November.2015.here.we.come

mum2one

Today went fast as I was in with DDs class, there was a girl who had just finsihed college and was getting experience, so i only read with 5 kids, and 3 of the children who are IEP work, I did 1 to 1 with them for an hr each they were over the moon.
Quite fun as we had pin boards making designs, more for repeat of pattern and colours, even thou they were learning they had fun, now got roped into going in Friday, and helping the kids make sandwiches, some project so they've worked it that kids can make their own sandwiches, in the morning and have them in the afternoon, so the teacher and i decided we'd take it 1 step further and have cocktail sausages, sausage rolls, etc, the proper picinic food, but its increaed even further as the teacher is leaving next week, the 3 i did the 1 to 1 with ask could I help them make a cake in the shape of Winnie the pooh... i know the kids think I'm brilliant, but not that good, so suggested we have fairy cakes, so everyonr get one, and no-one be greedy and have 2 pieces of cake!! Clever thinking on the spot - 24 kids, 2 tas, teacher and me, - so said we'd do 36 cakes - theres extras if anyone pops by, and worked out well, as one of the TAs is going to help me in the kitchen, so the plan is split the groups into half and one do their sandwich, while cake wise part 1 kids can do butter and sugar, part, then swop and then the 2nd of the kids group can do eggs and flour, and then I can chuck them in as and when , but the kids would have all had a go at mixing, feels like organising a miltary planned operation, got one of the TAs from the class above, rounding the kids up 2mor to sign a card. I thought well as there having the picnic we can make it a surprise leaving do...

The doctors appointment, - he had a tear in his eye, when he wiped it, that started me off, then mum and then DD. went in 1st and had a chat re the updates, and I mentioned my thoughts as in if she has to see him etc etc, but he's advised to go down the school route, as if it is distrubing her schooling, at the mo it is, shes gone withdrawn, speak to teacher, head, then get the school nurse to assess her, and then she'll refer if needed to a specialist, and it won't go against me in court, so thats the plan if 2mor goes boobs up.

Our GP is one in a million, we got him a leaving present, and DD gave him his xmas present (brought it in Argos Jan sale), it was the mug with the british flag in a storeage tin, and then we got the matching apron teatowel set, he just laughed, that we were so organised. He says please wait, I'll be back in a min, we're thinking ok... he comes back in, he's brought DD a box of Roses, as she was his favourite patient, and that we treated him like family, and made him welcome, and spolit him at xmas. It was a daft but thoughtful present, as DD did him a big selection of English kids sweets and a selection box, he loved it.

He's going back to India Oct time, and DD asks are you going 1st class, as I like the free drinks, but mum wouldn't let me have a baileys, thou she had a few! (typcial oh heck mo), he laughed and said no, just the normal seat, he asked would we give him our address so he can send an xmas card, and email to keep in touch, yep no probs, tonight there was an email from him, he had just opened his gifts and was speechless, save that nugget of info for DD 2mor.

Rang the solicitors at 4.30 and they haven't had the cafcass report, so won't get to see it before the court - but be fun as there no proper private areas and I have a gut feeling that he will turn up, and i am going to point blank refuse to discuss in public. So fingers crossed. xx

Keeping_Positive

Hoping things went well and you are busy celebrating. Either way (hugs) from me for both of you xx

mum2one

It went all an absolute mess, he turned up this time, with the g/f and 7 children in tow!! So I ended up having to be put in a sperate part of the court room. He lied to the judge, saying he hadn't contacted me at all... doh.. thsts why there was a letter saying stay away or else.

The next sage DD has to write a letter to him, he replies but sends it to cafcass, who will then interview dd and go from there, so were back in court start of Oct. DD is in an absolute state since Modnday, her teacher is concerned as shes gone really withdrawn , but as far as the school care, (if you can call it that) its tough luck, theres a week left till they break up, all the hard work has been done, - and the probelm doesn't seem to be DD its mine.

We spoke to GP, and he said he could go down the referral route, child shrink etc, but for DDs sake it would be better if the school go down that route, (bit more long winded) but as the teacher noticed they are in a postion to do something. The 1st person who I needed to speak to at school, turned round and said I should just let her see him, the poor kid has stated till shes blue in the face she doesn't want him, I should go for "couples councelling"... we're not a couple, 2 he assulated me, 3, I'm petrified of him, 4, he's just had an harresment order, and as DD id A+ student, and the teacher is leaving they won't do anything. I just feel like I'm hitting a brick wall. I had my daughter on Monday, but when I left cafcass I brought home a stranger, shes a ngtmare, shes now been in my bed last ngt + 2ngt, earlier in week, trying to get in with mum (wasn't much room), rude, tearful, doesn't want to do anything. Its been a gradual downhill since April, when she was 1st interviewed, I just feel like I'm lose her.
The farce with the letter me or any of the family aren't to help her with the letter, incase we influence her, luckly her best friends mum, (she knows everything,) DD stays over and the kids are inseperable, so shes going to help her, but if DD so choose, she can write I only want x,y,z, - this damm lifebook, I saw it before she did, wasn't meant to, even told cafcass, but their fault, there was about 3 pages of his childhood, pic of his mum, dad + brother, but he'd got photos of DD, (blew at, apparently when I was first in contact with his parents, they had pics from 0-5, we fell out then big time and it was due to him. In a mood the mother wrote to him _+ said this is whats we have lost thanks to you, and enclosed 4 photos of DD, Even thou knew he had been barred from having any.

But it was all about his new family, how long the gf was in labour, what a difficult pregancy, miracle child, the house is crammed to the rafters, no peace + quiet. He wanted to cuddle her, touch he skin. (ok yes a father but not to someone you've never seen), so i managed to block those out.

Shattering day at school friday, helped the kids make sandwiches, science, maths, literacy all tied up, and as teacher leaving, I brought stuff in, so they made 48 buns, but while I was washing up, (luckly there was just me in the room) it hit me like a ton of bricks, hadn't got upset I'd seen him again, at the court I just felt hatred, I know that sounds awful, but I can't help the way I feel, and disguist that he continues to lie and get away with it. He got around the contacting me via facebook, friend reuntied etc, as he wasn't contacting dd directly.

I've been advised that if DD wished to express her feelings as in your lifebook was missing, x, y, z. i don't want to see you, recieve letters, or cards, but in the future if or when she changes her mind she will contact him via the solicitors,(shes told them she wants no cards or anything) that may have some standing in court, at the next hearing.

All along I've never told her truth and never will, and I've always said if you ever wanted to trace your dad I would do everything that I could. He's a pig.

Shes putting her CSA money to good use, grand total of £13.70 per fortnight, shes decided to take up the clarnet, how long that loast no idea, her teacher from school is teaching her, for us she's doing 30mins for £10 (others its £15), our local music shop hires clarnets, there £55 for 3 months, and we've got a gd 2nd one, (one of children she teaches), for £30. So she's got her 1st lesson 1st week of hols, then next one be Sept, as teacher away, then we are, so I said if you have a lesson fortnightly, then the remainder of the money go towards ballet, the money is meant for her upkeep, and she nevers really asks for anything, 99% of the time she has a heart of gold.

Off to bed, that sif I can move her across.

Sorry for the rant, I just feel I want to scream from the roof tops, or pack a bag and get the 1st plane out of here, (not helped as our friend in Tunisia) where they live theres another house on the plot, her brother - in laws, they only go out July + Aug, and shes always said the house is there anytime just get the flight and we're pick you up. Just glad its July and the house is occupied, but I know in the long run have to face up to it all. x

taxi73

Really don't know what to say as it's all a mess and is so hard for you and DD to go through...sending big hugs.Think it's a good idea that as your DD has to write the letter that her friends Mun will help her and I guess the best thing for her to do is put down her honest feelings and take it from there.It must be hard for her as her loyalty probably lies with you and I'm sure even if he does get access he'll let her down as he just seems that type ..your DD is a clever girl and will have him worked out in no time.All is not lost yet as he hasn't been given access yet and all you can do at the moment is support DD as best as you can as it must be very strange for her after all this time.

mum2one

Thank you taxi, your one in a million, I don't know what we'd do without you.

DD is now camped out in my bed, fidget isn't the word, I woke up last night, and somehow she had got herself feet on pillow, head on the quilt.

We had a bit of a breaktrhough, only minor, but she asked could she bake some cherry scones this afternoon, and shes put some up ready for her teacher.

I was due to go into school 2mor, but no-one has had the decency to say the kids aren't going to be in class, there in the hall all day watching dvds, so the teachers can move classrooms, I know its the last week of the term and things wind down, only found out by reading the newsletter. I feel like saying stick it, but i know that would give the head everything he wanted.

But some positive news, mum said I could have her Tesco vouchers and put towards a holiday next yr for me + dd, i originally wanted to take her to Cyprus, but the hotel that I've been to, and not nice prices, if we went in main summer hols, 2 weeks, all in, £2900 and £3200 depending on which 2 weeks...thats the online prices, becoz we would be using the vouchers, we don't get any discount, - it sounds daft but its cheaper for us to go to Cuba, Mexico, jamaica etc. DD has seen 2 hotels in Cuba she likes, Iberstar Tanios (so freaky as that was where I was due to stay, till I got grounded by ash cloud!!), and another but the trip advisor reviews were really mixed. But know that we don't have 1k of vouchers, by next payout we're have £350, that should be £1150 off a hol, we're see, debts to be be paid 1st.

This week id the big debt sort out, my poor baby going for its MOT 2mor, have managed to put £150 by ready, know its bound to need something doing to it. We should just get through this month as normal, but godsend the DLA money being renewed, which means I won't need an IVA or bankruptcy, just a dmp, so the plan is to use cccs for the figures and case number, but see if I can self manage it on 6 monthly reviews, I can at least but try.

Also going to phone Open Uni and confirm my courses, was holding off to the court case, but as thats likely to be at least another 12months, I can't put life on hold. so trying to find something positive every day.

Got GP thurs, get the results of x-ray from my knee, fingers crossedshow something, if not then at least should get referral for a specalist and hopefully get to the bottom of this.

can't believe they've only got 5 days left at school, scary!!

mum2one

Some good news, managed to get the car through its MOT, needed a tweak and bit of help, but came in at £167, (brilliant as gave dad £150 towards it), thou need to get a tyre, its legal, but not much left, better to get it now, long term needs some welding, but that have to wait a bit.

Feel bit better today in myself, had a dodgy throat, and bunged nose, so had lazy day, but for now I can't do anything to change it, so just trying to accept it.
DD has a new friend coming for tea 2mor, but shes a lovely girl, she thinks the world of me, (she instant friend!!), but do DD good. xx

mum2one

IT DOESN'T RAIN BUT IT POURS.

I'm sure has got a knife ready for my back,

1st - letter from DHSS there now stopping my IS, as according to them I didn't reply to their last letter, which was asking for payslips from June 10, - June 11, - which as I haven't worked, can't send them so wrote a letter explaining that following from the letter in June 10, which was when i stopped working, as due to knee injury, had to pack in it...so have fun and games to look forward to on Monday

2nd - letter from solicitor the court have changed the date if the next hearing, its now DDs birthday.... really pee'''d off as in court they asked was that date suitable and I said no its DDs bday, so they gave me 4th Oct...now they've put it as DD bday, and a sarky note making sure that DD attends her cafcass appointment, that I must make her available...... i'm the one jumping through hoops and producing her at every time shes needed. Really annoyed

3rd. My knee if offically knackered, I had a letter to say that I have to see a surgeon about my knee..

what and see what else goes wrong...

taxi73

That all sounds rubbish am sure IS will get it sorted.crap about the court date on DDs birthday as well.Have the hospital said what's wrong with your knee?

mum2one

just seems one fight after another, the gp said its arthritis, and degeneration the knee is damaged, and he thinks it knee replacement, but my weight, my age... for a change I'm too young, but that was the GP, got to wait and c what the specialist says, so ring Monday to book an appointment,

Not to bad of a day, we did a car boot, made £15, so that got reinvested in petrol, def in one hand out the other too quick!! and got a bit of a suntan.

DD off to her friends Tues for a sleepover, so plan to spend Tues/Wed gutting the bedroom, stood still since had the last big effort, then Fri, planned a picnic with friend and her family, to our local park, (hope weather holds), so be a very mse week.

Fingers crossed can get everything sorted 2mor. xx

taxi73

I guess your DR may be right that you're too young for replacement as same here..so I'm trying to lose my weight to help with the pain.
Well done on car boot and the week ahead sounds good.