It's all over, can't cope anymore

zippychick

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

Thank you for this, brought tears to my eyes reading it...

Luckily no arrears in rent, council tax etc

Money owed is as follows:

£140 to the bank (this scares me)
£200 to my mum (she is understanding and I can pay her back when I can)
£140 to my sister (ditto as above,want to pay her asap though)
£400 social fund (taken weekly from benefits)

Writing that down, it suddenly doesn't seem bad at all.. It's just the bank I need to worry about, what do you think they will do? I don't know how quickly I'll be able to pay them back.

Yes, you're right about the gambling being an emotional issue. When I was with my ex I gambled because I was lonely, I guess the same can be said now, too much time on my hands and no bloody sense.
I DO want to change, I will not gamble again, it's senseless

Going to make a cup of tea and a list of my i&e

Thank you everyone for your advice so far, I appreciate all the comments and suggestions

Ah bless you poor thing! OK so immediate concerns are the bank? What is the social fund thing?

Regards your bank, by the time you speak with them tomorrow, I would suggest you have your head screwed on and have a plan. Can you work out how much you can afford to pay back and when? They may not close it? They may freeze it?I have no idea, but £140 could be an awful awful lot worse . POssibly not the best suggestion, but could you borrow it off your Mum to at least break even with the bank? Im not suggesting you rob Peter to pay Paul, but i know how much you seem to be stressing about the bank and losing the account. Sorry if that is a silly idea, just trying to think short term saving the bank account and precenting that stress.

Can you open up to your mum or friend and ask for their help and support?

You have made a list now, thats another step. Already you have done well. :T

hows that tea going down?

Without sounding all Polyanna, at least you have a roof over your head and your lovely little girl. I would concentrate on sorting out your finances first, then worry about him in a day or so. You cant possibly make unemotional biased decisions when feeling so fragile. Hope im not saying the wrong thing here.xx

MrsTinks

Firstly you've had some good advice already... but one thing I haven't seen mentioned yet... have you spoken to your GP abotu how you're feeling? It MIGHT be that antidepressants will help or they might be able to refer you to someone like a shrink (sounds so negative but I can't spell psycologist... or can I? ) to discuss not only the gambling but also the feelings of inferiority that your early posts on this thread seems to be displaying...
It MAY be that you're depressed - it's nothing to be ashamed off, it's an illness like any other and can affect anyone from any walk of life.
Put the ex on ice for a while. If you get back together then for your sake let it be on an equal footing

RedBern

is there a credit union near to you? You can get good advice about tackling your debt problems there - and start putting £1 a week away as a savings play - it's not a lot but it is a start. Sounds like you're tackling this now - just facing up to it is a start.

BitterAndTwisted

Darling, owing only £140 to the poxy bank ain't nothing. Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. They might deny you access to the account but they will not send the bailiffs round for £140, I promise you. They'll probably start sending you shirty letters once they realise you've cancelled the Direct Debits and don't have any income being paid in any longer but a 140 overdraft IS FIXABLE. Easy peasy. It's just going to take time, that's all.

As long as you're not in rent/mortgage or council tax arrears, all is well.

zippychick

Its late but a link or two

Ask a counsellor a question (cnsumer credit counselling service) or possibly on the bankruptcy Ask a counsellor a question thread would be more appropriate?

Problem debts and were to get help

deal with problem debts

Budget planner

National debt line

The Samaritans

Types of basic bank accounts

Bankruptcy help

Chat with other bankrupt people - The bankrupt inn

Debt free wannabe board

Hope some of those help m'lady. OH. And here

Things will be ok. You can sort this out! ! !!

lolababy

Hi how about looking into doing car boots or ebay to raise some money. Ask family and friends for things you can sell.
I cant offer any advice on your ex but why not write a list of reasons to be with him and reasons not to. Maybe this will help you to see things as they really are.

delain

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

No I went bankrupt on my own, not because of the gambling, because I lost my job and he left at about the same time, a few months later I had to go BR as I had no way of paying my debts

I have sought help before, I have now banned any sort of gambling on my pc, so I can't do it again, but it's like shutting the stable door etc. I need to focus my head around the problems I have now and get myself sorted once and for all. I don't want to live like this anymore, I want a good future for me and my kids

I think if you were going to GA then your ex would be able to see that you are doing something about it?

You should tell him, he will appreciate your honesty! Even if he runs, you won't spend you whole life thinking 'what if?'

bestpud

When you have your SOA, take it to the CAB and ask them to help you contact the bank and arrange an affordable repayment schedule. You will probably have to put your debt to your mum and sister on the back burner for now but be open and tell them why. Show them your budget if it helps and let them see you are working towards solving this problem. Hopefully they will support you.

The social fund debt is nothing to worry about right now tbh as that will just tick along on its own.

Also, go and see your GP and ask about counselling (there may be a massive waiting list but it will be free if you can get it). I also think you sound depressed.

I'm not sure having your ex back is a good move right now as it will be on his terms and I think you are drastically underselling yourself! Also, if you cannot tell him about your gambling addiction then I wonder how ready you really are to face it head on?

It will take hard work and determination to deal with the underlying issues that lead to your gambling but admitting it is the first step imo.

Do you have a good friend you can talk to about this? And give you a hug maybe?

Good for you that you've called a stop to all this - it could have been much worse, although I'm sure it doesn't seem that way now.

If it helps to know this, I am crud with money (I don't gamble but really struggle to keep any!) and I have only very recently forced myself to sit down and get to grips with what I have and what I owe.

It was terrible at the time (I spent two days thoroughly depressed and crying) but I kept telling myself it is only me who can make it right. My friend was a great support as well though, so I thoroughly recommend a good friend!

Now I have a budget and it looks terrible tbh (I have so little disposable income some weeks it is scary) but I feel so much better for knowing what I (don't) have and being in control of it iyswim.

My debts are not massive either, compared to many on here at least (about £2500) but I can see them reducing now and I no longer wake up in a cold sweat worrying how I will pay for things, or spend ages being too scared to look!

I don't know if that helps or not but keep strong as you will get through this. Just take it one step at a time and use this site!

Good luck!

dreamcatcher73

Thank you to everyone who has replied and given some excellent advice. I have woken this morning in a more positive mood, going to tackle the housework that, I'm ashamed to say has been neglected these past few days. Once I have a clean house I'm sure I'll feel more positive about things.

I will wait for the bank to send me a letter about the account, that will give me a few days to sort out my finances and see what I can offer them. Probably wont be much, but even £10 a week will see it cleared in 14 weeks, if they don't slap a load of charges on...

It has been suggested to me before, by my family, about depression. Although I think there may be some truth in it, I really don't want to take anti depressants. I don't know much about them, but I feel it would just be masking the unhappiness? If I can sort myself out and find my "natural" happiness that would be so much better..

As far as my ex goes, I am going to just let it run its course for now. There were no immediate plans for a reunion, so baby steps with that one. Firstly I don't want to go back into the relationship when I'm not happy with myself and secondly I need time to think about if it's what I really want and whether or not I think it will work..

I am not going to borrow any more money from my family, I think that maybe half my problem is that I always have someone who can bail me out of situations that I put myself in. I need to deal with this the hard way, to teach me the importance of budgeting and looking after my money better.

Can anyone answer a practical question? Is it possible to pay for something by direct debit on someone elses account? I need to find a way to pay my house and car insurance and my internet, these seem to be the only bills I need a bank account for. For instance, can I use my sons account? He lives at the same address as me, but we don't have the same surname.

Thanks everyone for the support

bestpud

Glad you are feeling more positive this morning, and you are right, a tidy house does help!

How about asking your GP about counselling? I feel the same way about anti-ds but have found them helpful when I've been very low.

Mind also do cheaper counselling for people on benefits in some areas so you could give them a call.

I also think you are right not to borrow anymore money at this stage.