No children at wedding

melorablack

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

Your day? What about your OH? Even if you don't want to share it with anyone else, you'd think you would at least see it as a day for the both of you and not just yourself!

Maybe I should have said "our day" then and he agrees with my view on this anyway

memelalou

I can see both side, but i would reccommend anyone having a child free wedding to make a little leeway for guests who need to bring their babies to breastfeed, just make sure they know to leave the cermony/speeches if the baby starts crying, thats just my view though.

At my wedding i did have children there and to be honest it didn't matter. I wouldn't have noticed if they started doing a naked macarina! It really was the happiest day of my life and the only people on that day what mattered to me was me and my husband, but saying that it is a overated day and when it's all finished i was a little disapointed as i thought they be a big change. The important part is being married and it's not all hearts and flowers, it can be bloody hard work at times. Even though you will always remember your wedding day it is a shame some people {not pointing fingers at anyone before an uproar occurs} don't put as much work in their marriage than they do planning the wedding day.

Honestly compared to the trouble some adult guests can be, children playing up was the very least of my worries.

I can understand the poster who doesn't want children at her wedding because it would be a reminder of their fertility problems. I have pcos and before i got pregnant recently, i tried for this baby for almost four years and i went from cooing at every baby to scowling and avoiding every expectant mother and baby, and it did make me mad seeing people who didn't see their children as the little mircles they really are.

lindaatno9

I was wondering about alcohol and children don't mix, or rather, the parents getting hammered while in charge of their children!
I lived with a man who's life was centered around booze. It's all I remember. I agree with the poster who said it wasn't so much the children causing a riot and spoil the day, it's the parents who seem to be allowing it.

dizziblonde

IWantToBeFree wrote: »

Your day? What about your OH? Even if you don't want to share it with anyone else, you'd think you would at least see it as a day for the both of you and not just yourself!

In my case - oh feels exactly the same way about wanting to specify no children. If people want to come - then they're invited, that's what an invitation is for; if they want to take the hump and chuck a strop demanding I cater to their whims - they're not the sort of person I want to know (I anticipate one will do this, it's a relative I couldn't particularly give a stuff if is there or not to be honest after what they've put us through over the years), and if they just choose to say "no, I can't find childcare, have a nice day though" - that's their choice as well.

The first and final category I've got all the time in the world for - but anyone who thinks they're going to be able to get hysterical, scream, yell, and dictate what I do and don't get to do on mine and OH's wedding day (apart from my mother :mad: ) is having a flipping laugh.

There are two things I hate though - the "oh you'll change your mind when you have kids" - it's actually pretty hurtful to me, and as I described before - the main reason I don't want kids at my wedding (apart from that I spend all day with them at work and would sometimes like a break - especially since many of our relatives tend to resort to the "X is a teacher - let's fob them off onto her" mentality) is because it's looking more and more like we CAN'T have children... so the "you'll change your mind in 5 years" thing is working on an assumption that is probably incorrect in our case (if you get what I mean).

I also have always believed that you have children = you take on responsibility for that small person. You don't have the right to go making demands that everyone does exactly what YOU want because you've now got that... the world did not give birth to your child, you (or your missus) did. You've got the right to expect society to back you, yes - but not change every single one of their plans to accommodate your life choices. The relative I'm anticipating a strop from is likely to do this in a massive massive way (but thinks the world owes her a living anyway). I'm sorry, but no parent has the right to railroad a couple into changing their wedding plans (some people want the adult, sophisticated wedding - that's their choice and I think you need to accept that) to accommodate your childcare requirements. For those who love a wedding with small children running around - fine, great, have that; but some couples make the choice that they want an adult social occasion and I think it's pretty shocking that others feel they have the right to overrule that.

I also think some of the emotional blackmail that goes on toward couples getting married is dreadful (and yes, I speak as someone who has now discovered a force more terrifying than bridezilla... the steamroller of force and purse strings that is Bridezilla II - Mummyzilla who didn't have the wedding of her dreams so is going to foist it on her daughter). The whole "we won't come if you don't do X, Y and Z", the whole "your great great great grandmother's deceased cat Tibbles would have wanted you to wear a pink frilly tu-tu and dance the can-can so you have to", the whole "I'm not coming if she's coming" (much beloved of my family this one) is absolutely ridiculous.

My invites will be going out (assuming I can ever get my mother to provide idiot-proof directions around Sunderland's one-way system to the registry office) with a note that "we are unable to cater for children" or whatever on. If people want to come - free nosh up, we're getting married in our families' home area rather than our own to minimize their travel costs (at our own detriment), no gift lists (up to you - I genuinely couldn't care less about presents) - then fine... if they can't come for whatever reason then I'll save them some cake (and eat it when I get the late night munchies).

There you go - shred me now mummies.

Neeny82

I don't think anyone is saying you are wrong to not want children at your day at all. It's just a personal choice and can depend on a whole range of factors who you have at your wedding. We have had a big family fall out because we decided that we did not want to invite about 10 cousins plus their OH's to our day do as we don't know them and would not want to sacrifice some very good friends who we see daily, for the sake of "family". This has got some people's backs up and as a result OH's grandma is refusing to attend. That is her choice. I for one will not back down to her demands and nither will OH. We have said that she either accepts it and comes or she stays away and she has decided to stay away. Then a couple of aunts and uncles have jumped on her bandwagon and are also not coming! - Great means we are saving a few hundred quid! And I can say for certain that on the day I wont be wishing I was somewhere else but perhaps a couple of people will wish they hadn't been so stubburn!

I am lucky that my mum and dad (who are helping us out) have not once said that we should do or have to do something or invite someone - but I still take their feelings into account because they are the ones helping us to have this amazing day.

Basically what I'm saying is that no matter what you do - SOMETHING will get someones back up and they will find fault with it. Don't Take it personally, be nice but firm and do what the hell you want.

talulahbeige_2

dizziblonde wrote: »

In my case - oh feels exactly the same way about wanting to specify no children. If people want to come - then they're invited, that's what an invitation is for; if they want to take the hump and chuck a strop demanding I cater to their whims - they're not the sort of person I want to know (I anticipate one will do this, it's a relative I couldn't particularly give a stuff if is there or not to be honest after what they've put us through over the years), and if they just choose to say "no, I can't find childcare, have a nice day though" - that's their choice as well.

The first and final category I've got all the time in the world for - but anyone who thinks they're going to be able to get hysterical, scream, yell, and dictate what I do and don't get to do on mine and OH's wedding day (apart from my mother :mad: ) is having a flipping laugh.

There are two things I hate though - the "oh you'll change your mind when you have kids" - it's actually pretty hurtful to me, and as I described before - the main reason I don't want kids at my wedding (apart from that I spend all day with them at work and would sometimes like a break - especially since many of our relatives tend to resort to the "X is a teacher - let's fob them off onto her" mentality) is because it's looking more and more like we CAN'T have children... so the "you'll change your mind in 5 years" thing is working on an assumption that is probably incorrect in our case (if you get what I mean).

I also have always believed that you have children = you take on responsibility for that small person. You don't have the right to go making demands that everyone does exactly what YOU want because you've now got that... the world did not give birth to your child, you (or your missus) did. You've got the right to expect society to back you, yes - but not change every single one of their plans to accommodate your life choices. The relative I'm anticipating a strop from is likely to do this in a massive massive way (but thinks the world owes her a living anyway). I'm sorry, but no parent has the right to railroad a couple into changing their wedding plans (some people want the adult, sophisticated wedding - that's their choice and I think you need to accept that) to accommodate your childcare requirements. For those who love a wedding with small children running around - fine, great, have that; but some couples make the choice that they want an adult social occasion and I think it's pretty shocking that others feel they have the right to overrule that.

My invites will be going out with a note that "we are unable to cater for children" or whatever on. If people want to come - free nosh up, no gift lists (up to you - I genuinely couldn't care less about presents) - then fine... if they can't come for whatever reason then I'll save them some cake (and eat it when I get the late night munchies).

There you go - shred me now mummies.

Here here dizziblonde, well said

Neeny82

Also dizziblonde - in the nicest possible way I think you have a quiet word to your mum about backing off a little! Mummyzilla is not what you are needing when planning a wedding. Can you not give her a little wedding related project so she leaves you alone for a while! I hope this doesn't sound offensive its just that one of my friends mums completely took over her day and she wishes she'd have done things a lot differently!

melancholly

Neeny82 wrote: »

Basically what I'm saying is that no matter what you do - SOMETHING will get someones back up and they will find fault with it. Don't Take it personally, be nice but firm and do what the hell you want.

now that is definitely true!! such a shame, but so true!

monkeys_bunny

just to get my pennys worth in. i think its up to the bride and groom. i personally hate children and have not found anyone that can tell me why they are a good idea in general let alone at my wedding. everyone who knows me knows that children will not be welcome but i have also told them as well and cos they know me they all said "well thats what we expected" ha ha .

i can see why some people would be upset but i do think its the Bride and Grooms day and what they want should be the way it is, true friends would understand this

but thats just my opinion of course

rinroo

monkeys_bunny wrote: »

just to get my pennys worth in. i think its up to the bride and groom. i personally hate children and have not found anyone that can tell me why they are a good idea in general let alone at my wedding. everyone

Good Job your mum didnt have the same attitude or else you wouldn't be here!!

Dizzieblone - I have read everyone or your posts, and tbh I'd either not get married or run off and elope and put up with maternal war afterwards than to have to put up with what you have said.