Domestic violence-its not just physical

its_all_my_faultabuse

I have got the feeling that it's hard to explain bullying and mental abuse-but its devastating none the less.
How do you explain.
i broke down in work today.My Manageress saw it.She asked me what was wrong.Should I say? I feel like a loser then.She thinks maybe I am ill.I am on a temporary contract-i think they will take me on full time.but maybe not a loser like me.

He has: anxiety,compulsion,gambling,anger,short fuse-successful man. Obsessed with his dog-tthinks it is human-told me it was the most important thing to him in the world-when challenged said he had sid it was one of the most important things in the world. I said to him "you don't just love your dog-you are "in love with him" he said "yes" to my shock. He is on anti- depressants for anxiety-keeps running out then going through withdrawl-and anger.Never sees the recurring pattern of this. He is seeing a psychiatrist and had cbt-which helped with panic attacks.I am so alone.Last night I thought about ending it all because that seems the better solution to living in poverty-i have lost nearly everythingi used to have my own house,please move if necessary.Even my good friend who I have helped through thick and thin can't be bothered to make me a priority in 2 days-even though i tend not to show peeople i need help.For the first time-next time he needs support he can go whistle.Idon't like to trouble people-i make out it is not important

Edit-just rang me-within 1 minute asking how the dog is-but not me.
Call me cassie

prowla

Being in a bad situation does not mean that there is something wrong with you.
You are not a loser.
Whatever else goes on, just remind yourself that and gain strength from it.

gill_81uk

I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through, but it is not your fault in any way, shape or form!!

I am not in a position to advise on what you are going through, I'm sure someone will be along soon who can, but I can advise from the point of view of a manager.

I would personally say that I don't think your manager is the best person to talk to, particularly if you are hoping to be taken on permanently. The reason I say this is NOT because the manager will see you as a loser, but that they may worry that your personal problems interfere with work.

I think you should definitely talk to someone about it though, do you have any close friends you could turn to for help? I am certain that there will be support groups who can help but again I really wouldn't know what to advise.

*big hugs* I hope things turn out well for you

aligerdie

You are not a loser, please don't ever think that you are.

I don't know how to help you, but I just wanted to tell you to keep posting, there's always people on here that will listen to you.

Take care x

its_all_my_faultabuse

Crying now-my boss is really great.They are really impressed with my work.Bizarrely,my job is extremely confrontational-i am very confident and assertive there-I arrest people for a living.I feel like a fraud-how can I be so strong yet so pathetic.I have more than proved myself at work but I am a human too in great pain

Ada_Doom

Hi Cassie

Whatever else, the behaviour of your boyfriend is most definatley not your fault. He is the way he is becuase of his own issues. You have to decide wether you want to stay with someone who makes you feel this way. If you are staying with him as you are worried that you would be skint if you were on your own you need to think whether the stress that being with this person is worth the material comforts. Have you looked into what beifits you would get if you were on your own, housing and council tax benifit for a start.

Talking to people you trust about what you are going through is a really good idea, I find that just by saying out loud what is happening can give you some perspective on the situation.

Sorry can not be more help, try not to blame yourself though you are not to blame

ADA

its_all_my_faultabuse

yOU DONT UNDERSTAND THOUGH.yOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS.


He is my husband.

I am scared I will not have any priority for housing and will end up in city hell.

I moved from a rural area 5 years ago/I won't say i gave it all up for him because who believes that.

I am very good at my job,but female and in an area where males dominates in the workplace.the pay is crap.

chunkymunks

I can't do anything to help although i so wish I could. My friends husband is very sneaky in his abuse of my friend, no real violence but prods and pinches, explosive verbal anger, put downs, and that very nasty form of chipping away of a persons self esteem - little put down in front of others, said with a smirk or more obvious ones in private just to make her feel his anger and frustration were her fault. Your husbands emotions are neither your fault nor your responsibility .Is ther any way you can rent a room in a decent area to find your feet or are you too frightened of what your husband may do?

its_all_my_faultabuse

It is easy to say to me it is not my fault-but i have been told this and bullied for so long-i have no belief in myself-it runs so deep.

gizmo111

Your company may have a DV policy for employees, which could provide discreeet support and advice on housing etc. The LA I work for have one and they also have a code for staff ringing in sick who have been hurt but are unable to say direct to the manager when ringing in why they are unable to attend work that day.
Your manager will not think for one minute you are a loser and may be able to help and support you.

its_all_my_faultabuse

I am 49,in a profession that is male dominated and which has become devalued.
I have massive experience,but on paper my age counts-in real life it doesn't.I talked my way into this job then showed them my skills.yet at 6.50 per hour for taking risks-i am a loser with no future but poverty.