help with live in mother

squibbs25

Well done hun, like another poster stated your either a mug or a saint, i think the latter on this occaision defanitely !
Please dont be hard on yourself for the choices she has forced you into making.
I don't know of any people that would put up with what you describe for a PAID living, let alone for free ...... why do (some) parents get off on treating their kids like poo?
Your probally going to be enemy no 1 for a while but don't let that get you down.
I admire you, you've done a fab job of looking after her. I love my mum dearly but we could never live in the same house, i haven't lived with her since i was 15, no chance i'm gonna start now LOL

Stay strong, i wish you luck.
Squibbs

sandraroffey

well done. stay strong. ousing assoc would house her tomorrow but housing assocs mostly only work if you are on the housing list.

start to make some enquries yourself because as sure as eggs is eggs, she wont.

consultant31

Been there, done that - not with my Mum but my father-in-law and trust me, it was a nightmare of gigantic proportions.

He lived with us for 14 years (ish....I try hard not to remember, lol) and was an utter pig! His manners were dreadful (never a thank you no matter what we did for him), his personal hygiene non-existant.

People here have said you're a saint and I have to agree, but no-one has said what a saint your husband and children are - they're suffering too!

You've done the right thing......I wish I'd done it. FIL lived here till he died and in all honesty it wasn't a day too soon (I know how that sounds but I grew to hate him and so did OH).

Once she's gone, hopefully you'll be able to get your relationship back on track and who knows, she may even buck up and lose some weight doing her own housework

scotsgirl_3

Well done for standing up to her, and you are definitely not a bad person - take this from someone who hasn't spoken to hers for 3 years, just because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to like her or take cr*p from her. You have done amazingly well to last this long with the abuse you have taken.

My mum stayed with us very briefly (she was unable to manage stairs so couldn't be at home) and complained that she was lonely cos we worked all day, and whinged for hours (honest) about how she had to clean the litter tray once because the cat had used it(during the day while we were out, it was cleaned morning and night) and she shouldn't have to do anything at all. Oh, and my food wasn't good enough, or from the right shops.

Your house, your rules. Don't let yourself be taken for granted any more.

mortgagefreeby_2023

This is what she does. She complains that she has no one to talk to all day when we are at work, then moans about how tired she is, when my husband and I are on our knees after a 12 hour day each. I then have to come home and do all the housework, she cant because she is "old" and "cleaning is boring". Really thank you so much for getting this into some sort of focus. I dont take this sort of crap from anyone else. I dont know why I have put up with this for so long and I sure dont know why I have let it slide to this level.

BitterAndTwisted

You did it because she's your Mum and you loved her. Maybe you will be able to do so again once you've got some distance from the hell it's been for you.

Old! She's bone flipping idle and she's going to get a very nasty shock when she has to get off her fat a**e to waddle down to do her own shopping, never mind the boring old housework. Serves her right: if she'd behaved decently and been a pleasure to have around she could have kept herself in the clover she's been accustomed to

Errata

Anyone under 60 is considered to be in late middle age nowadays !

scotsgirl_3

*hugs*

Standing up to family is always hard, and I would say (from experience) that not everyone will understand. I've heard every line going, "but she's your mum", "you have to be there for her", "that's what family do", and my personal favourite "you'll grow out of it...." as if it some sort of stroppy hormonal teenage phase. Especially if you have been bearing the brunt of her bad behaviour for years, as I did and it sounds like you have too.

I'm not going to pretend that they were all supportive overnight (I'm talking my siblings, aunts and uncles, even in laws lol!) however, I found that eventually, without me to take her nonsense out on, she started doing it to other people instead. Fast forward 3 years and brother wont communicate with her either, and her sister (who she spends half the week with) phones me regularly so that she can blow off steam about all her devious, manipulative habits which no one else can see........

At the end of the day, like you, I wouldn't take it from anyone else, and I believe that family should still have to abide to at least some standards of decency. My mum also put massive strain on my relationship (which happily is now a marriage) and for me, it was the day that I heard her screaming and swearing abuse at my OH that finally made me see that I had to put myself and my future family first.

As long as you have the really important people (hubby and kids) onside, then you'll be just fine. You sound like you have been a wonderful daughter, and she doesn't deserve you.

never_enough

Well done you, don't be bullied by anyone.
Can't believe she thinks she's old, that's hysterical. My grandfather often talks about the old lady across the road that he helps out sometimes....
he's 92 bless him.

UKTigerlily

60 isn't old, my Stepdad works, he's 60 & has had a heart attack so she can! I think you know she's saying anything to suit her, she knows she has it made, tell you what, can I live with you instead, I promise to do the housework!