Need some advice

Greenmachine_3

lostinrates wrote: »

Re th incontinent thing, OP, consider it might one day, be your DH who you are cleaning up after. when I became very ill DH had to help me with things no one but my mother or a nurse would have done. I remember asking him how he could stand it and why he didn't go and he said it was nothing when you love someone so much, it wasn't something he''stood'' it was something he just did and was glad he was there to do with love. I don't know, bcause I'm not a mother, but I imagine that's how people in love with thir babies feel.

I agree with you. My OH got very very ill when we went to Asia for a month and I had to 'look after' him in a way only a medical professional could !

It didn't bother me one bit because I love him and rifle through his sh*t all day if he wanted or needed me to.
However, I was saying that I can't stand other people's kids being incontinent in the same way as I would never clean up anyone else's OH's sh*t.

The_Banker_5

Money_maker wrote: »

All this melodramatic 'I cant live without him' and 'he cant live without me' either means the OP has a lovely cosy relationship or she couldn't bear having to share the limelight.

I agree she does seem a bit needy.:D

tesuhoha

Greenmachine wrote: »

I had a great childhood and was part of a really loving family. My family were warm, there was lots of communication between us and physical closeness.

The kids that I have been around seem to be having fun with their parents- I don't know enough about kids to judge it.

My experiences of these kids, however, is that I can't stand them being around. I hate the thought of them being incontinent. I hate it when they touch me with their dirty hands. I can't stand their incessant babbling about rubbish. The sound of them crying or laughing goes through me like nails on a blackboard. I hate all of the adults at a social event have to be really aware of their behaviour (e.g. I went to a BBQ on Saturday and had to try and hold loads of stuff (which seriously impeeded my eating and drinking capabilities) that I would otherwise have left on the floor because someone decided to bring their kid along and I didn't want my stuff to be broken or eaten by it). I hate the way they put your stuff in their dribbly gobs.

You sound as if not only do you not want children, but that you also positively dislike them. I find this interesting because I've always felt like this and when I was quite young, I tried to figure it out because although I didn't want children at the time, I wondered why I disliked babies so much.

I finally discovered what I think is the reason when my mother told me that when my brother was born I hated him and used to sit on his head and used to have tantrums. (I was two at the time.) He was always her out and out favourite and she made no bones about him being her favourite. I think when he was born I was well and truly ousted and he got all the attention. So at 2 I think I hated the very sight of him.

I still am not overkeen on babies., although now I have no animosity towards them. However, my own kids were completely, completely different. I can't tell you how much so.

tesuhoha

Thats not to say that I don't respect your decision not to have a child but there are a lot of people who make the decision that kids are not for them but still quite like other peoples. I have always thought that you don't dislike children without some deep rooted reason. Maybe I'm wrong.

lynzpower

It sounds to me tes like that classic case of fearing dependence. I know this very well and certainly have had this as a feature in my own life. Saying that --the use of the owrd hate I probably wouldnt even have her babysitting for me for one moment, it really does give off the vapours of an dysfunctional attachment issue. Even those who are securely attached, can have some minor attachment difficulties pin particular how they allow others to attach to them. ( or not)

Isnt it amazing how she could wipe her boyfreinds bum cheerfully - yet not able to envisage doing this for a child who has not yet learned how to self care. This defies logic to me, I cant understand that at all.

The use of the word hate towards children feels so heavy, ( how can anyone hate a defenceless baby?) its either been fed to OP somehow or that she is using the word as a shield.

Either way I think it is so so SO sad that anyone can carry such hatred for another human, especially that they wont have done anything to harm the OP.

tiamai_d

If you hate kids so much and are so sure you don't want them, why the hell did you start a thread that seems to be all about you bashing children and those who have chosen to have children? All you have done is belittle others, whether those who would feel trauma over an abortion or those who felt a need to have children. Your obviously a great scientist and know everything about everything.

You've answered your own question, don't EVER have children, and if your OH decides that he does want them, then say bye bye to him and find a man who has had the snip and also can't stand children. I hope you have a wonderful life together.

tesuhoha

lynzpower wrote: »

It sounds to me tes like that classic case of fearing dependence. I know this very well and certainly have had this as a feature in my own life. Saying that --the use of the owrd hate I probably wouldnt even have her babysitting for me for one moment, it really does give off the vapours of an dysfunctional attachment issue. Even those who are securely attached, can have some minor attachment difficulties pin particular how they allow others to attach to them. ( or not)

Isnt it amazing how she could wipe her boyfreinds bum cheerfully - yet not able to envisage doing this for a child who has not yet learned how to self care. This defies logic to me, I cant understand that at all.

The use of the word hate towards children feels so heavy, ( how can anyone hate a defenceless baby?) its either been fed to OP somehow or that she is using the word as a shield.

Either way I think it is so so SO sad that anyone can carry such hatred for another human, especially that they wont have done anything to harm the OP.

It does sound rather weird lynz and that's why I think the OP should search her past for a reason for her feelings. Once an understanding of the feelings is reached then those feelings will hopefully disappear. I think a bit of self-psychoanylisis is required here.

In the meantime, I agree, don't hire said young lady as a babysitter. :eek:

Marcheline

Just to add my opinion, it sounds to me OP that you have been affected by your experience last year (regardless of whether or not you would like to admit it) This is because the mere mention from your boyfriend that he might not "mind kids" as much as you first thought has thrown you into total confusion. I admit that this could just be a natural response from someone who thought she had her life planned out, but I wouldn't have expected such defensive responses from you if this were the only thing bothering you. It sounds to me (and of course, I could be wrong, I don't know you) like you are perhaps wondering whether your boyfriend is as totally supportive of the choice you made? Indeed, it seems a bit odd to me that he would say something like he did a) knowing you had planned on having no children and b) knowing about the previous pregnancy.

Pollycat

lynzpower wrote: »

The use of the word hate towards children feels so heavy, ( how can anyone hate a defenceless baby?) its either been fed to OP somehow or that she is using the word as a shield.

Either way I think it is so so SO sad that anyone can carry such hatred for another human, especially that they wont have done anything to harm the OP.

tiamai_d wrote: »

If you hate kids so much and are so sure you don't want them, why the hell did you start a thread that seems to be all about you bashing children and those who have chosen to have children?

I'm not sure the OP DID say she hated children and babies.

She DID say she hated certains traits that they have - such as touching her with their dirty hands.

I do agree that it's a very strange thread that the OP started, and the longer it's gone on the more vehement her replies have become.
I wonder if greenmachine's OH has read any of this - and if so, what his reaction is to his (maybe) life partner's stated views on babies and children.
I'm sure she'll say 'yes, he has seen this thread, and of course he agrees with me'.

tiamai_d
I agree with you about the effect that the OP's views may have on other people on this specfic forum - especially the posters who unfortunately are currently posting on the "The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)" thread.

zippychick

Greenmachine wrote: »

I had a great childhood and was part of a really loving family. My family were warm, there was lots of communication between us and physical closeness.

The kids that I have been around seem to be having fun with their parents- I don't know enough about kids to judge it.

My experiences of these kids, however, is that I can't stand them being around. I hate the thought of them being incontinent. I hate it when they touch me with their dirty hands. I can't stand their incessant babbling about rubbish. The sound of them crying or laughing goes through me like nails on a blackboard. I hate all of the adults at a social event have to be really aware of their behaviour (e.g. I went to a BBQ on Saturday and had to try and hold loads of stuff (which seriously impeeded my eating and drinking capabilities) that I would otherwise have left on the floor because someone decided to bring their kid along and I didn't want my stuff to be broken or eaten by it). I hate the way they put your stuff in their dribbly gobs.

Good grief! There's some issues in there alright! :eek: I can understand and respect someone choosing not to have children, but this is like, way beyond not wanting children! Hate is a very strong word.

I feel sorry for the OP , if she would consider bringing a child into the world to "keep" her man. Dear dear dear, I've heard it all now! After reading this, I'm even more horrified.