November.2015.here.we.come

mum2one

Bit of an update-

Got a letter from my solicitor this morning, he's taken a copy of the cafcass reply, but unfortunately can't comment on it as he wouldn't be able to claim for it under legal help scheme (fair point, but - a well done would have been appriciated). He does agree with me regarding waiting to see if this lifebook appears!! Thou he still think the court will let him have some form of indirect contact.....

I've decided I'm going to take the cafcass complaint further, I know its not going to change the outcome of the court case, and thats something I have to learn to deal with in my own way, but as they have admitted that what they did was wrong, yes they've offered an apology and they've had to send an amendment to the court, but as we still have to have the same one, I have lost trust and yes her boss is dealing with it, but I don't see how they come and muck up someones life based on an assumption and breach of confidence. Yes I've had an apology from the department, but that doesn't stop her doing it to someone else.

Family wise, mum tried to write a letter to the other grandparents to sort of introduce her and dad and guess break the ice, thou i ended up writing it for her, as thou it was comeing from her, she had a letter back from them today, and its going ok, they've said they know there never going to have the relationship that mum and dad have with DD, but they would never do anything to jeapodise that, or anything to hurt me and DD. I know it sounds daft, but it makes the situation a bit easier, that there both on equal footing, and mum knows there not coming in to take her place. My mum panics worse than me!!

Still plodding with the debts, seem never ending, but next week be another set of payments, as they Rome wasn't built in a day, and for just do what I can.

Been and taken the fathers day present to my uncle (he's called grandad) gets complicated set up our family - we got him a set of mini whiskies they were £3 instead of £12 - BHS sale - very mse, he'd got tears in his eyes at the card as it said no 1 grandad.

DD - wrapped dads up tonight, - he's the whisky as well, couple of tshirts, best dad travel mugs, and dad toilet paper. I've got him 3 bottles of beer and bottle of cider.
I try and get things throughout the year, and then fathers day - more token gift.

My aunt (nanny) - shes so funny, she slipped on a grape 3 yrs ago, and accepted an out of court settlement, - she was telling us when we were down there, when we left, the 1st thing DD said, - wonder if she'll give me any money!! cheeky madam she is.....

Me - I'm fine, just slowly sorting out the bedroom, - so far half emptied the wardrobe... thou gave up gutting the bedroom, take a week of sundays, - but on a positive have picked up knitting needles, - got some odd wool, so am knitting baby cardigans, by xmas we've got another 2 babies on the list - so mse - use wool we've got and thats sorted, and its stopping me from raiding the biscuit tin or cheese and crackers, - so doing good.

Just remembered got dentist Wed, - but for once not stalking him!! its the 6 month appointment, so me and DD go.... that be fun.

Off to bed in few mins, DD got a party tomorrow, so raided my emergency box, and giving the lad an MP3 player (argos sale £5 in Jan) v plzed. xx

mum2one

Its seems so much has happened/

The dentist - good news for both of us, just a tiny corner chipped on a back tooth, so something like concrete mix on it, touch wood don't need to go back for 6 months.

DD met her grandparents and her Uncle and Aunt on Thurs, the original plan was to have a whole day with them, but couldn't pull her out of school, wouldn't been fair, and it was assesments week, so we met them in the pub, I went in first, she sat in car with dad, and explained that hos lordship had tried to get hold of me again voa facebook, (guessing as they due to meet me, he told them its his and his family, or me and DD, so they told him me and DD comes 1st).

But within 5 mins of DD meeting them, she had them wrapped around her little finger, they spolit her rottem, they gave her £50, and a pandora bracelet with a charm of a dog, and a little note to say about their first meeting, and if ok with me, could they keep buying her charms bday, xmas etc, - yep more than happy with that,They brought me a beautiful silver clover necklace, and her uncle gave her £20.
But she was in her element, playing around, and taking photos, so really plzed, but there was still 10% of me that didn't 100% relax, sounds silly but needed a bit of me. They've asked if we would like to go and stay with them in Ireland, and their son and his wife, have also asked if we would like to go down and stay with them in South Wales.

There hoping to come across before xmas, but we agreed that we'd keep it to fortnightly calls, etc and go from there.

No news on the life book, felt like I was stalking the solicitor, but although the cut off date was Monday for the lifebook, the next cut off date is 8th July (which is when DD would have seen the lifebook and the report sent to court) go 14th... so really can't relax till after the 8th. They've said not to contact cafcass, and they won't either as it may give them the nudge in their favour. So just going to take one day at a time.

Money wise - topped the next £500, but be totally honest not going to plan, - it looks like I'm going to loose some money in July, and be losing £420 pm, which is debt money, already started putting the feelers out with CCCS (the one on here), but its get complicated, the computers suggestion at first was bankruptcy, I know my credit rating is shot to pieces, but there my debts and I can't go down that route, and also it would impact so much on the house, simple things like house insurance, even though its not in my name, it would affect mum + dads policy, I wouldn't then be able to continue as a school goveneror, or even hold secetary on PTA, I know those roles aren't as important as money, but I don't want the easy route out, also wouldn't be able to continue with Open Uni, even thou I get a grant, course of the fact I do 2 courses, my grant doesn't cover them, but a DMP the computer estimated 20 years.....

Its all boils down financially to being disabled, as mobilty, and care etc got worse, but when we filled in forms, they couldn't give me and answer and have wrote to the GP. if they say i'm not entilted to any money, that leaves me £420pm short, which leaves me in do-do.... if I do get some DLA, then i'll still have to look at help, so heopfully go for a dmp, but should should be able to pay 3/4 of what I need to pay, then in say 12 months time, those payments will be equal to what i'll be paying so striaghten itself up in time.

Worse case - if I don't get DLA and need to go on an IVA, as the mimimum free money I would need per month is £100 free, as I've looked at what they say you need to live on, and I could twidle some figures to less that what they recommend that you live on, its all so up in the air, but yes I may have buried my head in the sand previosuly, or would of gone the other way and on a total panic, at the monent, just taking one month at a time, and August will be the month hopefully can get sorted.

xx

taxi73

Sounds like the meeting with his family went ok.
hope you hear about your money soon..this changing of benefits as sure got a lot of people stressed

loumac

Hi mum2one,

Just trying to catch up on your thread as have had no internet. Seems like an awful lot is going on! I can't pretend to understand it all and it must be very stressful. I'm glad that family meeting went ok though and that your daughter enjoyed the fuss and attention, I don't doubt she deserves it.

Keep plodding on and good luck with this saga as it unfolds.

Thoughts are with you!

Lou xxx

mum2one

Thank you both, I feel awful claiming benefits, as theres people a lot worse off than me, but then theres also people who can do a lot that for many reasons don't. (including my ex - another story!!). The annoying thing is I'd love to go back to work and have independance and freedom, but sometimes even the simple things I can't do. It was all above board when did mystery shopping, but there wasn't enough work to survive on it, and now with the credit crunch there cutting back, one company still sends the emails out, and in 12 months, one job that I did, used to be £15, plus petrol, parking etc, its now £10, and no extras...

One good bit of news got the date through for my x-ray on my knee, and depending on results will be refer to specialist, already done the physio.

We're get there slowly...xx

mum2one

It def feels like fun and games here, seem to be updating everything, madam is still smitten with the grandparents and her new Uncle and Aunt, but in the nicest of ways still trying to keep her grounded.

I shouldn't laugh, but they rang to how I was etc, and any news re court case, they'd texted on the friday after they'd left the car had broke down, then on the way home got to the airport and the plane was 3 hr delay!! Bless them they managed to get around to see the family, they said they saw him and the baby, which to me is fair enough as he is still their grandson, apprently grandad hasn't taken to the grandson, its all madam!!

The ex - he crawls out of the woodwork, what a surprise the lifebook has turned up but 2 days late, yet we still expected to jump through loops and arrange for her ladyship to see it, according to her ... more hassle, when the cafcass officer rang it was the one who I'd complained about, she didn't even have the desceny to apologise for what she had done, ok she had to send an amendment to tthe court, and yes the department apologised as she was in the wrong, i just could not believe how blasie she was.... but I was polite, firm and told her that I would not make arrangements as had the court order had been breached by the late delievery of the life book, and I would need to speak to the solicitor. He's not happy, but thinks I may have to let dd be interviewed, but he's contacting the court to say it was late.

As for the ex, his new hobby is send facebook requests.... luckly the profile is blocked, so its the bare minimum, i've kept a record and we're up to 3 now, so told the solicitor, and he's writing a letter to say stop trying to contact her, and copy it to the court, it feels so petty, as I not even bothered accpeting, or doing what I would like, telling him to take a long work off a short plank, but I'm being good. Trying to get my brain round the lifebook saga, as coz of the cafcass officer, what she wrote about me, it boils down to the court wouldn't let me see it. She doesn't want to go, so I've tried to explain she may have to go, but speak up this time, if your not happy say so.

My 1st maintance payment came through, £13.70.. sent by Giro.... so sure by now he has realised the csa has caught up with him, but its for dd as I don't want it.

Money wise, thats still a nightmare, my DLA. apparently there writing to my GP, just want to get it sorted, since the accidnt last yr, and the allery attacks things are worse, but we're see. So the plan for Jul is to get all the bills in with keeping totals, then do a self arrangment for a 3 month period, hopefully by then I should have DLA sorted, - loseing that and IS premium, my income will have dropped by 50%, but have looked into cccs, as there non charging, - been throwing around figures and one suggestion bankruptcy, but for me its too complicated and the knock on effect, so if push comes to shove and theres no increase in the money, then it will most prob go down the IVA route, if DLA gets sorted, then I'll see if I can do a DMP, it the interest keeps adding on, even if it adds a yr or 3 on, I want to pay the money back, i've never been one to take the easy route.

Sports day tomorrow for DD so hope it doesn't rain!. xx

taxi73

sounds very stressful your end with everything..hope you get some let up soon

mum2one

Thank you, at least sports day went off ok, at one stage it did look like rain, but it was ok, they had a morning.

Mums bday 2day, dad had got her the handbag she wanted, thou he thinks we went halves on it!! DD got her 10 boxes of flavoured coffee, I got her some flowers, and a bday cake, tend to get odds and sods throught out the yr, but still felt bit quilty.

She was happy tonight, had a call from Argos to say her settee being delievered next Tuesday, which was a bit of a shock, as the original est was 30th July... xx

mum2one

Been a quiet day, DD went out with her best friend, and their family,to a funday, another event, and bbq, so did some sorting out presentds for bday (more double checking we have got them, says on paper, but reality a bit different), next job, is to see what we have ready for xmas and then finish the list off, given myself to end of Sept to get Xmas sorted, (bar mum, dad, and DD), with Open Uni starting again Oct, + Nov, want to be organised.

Still up in the air with money, but I have now decided to try and see if I can do it as a dmp rather than an IVA, but again, its all out off my hands till get DLA sorted. but hoping that with professional advice, - going to use cccs - free agency, so know that anything I pay will go to debts, just want it sorted, hate having a problem that I can't sort.

Got to try and get hold of that lovely cafcass officer Monday, considering her boss was due to ring Friday, (still waiting), as they have to get the report in at court by Friday, and as the solicotor said as life book has turned up, got to go throu the motions, but hoping that the harrement letter will go 100% in my favour.

Quite weird in a way, I had an email from DDs Uncle, as said get the email addy from the grandparents, and was in tears reading it, mums 1st reaction what the heck has he done now... no its this.... apparently there besotted by DD, and he said when she got into the car to go, he broke down, he said it hit him there and then how much they thought of her... and they've asked would we mind of they came to see us over summer hols and again b4 her bday, and when they get the house sorted, there renovating a house, that we can go down and stay anytime. Whilst I'm over the moon that they've accpeted DD and everything, but I know it sounds horrible I can't give 100% trust, I feel 75/25, I guess in time that will change, but I've had to put so many mental, physical, emotional barriers, that its going to take time to break them down. Mum then got upset, as she said its stupid but she feels pushed out, I've told her thats not the case, she was but I can't £50 in an envelope, buy her the jewellery, - but shes the one who's been there from day 1, she even got to hold her before me, as I was hemmoraching and all hell broke loose, mum had DD dumped in her hands, and I said, they've seen her once in 8 yrs, at the most there only liable to see her 3 or 4 times a yr, that be for a weekend, so yes she may get the money, but that doesn't make up for 8 yrs of xmas, bdays, first tooth, first work, first everything, and through no fault of theres (there idiot of a son) they have had nothing, and almost buying into the family. Madam likes money, what child doesn't, so think that helped, but we've said next time they come across that mum and come and meet them, and dad properly, as it was a quick pint last time, so hoping that will ease mum. I feel like screaming, I don't want to take on any more probs, I've got enough of my own. Not helped by the letter from the GP, you have not attended your smear (due March this yr) still on yearly recalls, even thou the precancerous cells was back in 2000 and with a collasped inside, i'd be on the ceiling and the air would be very blue.... due to get coil changed last yr, I have the hormonal one, to stop time of the month, as I was "on" for 6 month stretch... coz now all the hormones have been used, but 3 docs have tried and can't get to it... so that could be fun and games.... have set the plan for Sept for that, thinking of trying the family planning clinic, as not being technical, but there in that area every day, so should have a better chance of success... xx

mum2one

quick update -
The cafcass saga, we've won on another point, the original officer is not allowed to interview DD, despite her boss saying she had to, whether she has refused to I don't know, but trying to get it sorted, has to be done this week or Monday at the latest, and as they want her at the office, its got to be after school, she has ballet on a fri, it got to the stage where since last Thurs I have had to phone 3 times trying to get it sorted, as the report is meant to be in court by Friday... for hearing next Thurs. They reckon the latest they can see her is Mon, but we don't have a very happy child, she she said she doesn't want him and will tell the new person what she thinks. But I'm still following through with the complaint, as Friday is the last day that i have to get the complaint in by, have to do that tomorrow and send it recorded delievery so they can't deny it.

The settee came today, now the best thing since buttered bread, and what a comfty sofa, having leather best thing ever.... coming from daddy darling who refused to have anything to do with it, as he hadn't seen it, tried it, or had no involvement, hasn't taken Bailey long, he keeps trying to claim the 2 seater settee....

Money wise - this is the month that goes all wrong... unless a miracle happens and the DLA realise I'm telling the truth, more annoyed today as one of the parents at svhool has just had hers upped to high rate mobility, high rate care.... yet only uses her crutches for going to + from school can go clubbing most weekends, walks miles round town, and a lot of everything.... just doesn't seem right...
I've got the x-ray next week for my knee, then 7 to 10 days to get back to GP, hopefully know whats going on there, - one gd thing... as I have to wear tubigrip, I wear lomg skirt for school, don't have to have the perfect fuzz free legs!!

Money wise, just paid £220 today off bills, in the next week or so, some more will go off, as this a half and half month, - est I lose £90 this month, next month, I lose £420... so I have started looking properly into cccs, and one option as we don't know whats happening with the DLA money, is to see if they will do a 3 month arrangement, whuch will hopefully give me some breathing space and chance to get sorted, and then go from there. If was just the debts be easy, but its the interest, as one card zapped the interest up from 39.9% to 59.9% fair wack every month, others are 25 to 40% apr. it feels like when I pay £120 on a big one then theres only £8 servicing the debt. But trying to be positive and take it one day at a time. Thou one good thing is I will hot the 5k target by end of July.

When the grandparents phoned Sunday ngt, they spoke to DD, and then me, asked how everything was going, swimmingly!, I got a we need to ask you something, theres me thinking oh heck what has his lordship done now, or what have done, automatically thinking the worst, - but no, as DD and I haven't got a foreign trip for next yr, (can't afford it - thou they think its coz of my OU course work), they have a friend who has a 3 bed apartment in alicante, they normally go with her sister and bro in law, but they had an idea, if me and DD would like to go with them over Easter, along with their other son and his wife, (we get on brilliantly with them), there pay the apartment, and pay half our flight for us as a gift!! I think its a lovely idea.... but... we've only met them once (twice, but the 1st time was 4 yrs ago and it went all wrong), and I like all inclusive hotels, your money is your own, you don't need a big budget, and you can shut your door, but in an apartment your all together, yes DD and I have been away with mum and dad, we've been away with my friend and her family, we were in different hotels, so only saw each other every couple of days... so I don't know.

I better get to bed. otherwise I'll be falling asleep in class 2mor!! xx