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Need some advice
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Just out of interest, what are the good points to having children?Any question, comment or opinion is not intended to be criticism of anyone else.2 Samuel 12:23 Romans 8:28 Psalm 30:5
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die"0 -
Just out of interest, what are the good points to having children? Maybe it'll give the OP a bit of perspective.The excitment, joy and wonder of seeing a new person develop and grow. When they start saying, "Ah luboo Mummy." The relationship you have with them. The time spent doing things together.
Ok, I'll play Devil's Advocate. :rolleyes:
What are the bad points to having children?0 -
Ok, I'll play Devil's Advocate. :rolleyes:
What are the bad points to having children?
It is hard work but I don't think of that as a bad point any more than someone with a hotshot career would of their job.
:think:
My child is only two I haven't had time for bad points yet.
:think:
Seriously I'm struggling with this.
Having to spend time with other people who's children are similar age but are badly behaved?
Maybe someone else should answer this - I love being a mum.Any question, comment or opinion is not intended to be criticism of anyone else.2 Samuel 12:23 Romans 8:28 Psalm 30:5
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die"0 -
This thread is scaring me a bit!
Anyway, the thread has turned into a deluge of people trying to convince the OP that they should have children. I don't think that was what the original intention was.
I'm not going to try and convince you to have children, or tell you that you will want them eventually. I have no interest in having that argument.
Personally I thought I wouldn't have children (I am one of the least maternal around!) but I have changed. I unknowingly booked the appointment for my pill prescription renewal during the baby clinic at my local surgery, it was hard not to just walk out without collecting the prescription! I'm in no hurry, but one day I expect I'll have them. People don't seem to have mentioned that they are only children for 15-16 years, ultimately they are a person. That's kind of amazing, that you can create and raise another person.
Anyway, that aside. I would strongly recommend that you do not have a child to keep your boyfriend. I'm hoping that by the time he decides he definitely wants children (IF he does, I'm not saying it's a certainty but as said repeatedly on here, people DO change) you will be old enough not to do something like that. I may not a fan of young children screaming in restaurants, but I recognise that they are people and I don't think it would be fair to screw up a person for the purposes of maintaining a man.
I have to say, the way you project yourself on here does come across as a tad immature. That may just be the way you are unfortunately coming across and not the way you actually are...
I have been with my boyfriend for five years. I have no idea if we'll still be together in 5, 10, 20 years. I hope so, and I will endeavour to maintain the relationship in its current happy state, but stuff happens and people change.Even I realise that and I'm only 24. I've changed a lot since I was 18 or 19. I expect to change further before I reach the age of 40. My point is, I don't think anyone can be certain what is going to happen in the future, no matter how perfect you think things are at the moment.
"But there's things that'll knock you down you don't even see coming". Those are some of my favourite song lyrics, they make sense to me lol.
There is no need to continue mentioning expensive holidays etc as some sort of alternative to children. Some people have both. My boyfriend and I are personally very happy together even though we don't have a lot of money at the moment and have never been on holiday; as long as we're together we're not too bothered about going skiing or whatever.:rotfl:
Good luck though and hope all goes well. Don't try and influence your partner either way though as that will lead to resentment as you feared - if he decides he wants children, that's his choice.0 -
Just out of interest, what are the good points to having children? Maybe it'll give the OP a bit of perspective.
Ask your parents. See if they can come up with the answer.;)Nature wants the human race to survive. However, it does not depend on us because we are not its only invention.0 -
Hi there an interesting thread.
I am 32....I have never really been into kids.....I once baby sat for my 18 month old nephew nad found it the most boring thing ever! that was despite him being really into everything and a lovely child but I just din't enjoy it.
I have never wanted children and at 30 years of age decided to leave work and go to Uni..something i would have found hard if I had of had a small child.
Ironically the job I enjoyed was working with severly emotionally and behaviourally challenged teenagers. This is no way made me feel more put off or that i wanted children anymore than how I previously felt. I differentiated between the job and my personal feelings on having children.
I am petrified of the thought of giving birth and so scared that I would be any good as a parent. My own relationship with my Mother was difficult and my Dad died when I was a baby. Some classic attachment malfunction has definitely occured.
I have always wanted a place abroad and to travel and to basically lead a life without the constraints of children.
HOWEVER....and yes here is the big however. I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with just after I decided to go to Uni. He is 38. He has no children already and he too has led a life where he has traveleed, worked abroad and doen very much as he pleased.
He wants children I think mre than I do but I know I would like a child with him. It isn't about having one to appease him at all but I look at him and only feel it with him that I know bringing a new life into this world would be the most special thing we could do.
We discuss how our lives would change and it does scare us. he is like me in that other people's children don't do anything for him but I think that is fine! Some people are into children and others are only into their own! I know lots of people like this.
We are both scared of having children but can also see the joy it would bring to our lives. Yes one has to compromise on what you do with your life but surely it brings aobut different yet still enhancing experiences.
So although the OP didn't want to hear 'you are yound you will change your mind'.....I am not exactly saying this as i still am not really into having a child. If I split up with my OH I wouldn't want a child still but it is more about when you are in a partnership it sometiems becomes what you know is the right thing to do and you WANT to do it!
Hard to explain but hope I make sense.
Finally...subconscious. I had been a bit scatty taking my contraceptives. The doctor asekd me 'are you subconsciously forgetting so you can have a baby'!!!! that was the catalyst that really made OH and I discuss having a family as realised the Dr was spot on!!!0 -
Bad things about having children:-
You never come first anymore, you are tired all the time, your body gets a bit knackerd,
Good things:- For me, having children made me grow up and gave me a sense of perspective, and a link to the past and the future. It made me understand what joy is and made me lighten up and become less introspective.
However, if OP doesn't want children fair enough. I think maybe the hoo-ha on this thread is becuse the OP has a slightly annoying way of expressing things and comes across as ever so slightly smug.....0 -
I agree Ada Doom. I would say condescending rather than smug though to be honest. Or is it a defense mechanism?????????0
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After reading back over all your posts I get the feeling this has been a bit of a knee jerk reaction to something your partner said, maybe in passing. We're all guilty of that though so I'm not pointing any sort of accusation in that sense. Bearing in mind that it is such an all round emotive subject, it probably wasn't wise to post something like this on an open forum.
No one here, or anywhere else for that matter, can persuade you to have children, you have clearly made your mind up that it's something you don't want, likewise with your partner who has said he is "97%" certain. Things may or may not change in several years time, no one can predict that.
Like some others have said before me, perhaps look into other methods of contraception as the Pill is not 100% effective - you said you fell pregnant after a bout of sickness, however the leaflet and doctors advice regarding the Pill does mention taking other precautions (condoms) as being sick (and things like anti biotics) can affect the way the Pill works.
I have a few friends who use the coil without any problems, perhaps that could be an area you could look into in the future as well as the injection etc.0 -
The excitment, joy and wonder of seeing a new person develop and grow. When they start saying, "Ah luboo Mummy." The relationship you have with them. The time spent doing things together.
Apart from the baby talk I can get all that from a cat, although owning 2 orientals, they do make some baby like noises at times.
I still dont see what the good things are about having a child, the friends I know who do have kids, always seem to be having some stressy child related drama.0
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