Making life tolerable? Possible or not a chance?

Twoducklings

bundly wrote: »

I think you will regret not splitting from him now. You will end up doing so in the end, and by then you will have wasted so much life.

It's not just about you.

Don't you ever think about the damage that is being done to the children, having a father like this? You might be able to just about survive through it, but the situation could be setting them up for psychological problems in the future.

You can do it. Our society now protects women like you and none has to stay with an abusive man.

Its irrelevant what he thinks he can afford. You will get the family home and he will have to live in a bedsit.

Bundly I don't believe I am actually asking a complete strange (offense not intended), how I go about this? What do I do for a start? It was different the first time I left. I had a job so I had money coming in. And as for this time it's all mentioned above. I will have to go as before he had threatened to stop paying the mortgage which would mean our home would be reposessed and we end up homeless anyway. The children are most important to me and I wish I could wave a magic wand whereby they wouldn't have to go through all this. He doesn't mistreat them at all and I know deep down he does love them but I don't know why he acts the way he does. For all I know it's probably my fault

lynzpower

I amso glad you are seeing that a better life for you and the children is withn your reach.

Quite simply, you shall stay in the family home, and he as the father shall support through thelegal channels that are there. ( eg Child support, solicitors, arbitration etc)

There is stacks of support on this site on how you can get it. Its late now, but wanted to say Im thinking of you.

xx

buxtonrabbitgreen

Yes but Lynzpower how do you physically get him out if he doesn't want to go? Also who is going to pay the mortgage if he does. The op clearly can't.

lynzpower

I honetly dont know, but Womens Aid might be al=ble to offer advice.

I wonder whether hes pushing you to finish it OP, he cant bring himsel to do it hiomeself. If you are as unhappy as it sounds then maybe he woud like to start again

Twoducklings

Lynzpower he may be doing that so when he breaks the news about things it would look like I caused it all and everyone can feel sorry for him. I sort of think I am going mad. Yesterday we had two bottles of coke and they have vanished. He gets a bit funny if I have too much coke a cola and this time he thought he would take it or hide it so I can't find it. This is crazy now. The other day he bought sandwich meat from Tesco. I opened one the next day to make a sandwich. He got home asked about dinner so I said I didn't cook dinner because he was staying away with work but the night before he didn't touch it? So I guess in revenge he ate two packets by himself. I didn't know this until my daughter wanted this meat on her sandwich for lunch. I could have cried then because how do I say sorry dear dad ate it all up! I don't mean to be whining and whinging on here all the time - sorry about that. I am dreading this weekend so much. Hope all of you have a nice one though.

Pee

Twoducklings, i was thinking about you last night and I was thinking that if you'd left and run up a bit of debt doing that and I was your OH, i wouldn't want to pay it back... but now you've said it was because he had an affair. If I had an affair and my boyfriend moved out and I was ever lucky enough for him to move back in, then of course I would think that was a debt worth paying...

Please, go and see a solicitor and see what the options are for you. You can either have a half hour free or I am sure you could get Legal Aid as he gives you no money.

lynzpower

Twoducklings wrote: »

Lynzpower he may be doing that so when he breaks the news about things it would look like I caused it all and everyone can feel sorry for him. I sort of think I am going mad. Yesterday we had two bottles of coke and they have vanished. He gets a bit funny if I have too much coke a cola and this time he thought he would take it or hide it so I can't find it. This is crazy now. The other day he bought sandwich meat from Tesco. I opened one the next day to make a sandwich. He got home asked about dinner so I said I didn't cook dinner because he was staying away with work but the night before he didn't touch it? So I guess in revenge he ate two packets by himself. I didn't know this until my daughter wanted this meat on her sandwich for lunch. I could have cried then because how do I say sorry dear dad ate it all up! I don't mean to be whining and whinging on here all the time - sorry about that. I am dreading this weekend so much. Hope all of you have a nice one though.

this has all the hallmarks of gaslighting again. the coke, the sandwich meat, the dinner, the possibility he can turn thissituation to you looking bad and him being the poor old victim.

I wonder whther you could get some anonymous phone suppor from womens aid..?

my_two_boys

Hi Twoducklings,
Just wanted to send hugs and to let you know that I sent you a private message.

Faye x

Ellie67

Hi Twoducklings, my heart goes out to you. Please try and get to see a Solicitor. At least then you will know what your options are. I thought no-one would believe me as to how bad things were for me, but people notice things that we don't. You may not be as alone as you think and you may have support from others. My ex couldn't afford to pay for 2 houses but when push came to shove, he had to. Also, he actually became a better father after our split. He realised he had squandered his time with them and when faced with seeing them only one day a week was not too long in finding fun things to do and making the most of the time he had with them. Ask yourself this " Can my life get any worse, the way it is now?"

Twoducklings

Some things to think about Ellie67 for sure. I try to post an update everyday and yesterday I mentioned that my husband would be home to do the bedtime routine, he didn't come home to bath them but instead came in later than normal and I heard him tell my daughter this was to do with traffic. Today was not great I have been so angry for allowing this to happen. When he got home he dropped his things and went to lay on the sofa - no problem if he has been stuck in traffic. I went to have a bath and a few mins later my son started crying I don't know why. He took him to his cot and left him in it while I was in the bath. So I shouted please will you get him he's upset and something is the matter... about 10 mins later I was drying off and I was fuming as he came into use the loo. I don't know what came over me but I blurted out what the f**** is your problem? He didn't answer so I said wait until you go away with work-and it's not what you are thinking of? While in the bath I was racing in my head and trying to figure out what to do... and I thought it would be great to pack our bags and leave while he was away. I thought about that which is why I said what I did. I am now regretting it though as I have no means to pack and leave which has already been said. 5 mins after that he brushed his teeth and went to bed... I find it odd he isn't spending time with his laptop (they have a personal relationship). I want to close my eyes and for it to be Monday instead of having a weekend : (.