"First Date" discussion - can anyone help?

Pssst

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

Psst do you not think you should pay for even the first date if you have asked her out??

As i said above i always offered to go halves but i do think its a bit cheap for the guy who asked not to pay for the first date. Subsequent dates then yes 50/50 is more than fair :-)

Yes,ok ,i think thats reasonable. I'm a fair and reasonable guy. What if the girl asked me out though? would she then have to pay for the first date??

blinko

dates in general should be 50/50 otherwise the other side ends up feeling like they have been taken for a ride, and generally if you can't share the bill....what kind of groundwork is that for a relationship ??

even if you are getting sex out of it at the end of the night, it just ends up feeling like your paying for it which isnt a nice feeling.

Puzzledbubbles

My 2p for what its worth - i think its a totally personal thing - i have issues with accepting anything from anyone and would rather spend my last £5 on something that i need and make a sacarifice than let a friend buy it for me - even as a present lf that makes sense.

But, im starting to learn that my issues cause arguments and embarresment and problems - not all the time, but i went on a 2 day excursion with my (very, very new) bf and had to accept the fact that i could not afford to pay for the hotel room, and could not afford to split it - therefore, it was either a case of going on the weekend and seeing the guy i really care about and hadnt seen for 6 weeks - or cancelling becuase of my pride.

So, i asked him not to tell me how much it was, i made a real effort the whole weekend not to balk whenever we went anywhere and he paid, and being the kind and caring chap that he is, he somehow managed to work it that we "took turns" only it was always my turn to pay in the coffee shop or in the bar whereas it was always his turn at lunch, at dinner, at breakfast etc.

So i guess what im saying is (in a very roundabout way) that what is right for one couple is not right for another and although i want to pay my own way etc sometimes its nice to be treated whether you are a girl or a guy

i think the first few dates show you how someone feels about cash etc and if you get on and you say you want to pay then that will be the right thing to do etc if that makes sense?

Puzzled x

Oh, and just for the record, next time we go away somewhere its my treat for the weekend

brokeinwales

Pssst wrote: »

Yes,ok ,i think thats reasonable. I'm a fair and reasonable guy. What if the girl asked me out though? would she then have to pay for the first date??

Whilst I'm pretty supportive of the 50/50 split thing, I do think that it's possible to be too rigid about it. I mostly think a woman should at least offer to pay her share (whether it should be accepted / pushed is another matter).

If someone got all political on me about it ("I believe in equality blah blah...") on a date, I'd definetly run for the hills though.

If someone actually demanded that I pay my share I would consider that appalligly rude.

i think the first few dates show you how someone feels about cash etc and if you get on and you say you want to pay then that will be the right thing to do etc if that makes sense?

I think that's probably what it all comes down to in the end. You do get a feeling sometimes, after someone pays or doesn't pay for the first drink of their attitude to the whole thing, and you can respond accordingly (some men seem to enjoy treating women, some appreciate going 50/50 or being treated, others don't seem that fussed at all)

brokeinwales

Interesting question: For the guys/ gals who said 50/50 is the way to go:
What happens if your date looks like they expect you to pay? Do you put down your half and ask them for theirs or what? How do you broach the subject?

And for the "the other person should pay" types - what do you do if the other person asks you for your share?

How do you deal with the awkwardness? It's easy to offer to pay the whole lot, or to accept - not so easy to ask the other person to cough up!

galvanizersbaby

brokeinwales wrote: »

Interesting question: For the guys/ gals who said 50/50 is the way to go:
What happens if your date looks like they expect you to pay? Do you put down your half and ask them for theirs or what? How do you broach the subject?

And for the "the other person should pay" types - what do you do if the other person asks you for your share?

How do you deal with the awkwardness? It's easy to offer to pay the whole lot, or to accept - not so easy to ask the other person to cough up!

This reminds me of the other dining thread that's on the go at the moment re splitting the bill
Think the most popular consensus was to declare your bill paying intention upfront - not sure how that would go down on a first date though

I would always offer to go dutch and if the offer was accepted
I would put down my half of the bill in cash and probably ask whether their were paying in cash or by card for theirs

If they were expecting me to pay for the entire date and didn't offer a contribution chances are they would end up in the kitchen washing up!
Not really, to save awkwardness at the venue I would pick up the bill but I would be looking to leave their company rapido

financegirl

hello everyone

I am obviously the exception on mse, a woman who would always expect to be wined and dined by men:eek:

Can't believe how mean some of the guys are on here

Psst - for example - can you not see the complete contradiction of your post. In one paragraph, you say "I am as much the gentleman and as gallant as the next guy".

Then in the following para you say "If the bill was £30 i might chuck £20 down. It depends on circumstances. If i knew the girl was in a low paid job or had overheads that particular week, i might treat her and pay the lot or pay most of it".

Sounds like a bl00dy business arrangment I might pay an extra £10 if she had overheads that week- you should be ashamed of yourself, I certainly wouldn't want to see a man again who was nit picking over £10 and there's no way you would ever get a kiss in the car at the end of the evening either!!!

I'm so disappointed in the amount of miserly men out there and also sorry girls, but some of you, saying you feel guilty etc - why if you got asked out on a date, I am scratching my head to understand why you feel guilty that he should pay. Self worth and self respect, really important qualities.

In terms of other ways of what men expect from dates and r/ships.

What happened to a month worth of dates, then you enter a r/ship and then you have sex? What's all this about waking up together in the morning, before any dates and seeing what develops. I am obviously living in the dark ages - I thank my lucky stars that I have the man I have.
.

galvanizersbaby

financegirl wrote: »

hello everyone

I am obviously the exception on mse, a woman who would always expect to be wined and dined by men:eek:

Can't believe how mean some of the guys are on here

Psst - for example - can you not see the complete contradiction of your post. In one paragraph, you say "I am as much the gentleman and as gallant as the next guy".

Then in the following para you say "If the bill was £30 i might chuck £20 down. It depends on circumstances. If i knew the girl was in a low paid job or had overheads that particular week, i might treat her and pay the lot or pay most of it".

Sounds like a bl00dy business arrangment I might pay an extra £10 if she had overheads that week- you should be ashamed of yourself, I certainly wouldn't want to see a man again who was nit picking over £10 and there's no way you would ever get a kiss in the car at the end of the evening either!!!

I'm so disappointed in the amount of miserly men out there and also sorry girls, but some of you, saying you feel guilty etc - why if you got asked out on a date, I am scratching my head to understand why you feel guilty that he should pay. Self worth and self respect, really important qualities.

In terms of other ways of what men expect from dates and r/ships.

What happened to a month worth of dates, then you enter a r/ship and then you have sex? What's all this about waking up together in the morning, before any dates and seeing what develops. I am obviously living in the dark ages - I thank my lucky stars that I have the man I have.
.

FG you're back!
I'm not completely with you on the man always paying for the dates thing and can't serious place the importance on it that you do (think I mentioned that before) but the 2nd paragraph I've highlighted I would definately sign up to and was thinking the same thing myself.

financegirl

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

FG you're back!
I'm not completely with you on the man always paying for the dates thing and can't serious place the importance on it that you do (think I mentioned that before) but the 2nd paragraph I've highlighted I would definately sign up to and was thinking the same thing myself.

Hello (waves and smiles) I can't find the wave icon!!!

Hopefully, one day you will be with me on the importance of the tight gits putting their hands in their dusty pockets and swatting the bats away as they pay for the first couple of dates. I know I've said before and this isn't in defence in case they all think I'm a gold digger, but it really doens't matter where the date is, or how much it costs, it's the consideration and respect issue.

My boyf has just called me and I've just asked him what he really thinks of women that would pay and put out on the first date and he said he'd be laughing all the way home and it would be one to tell the lads in the pub.

Ladies - I mean this with all the love in the world...

It's time to pull up your knickers and zip up your purses.:o

xmaslolly76

Pssst wrote: »

Yes,ok ,i think thats reasonable. I'm a fair and reasonable guy. What if the girl asked me out though? would she then have to pay for the first date??

Yes she should its only fair in my opinion in fact i have done this myself :-)