you get the outcome you want, and be assured, things will get better, however that happens.

gargrave50

Hey Jodan, sorry I didn't get a chance to read yesterday. Hope you don't mind I subscribed to your thread.

Well done for telling your husband. You could have done the "easy thing" and kept it to yourself but it would come out at some point in the future - and then he would be worse because he would know you lied to keep it from him.:o

He is angry now no doubt because he can't believe he didn't know. He will calm down, as said before he hasn't packed his bags. If the worst he is worrying about is presents then it won't be long before he comes round to help you tackle this.

Get the bank charges claim sorted - show him you are working to resolve this.

In terms of Xmas and birthdays there are plenty of ways to pay for Xmas which are very MSE:money:. I took surveys for store vouchers and save them in a jar for Xmas but thats not a priority now.

We are all so proud of you, its a difficult step but its all out in the open now and you don't have the added pressure of keeping it all to yourself. He will come round.

Keep posting. xx Julie

gargrave50

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