Domestic violence-its not just physical

melorablack

its_all_my_fault/abuse wrote: »

yOU DONT UNDERSTAND THOUGH.yOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.


He is my husband.

I am scared I will not have any priority for housing and will end up in city hell.

I moved from a rural area 5 years ago/I won't say i gave it all up for him because who believes that.

I am very good at my job,but female and in an area where males dominates in the workplace.the pay is crap.

You posted for advice, when people gave you advice you turn around and say they don't understand - so why do you want their advice?

I think you will find that an awful lot of people actually do understand what you are going through because they, or close family members/friends have gone through it.

You are not the only one.

If you truely want help you need to let the people who can/want to help do so.

aligerdie

how are you getting on today OP?

girly1

Sounds like awful emotional abuse, you should get out whilst you can, it could turn into physical abuse with someone like that, he's clearly unbalanced!

Cassie**

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I know you don't want to hear this but there really are worse things than managing on your own on a very low wage. Like staying in this relationship, for instance. You've already acknowledged that the effect of the long, constant drip, drip, drip of having to endure your husband's behaviour and his problems has had on you. While you are feeling this way you are unlikely to be able to see and think straight and look at the issues dispassionately. I would strongly recommend that you contact your nearest women's refuge and have chat with them. There is a possibility of having a happy, fulfilled life but I really do think you need someone to help you see the way.

Thanks,already in touch with a local agency,speak with them every week.

Cassie**

RAS wrote: »

Welcome. MSE meets a lot of people dealing with or recovering from domestic violence and you will find the stickie on economic violence at the top of the page.

You are NOT going to sort this in one go, but you can sort it.

The starting points are:

1. Talk to a domestic violence charity. They can help you with local practicalities and maybe help develop exit strategies.

2. You do not have to up sticks tomorrow. You need an emergency, realistic and optimal escape strategy.

Tomorrow open a basic bank account with £1 and keep all records at work. No paper records posted to your home. Or a building society account.

Snaffle small amounts of money and pay it in (even if it is bogoffs on dog biscuits).

Get together your essential paperwork and either photocopy it or move it to a safe location.

Make a list of all financial records that you share (joint accounts) and get that saved in safe place away from home. If you leave suddenly, you need to stop further expenditure on all these accounts.

Talk to your doctor.

Wherever you come from, contact some of your old friends and colleagues. You do not need to tell them what is going off but you might get wind of a job, find some support, identify someone wo needs a house-sitter, I just do not know until it happens.

So make very careful alternative plans, put out feelers and get help.

It may take a little time but you could have alternative work, a deposit and the chance to start agin by this time next year.

In the mean-time, we can support you.

Thanks-i will try to work through this.
My doctor knows the situation,i have had health problems for a while,after a long time they asked me,or i told them what was happening,and I realise the problem was not physical but caused by the stress.

But often,my energy is so low,and my mind so fuzzy,its hard but I now try to do one thing at a time (I am working through my own list too).

Cassie**

diable wrote: »

how old is your partner?

48........................................

Cassie**

Older_but_not_wiser wrote: »

Alarm bells are ringing for a troll alert here.

I don't know anyone with the power to arrest people who are paid £6.50 an hour, and I've been in the criminal justice system for 16 years.

IF this is not a troll, then my advice is to tell your hubby to leave, if he loves the dog more than he cares for you then it's time to get rid.

If you re-read my first post i put things in there that were not trivial.
Sometimes,often I read posts that I think are trolling,but I give the person the benefit of the doubt.Without putting too fine a point on it,when you are being treated disrespectfully,when you don't feel people will believe you,the last thing you need is more of the same and to feel you are being called a liar.It can be the last straw.While their might be lots of posts to call someone a troll,I don't think that was appropriate,fair or kind.

Yes,before this happened to me,I would give the same advice,because I couldn't have understood the situation that would keep a person there.

Cassie**

melorablack wrote: »

You posted for advice, when people gave you advice you turn around and say they don't understand - so why do you want their advice?

I think you will find that an awful lot of people actually do understand what you are going through because they, or close family members/friends have gone through it.

You are not the only one.

If you truely want help you need to let the people who can/want to help do so.

I wasn't aiming my comments at anyone really,I was thinking aloud that I didn't understand myself.

Cassie**

Thanks to everyone who was understanding. x I don't think I am maybe quite strong enough for this right now.

Blackpool_Saver

Cassie** wrote: »

Thank you. xI have spoken to Womens Aid on the phone a lot around christmas last year,it took a few setbacks but i got put in touch with the right people in the end.

They are not faultless and are a charity, I volunteered with them for a while after they helped me.