Need some advice

tiamai_d

You've experienced being pregnant once and only the first trimester. Each of my 3 have been so different, first time I only felt sick till midday, second I had hyper emesis and was sick constantly and this time it was more tiredness. Not trying to say you have no reason to be afraid, but you could have another pregnancy and be fine. Just saying.

As for abortion having no real emotional risk, I beg to differ. You made the correct choice for you, but I can tell you the 4 weeks where I waited for my 'abortion date' and sitting in that room were sheer hell. Had I went through with it, I very much doubt I would be here now, the guilt over making a choice that was wrong for me would have been too much for me to take and I would have done something very silly. Luckily I got a second opinion after I broke down at that appointment.

Again, those were my choices and correct for me, but I would not go round making statements and generalisations based solely on my own choices and experiences.

You have every right to chose not to have children, but to say that you won't change your mind (or feel differently if you had a child to keep your OH) is just naive. It was only a few nights ago that there was a programme about post-menopause women spending thousands on IVF to have babies after they spent their fertile life convinced they never wanted children.

And finally, having a child is never a good way to hang on to a partner, it never works and the 'elastoplast children' always suffer as a result. If you don't want children, don't have them, be be prepared that your partner may feel differently and you will both have to then decide what is best for each of you.

Pollycat

BallandChain wrote: »

I was confused, is this the same couple as one post you say the husband got his new wife pregnant, in the second post it was the wife of the couple who got pregnant after leaving her husband?

The_Banker wrote: »

Yes, same couple. Amazing coincidence when you think about it.:eek:

Coincidence?
More chance of winning the Euro lottery than that happening. :rolleyes:

pandora205

What an interesting, if rather emotive, discussion. I've had lots of thoughts reading it, many of which have already been expressed.

I do wonder about OPs experience of children and families, both from her own childhood and from the present. Were there loving warm relationships, with lots of physical closeness and communication? Are the children in the families around having fun with their parents?

Sometimes the image of young children is of all the tough stuff - nappy changing and night feeds - whereas the reality is much more rewarding. The intoxicating impact of a new born following his parent with eye contact; a four year old snuggled close in bed sharing a bedtime story; a deep conversation about the meaning of life with a teenager: these are some of the secret rewards of being a parent. And at other times, being a parent is a lesson in selflessness and humility. (Remind me that next time I moan about my teenagers!)

Now, I am rather biaised in my views as I've always loved being around young people and as I'm a psychologist who works with children and families. I wasn't that keen on babies until I had mine - and I certainly wasn't prepared for the love affair I would have with them, which came as a surprise. How could I not know with my background?

Incidentally, I didn't have my first until 35 and have a long and successful career, including academic study (ongoing). It is possible to have both, though it is hard work.

Odette

If it makes you feel any better, I have this dilemma too (Im 23) and no one will believe me that I dont want children.
I always make it very clear whenever anything gets vaugly serious that i wont be considering the possibility of having children; there are far too many children in the world anyway.

Chin up, if he thinks he will want kids, move on, find another. You have plenty of time.

Frugalista

I'm another one who never, ever wanted children (and really can't stand them, either :rolleyes:).

I don't believe I ever had a "baby" doll and never played at being a "mummy" - much prefered the family dogs. I think I was around 13 when I realised I didn't want children in my life - married at 21 to a man who didn't want kids either - had a miscarriage at 22 (contraceptive failure). My biological clock never started "ticking".

I have been happily married and childfree for 30 years and never regretted my decision.

OP, I admire your honesty - go girl :T!

Money_maker

All this melodramatic 'I cant live without him' and 'he cant live without me' either means the OP has a lovely cosy relationship or she couldn't bear having to share the limelight.

Greenmachine_3

pandora205 wrote: »

I do wonder about OPs experience of children and families, both from her own childhood and from the present. Were there loving warm relationships, with lots of physical closeness and communication? Are the children in the families around having fun with their parents?
.

I had a great childhood and was part of a really loving family. My family were warm, there was lots of communication between us and physical closeness.

The kids that I have been around seem to be having fun with their parents- I don't know enough about kids to judge it.

My experiences of these kids, however, is that I can't stand them being around. I hate the thought of them being incontinent. I hate it when they touch me with their dirty hands. I can't stand their incessant babbling about rubbish. The sound of them crying or laughing goes through me like nails on a blackboard. I hate all of the adults at a social event have to be really aware of their behaviour (e.g. I went to a BBQ on Saturday and had to try and hold loads of stuff (which seriously impeeded my eating and drinking capabilities) that I would otherwise have left on the floor because someone decided to bring their kid along and I didn't want my stuff to be broken or eaten by it). I hate the way they put your stuff in their dribbly gobs.

Greenmachine_3

Money_maker wrote: »

All this melodramatic 'I cant live without him' and 'he cant live without me' either means the OP has a lovely cosy relationship or she couldn't bear having to share the limelight.

We have a really close and cosy relationship!

Not sure what you mean by 'limelight' but, yes, I don't want to share him with anyone if thats what you mean.

belfastgirl23

Money_maker wrote: »

All this melodramatic 'I cant live without him' and 'he cant live without me' either means the OP has a lovely cosy relationship or she couldn't bear having to share the limelight.

Surely that's what it's like being in love at 23 though? I remember it well

lostinrates

Re th incontinent thing, OP, consider it might one day, be your DH who you are cleaning up after. when I became very ill DH had to help me with things no one but my mother or a nurse would have done. I remember asking him how he could stand it and why he didn't go and he said it was nothing when you love someone so much, it wasn't something he''stood'' it was something he just did and was glad he was there to do with love. I don't know, bcause I'm not a mother, but I imagine that's how people in love with thir babies feel.