"First Date" discussion - can anyone help?

brokeinwales

Hi.
A friend and I were having the age-old discussion about who should pay on first and subsequent dates the other day. I seem to remember there was a discussion on MSE a while ago, but I can't find it to save my life (done about five different searches!). Can anyone point me in the right direction - I'd be really interested to read it!
Cheers

Mme.Hibou

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=448713&highlight=first+date

possibly?

brokeinwales

I was thinking there was something more specific than that. MMaybe one of the "moral dilemmas"? Or perhaps I dreamt it...

galvanizersbaby

brokeinwales wrote: »

I was thinking there was something more specific than that. MMaybe one of the "moral dilemmas"? Or perhaps I dreamt it...

I think you may be thinking of a moral dilema posted on the main site with a poll maybe a month or so ago - I am not sure how you find these or the resulting discussions

Dr.Rock

Why does there have to be any hard and fast rule? The person asking for the date could pay as they chose the venue/activity and offered to take the other person. If further dates are likely then the other person could pay on the next occasion. Offers could be made to pay or split the bill, hopefully stopping before it gets to a Mrs Doyle/Mrs Dineen situation.
A gentleman should probably offer to pay for the first one anyway, that's probably what I'd do.

brokeinwales

I found the discussion:

If anyone is interesteed it's here:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=21870813#post21870813

financegirl

i have very strong views on this and have to admit hijacking another thread - in my opinion the women should never ever pay on the first date and if the man expected her to, that is grounds for not even entertaining the idea of seeing him again

here's the thread - I hijacked it on page 2!! http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1830505&highlight=financegirl&page=2

zzzLazyDaisy

I always offer to pay half on a first date, and go expecting to do so. If the man declines, then I accept graciously, but if we carry on seeing each other then I will treat him later.

brokeinwales

i have very strong views on this and have to admit hijacking another thread - in my opinion the women should never ever pay on the first date and if the man expected her to, that is grounds for not even entertaining the idea of seeing him again

That's interesting - would love to know your background for this thinking if you want to elaborate.

Reason this all got opened up was to do with me being relatively recently single and recently starting to date again.

In the past I have always insisted on either paying my share, or trying to surprise / impress a guy by paying for him.

Pretty much every relationship I've had has been one where the guy became very dependent on me, financially and otherwise - I've repeatedly had to bail men out financially, have had them use my overdraft because they couldn't get credit, had them guilt trip me into buying them booze etc - complete disaster zone.

Anyway, one of my friends suggested that maybe if I was a little less willing to part with cash at the start of my relationships, I might have a bit of a screening process for guys who might take advantage later.

I sort of decided to give it a go, and for a short time have been seeing a wonderful man who doesn't seem to mind paying for me (NB. I'm not talking the Hilton here, more like the local pizza place!) - but I still feel horribly guilty about not paying my way, and worry I'll come across as a gold-digger (which I totally am not!). So I'm still in two minds about the whole thing... so it's interesting to find out what other people's views are on the whole thing.

financegirl

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

I always offer to pay half on a first date, and go expecting to do so. If the man declines, then I accept graciously, but if we carry on seeing each other then I will treat him later.

i would never offer on first date - he's asked me, so i presume he wants to pay.

I think it's more a respect thing really - i feel if he's not prepared to pay for the first date - it's not a good sign for the future. I have to say I would perceive him as tight for not paying.

if for e.g i asked my friend out for lunch, i wouldn't expect her to pay at all - it's my invitation, she didn't ask to go, so why should she pay..

i'm sure this is going to bring out some interesting points..

Poppy9

Long time since I dated but it was expected the man paid for all dates then though in practice once you had been going out a while you would start sharing the cost.

My DD 14 so will no doubt be on the dating scene soon. I would advise her to offer her share of the cost as women do have equal status these days and can earn equal pay.