Need some advice

Greenmachine_3

Marcheline wrote: »

Just to add my opinion, it sounds to me OP that you have been affected by your experience last year (regardless of whether or not you would like to admit it) This is because the mere mention from your boyfriend that he might not "mind kids" as much as you first thought has thrown you into total confusion. I admit that this could just be a natural response from someone who thought she had her life planned out, but I wouldn't have expected such defensive responses from you if this were the only thing bothering you. It sounds to me (and of course, I could be wrong, I don't know you) like you are perhaps wondering whether your boyfriend is as totally supportive of the choice you made? Indeed, it seems a bit odd to me that he would say something like he did a) knowing you had planned on having no children and b) knowing about the previous pregnancy.

I wasn't affected by my 'experience' last year. My attitude to abortion and children has been completely unaffected. I felt exactly the same before and during the pregnancy as I do now. Of course, you may come back and say that 'subconciously' I have been affected but I would beg to differ with that as I don't subscribe to the notion of a subconciousness.

I know my partner is supportive of my decisions and only said that he wasn't 100% sure he didn't want kids because I asked him outright 'If I was completely neutral on the child front, would you want kids?'.

I'm not really sure what the pregnancy last year has to do with him saying what he said (your point b). Sorry.




I spoke about this whole thing to my partner this morning and he just laughed at me. He said that he is still 97% sure he doesn't want kids because, I quote, 'they would mess up everything that we have planned and can only make our relationship worse because nothing can make it better'. Awwwww!

And, I quote, 'we wouldn't even have to start thinking anything about it until we are about 40'.


Edited to add: My partner hasn't read the thread but I haven't said anything on here that he doesn't already know.

lynzpower

Does he believe that the subconscious exists?

Greenmachine_3

lynzpower wrote: »

Does he believe that the subconscious exists?

No.

Need more characters to post- what the hell?

galvanizersbaby

tesuhoha wrote: »

It does sound rather weird lynz and that's why I think the OP should search her past for a reason for her feelings. Once an understanding of the feelings is reached then those feelings will hopefully disappear. I think a bit of self-psychoanylisis is required here.

In the meantime, I agree, don't hire said young lady as a babysitter. :eek:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I think OP just genuinely sees these emotive issues in black and white and is unable/unaware to understand why anyone posting on here would be shocked/offended.
Also (not meaning to patronise) but is still quite young and self absorbed.

I'm not sure there is a need for psycho-analysis at all I just think that some people see the world this way - I know someone (male not female though) who is similar and has not changed in the 10 years I have known him - just the way he is.

Becles

Greenmachine wrote: »

I'm not really sure what the pregnancy last year has to do with him saying what he said (your point b). Sorry.

He could be having second thoughts, possibly regrets or just thinking "what if...." regarding the abortion.

I lost a baby through miscarriage before I had my eldest and occasionally I wonder how life would have turned out if (s)he had survived. It's human nature to wonder "what if" about lots of things, not just babies.

Pollycat

I've posted on this thread a few times.
Like a small number of people who've also posted, I always knew I didn't want children.
I never changed my mind and am still childless on the wrong side of 50. :rolleyes:

However, unlike the OP, I actually DO like kids - as long as they are kids, not brats IYSWIM.

My friends who did have kids always remarked how much patience I had with their kids and some said I should have been a teacher. :cool:
Like the OP, I'm quite fastidious about my clothes etc and don't like grubby hands and I've never ever changed a nappy - but I could never say 'I hated it'.

dumpy

Is anyone else looking back to when they were 23 and remembering all the things you were soooo sure about.....

At 23 I was working on my PhD and the atmosphere in a University is so different to the real world. I had firm and fixed ideas about what I was going to do and where I would be. Funny how life gets in the way....

zippychick

Greenmachine wrote: »

And, I quote, 'we wouldn't even have to start thinking anything about it until we are about 40'.


Edited to add: My partner hasn't read the thread but I haven't said anything on here that he doesn't already know.

40 :eek: Of course plenty of people have babies at 40 but isn't that leaving it a little late ? But then again, you're "against" children so why would it worry you?

Have you explicitly told him how you would have a child purely to keep him, be uninvolved with the child, and give the child to him if he left you? And not want to change any nappies or be in the childs life much?

galvanizersbaby

Pollycat wrote: »

I've posted on this thread a few times.
Like a small number of people who've also posted, I always knew I didn't want children.
I never changed my mind and am still childless on the wrong side of 50. :rolleyes:

However, unlike the OP, I actually DO like kids - as long as they are kids, not brats IYSWIM.

My friends who did have kids always remarked how much patience I had with their kids and some said I should have been a teacher. :cool:
Like the OP, I'm quite fastidious about my clothes etc and don't like grubby hands and I've never ever changed a nappy - but I could never say 'I hated it'.

Me too - I feel like this about dogs - big dribbling ones that slobber all over my dry clean only work clothes - I wouldn't say I hated them - just would go out of my way to avoid them
I have 2 children so have had to put up with a bit of dribble and a grubby hand or two (nowdays I just make sure they wash them before coming near me when I'm wearing my white trousers ) but that said I wouldn't fancy being dribbled on or having grubby hands on me from other people's children.

I can only really put up with these traits from my own kids

The_Banker_5

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I think OP just genuinely sees these emotive issues in black and white and is unable/unaware to understand why anyone posting on here would be shocked/offended.
Also (not meaning to patronise) but is still quite young and self absorbed.

As soon as she meets the right one she will want his kids.;)

I think at the moment she is just living in limbo.;)