too afraid to tell hubby

glitterlea

Hi there,
Firstly, well done for posting and admitting that something needs to be done - that really is the first step!

I was in a similar position to you just a few months back. I had been living off credit and spending way above me means and managed to get myself into quite a lot of debt. My partner of 13 years knew nothing of this and I was too scared to tell him. I have always delt with all our household bills and bank statements etc so I thought I was getting away with it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, last month he found out about my debts and, as you can imagine it was pretty dreadful - he felt that I had lied to him about it and was hurt that I hadn't been able to tell him. It was a pretty miserable week, he stayed at his mum's for a few days and wouldn't answer my calls.. I really thought I lost him.

But, here I am just over a month later and I have to say that we are now stronger than ever and its such a relief that it is all out in the open and not something I have to try and hide away. Once he has calmed down, we had a good chat about it all and he can now see that I am trying to sort myself out by starting a Debt Management Plan. I cut all my credit and store cards up infront of him.

I'm sorry for the long winded reply but I really think you should tell your husband. Yes, he'll be cross and will feel mad for a while but I promise you that it will get better and once he's calmed down, you will feel such a sense of relief that its all out in the open and no longer need to hide it.. I promise

Good luck with it all ((hugs))
x

BeautyandtheBeast_3

Hi there and welcome - how are you this morning? did your tell your husband? xxxx

jodan

Had to go to work this morning but broke news when I got in. He's absolutely furious. Has been shouting for past 4 hours. Every time i think he's calmed down, he starts again. Much worse than i imagined,but it's out now. Too afraid to do another soa in case we don't make it through this.

glitterlea

jodan wrote: »

Had to go to work this morning but broke news when I got in. He's absolutely furious. Has been shouting for past 4 hours. Every time i think he's calmed down, he starts again. Much worse than i imagined,but it's out now. Too afraid to do another soa in case we don't make it through this.

awww, I'm sure he'll calm down hun - my fiance was exactly the same! Just let him get the anger out and then I'm sure he'll want to sit and talk about it,
((hugs))

looktothefuture

:T Well done for telling your husband - he's :mad: now but he'll calm down and see that you need his support!

Here's a dodgy looking group hug :grouphug: from all of us who've been watching out for your post!

Now... lets have a :beer: and celebrate the first step of the rest of your DFW life!

jodan

At minute don't see him ever calming down. He says i got to tell our sons and family n friends why there's gonna be no pressies from now on. Have been looking on some of these posts and am gonna start seeing if i can reclaim some bank and credit card charges, they certainly had plenty off me over the years. Everything a bit of a blur at the minute but will get my head round everything. Gonna go and make some 'to do' lists. Will keep in touch.

kissjenn

Hi Jodan,

Well done for being so brave and telling him. He will calm down. If he's ranting about pressies etc and not packing his bags as you feared then he's getting it out of his system and will start to cool down soon.

Horrible time but just ride it out and remember we're here to help you thro this.

KJ

Nargleblast

Hang in there Jodan, you have to have your head shoved through the pain barrier before you can begin to make progress, and right now is your rock bottom moment. That means the only way from here is up!

looktothefuture

Nargleblast wrote: »

Hang in there Jodan, you have to have your head shoved through the pain barrier before you can begin to make progress, and right now is your rock bottom moment. That means the only way from here is up!

I totally agree with this!!!! It's up, up, up and away from this point on!

System

Well done Jodan for telling him. Its not as bad as he is probably thinking, there is a way out. Martin Lewis says he is yet to see a debt problem that can't be solved. Perhaps a lifestlye change will help also. Telling friends and family and friends at this juncture is probably not advised but they do say never underestimate the help that is at hand around you. I chose not to tell my family and friends but sometimes I wish I had. GOod luck and I hope he does come down on your side; Im sure he will. Len