It's all over, can't cope anymore

zippychick

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has replied and given some excellent advice. I have woken this morning in a more positive mood, going to tackle the housework that, I'm ashamed to say has been neglected these past few days. Once I have a clean house I'm sure I'll feel more positive about things.

I will wait for the bank to send me a letter about the account, that will give me a few days to sort out my finances and see what I can offer them. Probably wont be much, but even £10 a week will see it cleared in 14 weeks, if they don't slap a load of charges on...

It has been suggested to me before, by my family, about depression. Although I think there may be some truth in it, I really don't want to take anti depressants. I don't know much about them, but I feel it would just be masking the unhappiness? If I can sort myself out and find my "natural" happiness that would be so much better..

As far as my ex goes, I am going to just let it run its course for now. There were no immediate plans for a reunion, so baby steps with that one. Firstly I don't want to go back into the relationship when I'm not happy with myself and secondly I need time to think about if it's what I really want and whether or not I think it will work..

I am not going to borrow any more money from my family, I think that maybe half my problem is that I always have someone who can bail me out of situations that I put myself in. I need to deal with this the hard way, to teach me the importance of budgeting and looking after my money better.

Can anyone answer a practical question? Is it possible to pay for something by direct debit on someone elses account? I need to find a way to pay my house and car insurance and my internet, these seem to be the only bills I need a bank account for. For instance, can I use my sons account? He lives at the same address as me, but we don't have the same surname.

Thanks everyone for the support

Great news! Good thoughts on not borrowing any more. I knew I was making a bad suggestion, but I wasn't sure how important the bank account was to keep and well, silly advice . So glad to hear you are more positive this morning and more in charge of your affairs. You are now taking responsibility.

Cleaning is a great way of sorting your mind out and doing mental preparation - when I need a good think, i clean!

Sounds like some really good advice there from Bestpud, asking the CAB to speak to the bank on your behalf. That sounds like a way forward. I can't imaging the bank will close your account, but if they do, you just deal with it and move on.

Regards the direct debit , I *imagine* you should be able to arrange some form of alternative, but only one way to find out. I would assume they have an alternative payment method as I would think there still may be some people who don't have a direct debit account, so you might be able to set up a third party DD with a letter signed by you and your son, or you may be able to arrange sending a postal order each month or something. Give them a quick call , say you might have to close your bank account and what other options are there? Information is power.

regards depression, I know what you mean about being reluctant to take Anti Ds. DOctor has tried to give them to me, but for me that isn't an answer and I would rather help myself. No disrespect meant to anyone who does or has taken them, I'm just not big on taking medication where possible. Have you tried meditating? I can upload you an mp3 of guided meditation if you would be interested? I would also recommend exercise if you don't already. Endorphins are highly underated. Walking, running, dancing around the living room - what ever it takes,and it doesn't haev to cost. If the little one is still in a pram, you can power walk with the pram?

Anyway, i'm in work, better go! Hope this makes sense.

flossy_splodge

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

I will wait for the bank to send me a letter about the account, sorry, but think you should aim to be pro active, NOT wait for them to chase you. It counts for a lot in all sorts of arenas if you can show you took the initiative.that will give me a few days to sort out my finances and see what I can offer them. You can do this anyway if you either take up the suggestion to get the CAB to help or if you contact the bank yourself, (maybe get a friend to accompany you?) and ask for an appointment. You are still allowing yourself some time but are also showing you are making efforts to sort things out sooner rather than later. Probably wont be much, but even £10 a week will see it cleared in 14 weeks, if they don't slap a load of charges on...

Can anyone answer a practical question? Is it possible to pay for something by direct debit on someone elses account?
Yes it is. Just be careful you don't then view this as an informal 'loan' that can be paid back at your convenience. You do have the choice to use a DD OR a Standing order. A Direcr debit is 'pulled' by the person getting the money, a SO is 'pushed' by the payer ie YOU. The advantage of a SO is you can alter it at will. In your case this means your son can choose to cancel it on a month by month basis if you haven't supplied the money to cover it. This should help keep you focussed. :eek:

I need to find a way to pay my house and car insurance and my internet, these seem to be the only bills I need a bank account for.
Once you have these Insurances in place, have you tried phoning the companies in question and saying you are in the middle of changing Bank accounts (they don't need to know your personal information!) and want to pay directly ie Girobank or similar for a while until you know your bank has transferred properly. What they gonna say? No, we don't want your money?

For instance, can I use my sons account? He lives at the same address as me, but we don't have the same surname.
As I say, no problem with this.
Sometimes I pay things for my father as it is just easier and he pays me back, often in cash which I have no problem with. We make sure we keep up to date though!;)

Hope this helps a bit.:o

RAS

Regarding bank accounts for BRs, apart from Barclays there is the Co-op cashminder, if they were not a creditor.

On the other hand if you went BR last yea,r when is your discharge date? Any chance of ED?

Once you are discharged there are a whole host of basic bank accounts that you can access.

Have a look round the house and see if there is anything you no longer use and than thnk about a "car" boot sale, amazon or e-bay and you might be able to pay back half the bank debt in a week or two?

Also do an SOA.

jojo2004

Good luck with this Dreamcatcher - I know how overwhelming and energy-sapping even relatively small debts can be! It sounds as though you are feeling a little more in control of the situation now, and as a lot of people have pointed out, the banks have much worse problems than your £140! I'd imagine they'd be very understanding if you approach them with a plan to pay it back. I know from experience that once they have to chase you, their attitude changes, so I'd second what flossy_splodge (hi mum!) says - go to them before they come to you.

What do you think would be your best next step? It might help to break the process down into manageable chunks, and do each chunk when you feel up to it - rather than thinking you have to plod through something you can't face, do something you can face each day.

I'd also second the volunteering idea - it will help keep your cv in trim for once you feel ready to go back into employment. What skills do you have that you could share?

Loads of hugs, and you'll get there.
xxxxxx:j

dreamcatcher73

RAS wrote: »

Regarding bank accounts for BRs, apart from Barclays there is the Co-op cashminder, if they were not a creditor.

On the other hand if you went BR last yea,r when is your discharge date? Any chance of ED?

Once you are discharged there are a whole host of basic bank accounts that you can access.

Have a look round the house and see if there is anything you no longer use and than thnk about a "car" boot sale, amazon or e-bay and you might be able to pay back half the bank debt in a week or two?

Also do an SOA.

I am with the Co-op at the moment, I understand they are very strict with their rules on going OD on their basic account, hence why I believe they will close it. I can't get an account with Barclays as they were one of my creditors. I have asked for a PO account today for my benefits to be paid into, this should be set up within two weeks, so at least I will have somewhere to keep my money and just take out what I need to when I need to. This will stop me from overspending as there's no debit card for those impromptu purchases..
I went BR in February, don't know about ED, if not it's only 7 months until AD, it's not forever..

I have listed some things on Ebay, so hopefully will be able to pay a chunk back to the bank asap

I feel like such an idiot today, I know there are so many people in much worse positions than me, I shall start looking on the bright side of things and focus myself.

Thanks again to everybody

dreamcatcher73

jojo2004 wrote: »

Good luck with this Dreamcatcher - I know how overwhelming and energy-sapping even relatively small debts can be! It sounds as though you are feeling a little more in control of the situation now, and as a lot of people have pointed out, the banks have much worse problems than your £140! I'd imagine they'd be very understanding if you approach them with a plan to pay it back. I know from experience that once they have to chase you, their attitude changes, so I'd second what flossy_splodge (hi mum!) says - go to them before they come to you.

What do you think would be your best next step? It might help to break the process down into manageable chunks, and do each chunk when you feel up to it - rather than thinking you have to plod through something you can't face, do something you can face each day.

I'd also second the volunteering idea - it will help keep your cv in trim for once you feel ready to go back into employment. What skills do you have that you could share?

Loads of hugs, and you'll get there.
xxxxxx:j

Hi, yes you are right about the bank (and you flossy_splodge) I shall contact them tomorrow and discuss repayment.

I certainly need to do something to focus my mind some more, after 10 months of not being at work I think I am going stir crazy. I don't have any friends, so I am quite isolated during the day when the kids are at school. I try to think of things to do to occupy myself but always just end up sitting in front of the tv or pc. Something to go on my do-to list I think. Volunteering sounds like a good plan, not sure what skills I have though

flossy_splodge

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

Hi, yes you are right about the bank (and you flossy_splodge) I shall contact them tomorrow and discuss repayment.

I certainly need to do something to focus my mind some more, after 10 months of not being at work I think I am going stir crazy. I don't have any friends, so I am quite isolated during the day when the kids are at school. I try to think of things to do to occupy myself but always just end up sitting in front of the tv or pc. Something to go on my do-to list I think. Volunteering sounds like a good plan, not sure what skills I have though

Well one obvious skill is the ability to express yourself clearly and then listen to what others say so how about contacting your local volunteer bureau and ask what they need people for at the moment?
I would have thought being a 'befriender' to an older or housebound person would be ideal. Amazing how one's own problems shrink when you find out what others are coping with!:eek:

What part of the country are you in? Is it particularly isolated?

dreamcatcher73

flossy_splodge wrote: »

Well one obvious skill is the ability to express yourself clearly and then listen to what others say so how about contacting your local volunteer bureau and ask what they need people for at the moment?
I would have thought being a 'befriender' to an older or housebound person would be ideal. Amazing how one's own problems shrink when you find out what others are coping with!:eek:

What part of the country are you in? Is it particularly isolated?

No, not isolated, right in the middle of a busy town. I just don't really have good social skills I suppose,find it hard to talk to people, in the school playground I'm the one standing on her own while the other mums and dads all seem to know each other really well.

bestpud

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

No, not isolated, right in the middle of a busy town. I just don't really have good social skills I suppose,find it hard to talk to people, in the school playground I'm the one standing on her own while the other mums and dads all seem to know each other really well.

I think volunteering would be great for you tbh.

I have to say though, you are far from alone with the playground issue!

Honestly, it is astounding how many parents feel the same - do a search on netmums and you'll see it time and again, and it's cropped up a few times on here too.

I'm starting to think schools need to have playground monitors/befirienders for the parents as well as the children!

zippychick

dreamcatcher73 wrote: »

No, not isolated, right in the middle of a busy town. I just don't really have good social skills I suppose,find it hard to talk to people, in the school playground I'm the one standing on her own while the other mums and dads all seem to know each other really well.

Great news you are going to speak to the bank DC.

Ok, a suggestion, and if it is a silly one please feel free to tell me so!

How would you feel about approaching the parents? Maybe a small group or so? You could have a "reason" to approach them and try to break the ice.

You could ask something about your childs homework, after school activities, school dinners. What age is DD? Might help us to come up with things you could use as an ice breaker?

"Hi, my name's DC. I just wondered if you knew of any swimming classes/play groups/summer schemes etc in the area for the LO? I was thinking about putting DD in for some in a month or so-s time? Or something along those lines? "

Easier said than done I know, but it would be a start?

Have you thought about volunteering in a charity shop ? Soup kitchen? etc