No children at wedding

flea72

maggie111 wrote: »

My tuppence regarding children at a wedding is I can understand why some people don't want it - I think people who have been told they can't bring their kids shouldn't kick up a fuss, if they cared that much they should just decline the invite. And therefore the couple who don't want children shouldn't in turn be annoyed that some people they want there don't come.

Having said that I will invite kids to my wedding, but then I don't have to invite 24 like someone said at the beginning!!

but thats the thing, they expect you to leave your kids at home, but then get the hump, if you wont come because you cant bring the kids. You get the 'if youre my friend you would be there on my special day', and then the other person is like 'well if youre my friend, you should have invited us all'

for me, family/friends were front of my mind, before i decided on budget and venue - i knew who i wanted there, and worked my plans around that - its less stressful knowing your list has no limitations, rather than trying to whittle down your list of favourites, and offending people in the process

Flea

dizziblonde

I'm not getting into the "if they were your friend they'd not put you in the position of having to get a babysitter" thing - I don't want children at my wedding, I explained my personal reasons - if I end up with children and babies there I'm likely to spend most of the one day in my life that's actually for me in the toilets sobbing my eyes out and wanting to run out of the room screaming.

If they get a babysitter and want to come fine - I don't want one person's baby there in particular so I'm having to do a blanket ban (family obligations mean this person MUST be invited) - if they don't want to come... I couldn't actually care less because I do everything everyone expects of me, always get pushed around into feeding other people's agendas and for one small day (well half-day) I don't want the fact we're failing to concieve rubbed in my nose with the constant reminder of this that kids (particularly the one my dear cousin concieved just to avoid having to go out and get a job) there for my one day.

If it's unreasonable - to be honest, tough.

PolishBigSpender

Polish wedding reception usually stretches long into the night, or even early morning. Vodka is usually essential and unlimited. It really is no environment for children and I really wonder why parents insist on taking the kids with them. I don't want kids on my wedding and I wouldn't force my own on anyone, unless specifically invited.

Shiny.Side.Up

I have no real preference on the no-children affair, although I'm sure I'll find one when my time to teeter down the aisle comes.

However, I was appalled when sister-in-law to be announced to us that she didn't want children at her wedding in Sept. When questionned about her own children's (who will be 2 and a 3/4 and 17 months respectively) attendance, she seemed totally gobsmacked that we even suggested that her own children should be present for any part of her wedding celebrations.
Much to my mother and I's relief (and the brother who is marrying her!) we've now convinced her that perhaps involving her own children in one of the most important days in her life might actually be a good idea...

trina2010

dizziblonde wrote: »

Heck - even my graduation day was all about pleasing my dying grandmother - I've never ever had a day just for me.

I have absolutely no problem with anything you said apart from this. My gran didnt live to see my graduation, on A level results day, when I got my place at uni instead of going out drinking like everyone else I sat in with my granny and watched TV. She died a week later and I dont regret it for a second!
Like I say I have no problem with the rest of what you said but this horrified me, i wish you would reconsider saying it!


Anyway, back to topic, We have worked out there should be only a small handful of kids around at our wedding (including those who might start a family between now and then) and a majority will be on the older side (approx 8-13) so we will probably invite them as some will be coming long distances (if they come 2 will be coming from America).
I do think the choice is totally personal, but I think a blanket statement is the fairest way to do it.

My experience on this (and yes I remember it clearly) was when I was about 5-6 my aunt got married and I was the only one of my cousins not to get invited (I was the youngest by less than a year) so I got sent off to the babysitter. So after that I get to look at all the photos of the wedding, with all my cousins having such fun, and all the family there and even at that age it broke my heart. (and just to clarify I was not out of control, almost always well behaved and my mum doesnt drink)
However had my cousins not all been there it would have been a totally different thing because it was only for 'mummys and daddies' and not everyone but me!

So while we have not made a firm decision on whether to have kids or not (will decide closer to the time when we see how many more kids there are around) I will be making the decision very carefully. O and for reasons other than the story above the aforementioned aunt will not be invited to my wedding (thats another story all to itself)

dizziblonde

trina2010 wrote: »

I have absolutely no problem with anything you said apart from this. My gran didnt live to see my graduation, on A level results day, when I got my place at uni instead of going out drinking like everyone else I sat in with my granny and watched TV. She died a week later and I dont regret it for a second!
Like I say I have no problem with the rest of what you said but this horrified me, i wish you would reconsider saying it!

The whole of my graduation day was about giving my grandmother a day out to remember, about what she wanted, about her getting to walk around the halls of academia because she'd never got that chance and always resented it and we knew by then she was terminally ill and liable to go downhill fast - me walking across the stage was just incidental and didn't matter at all so, yes the whole day was about her. Considering how hard a woman she was to like (she turned three of her children completely against her) and how little she actually like me (she admitted this on several occasions) - it wasn't a day for me at all. So yep, I stand by what I said.
At the moment incidentally it appears my entire wedding day is now just about my mother and what my mother wants so looks like that's going down the pan as well... maybe I'll get a funeral without someone else calling the shots and me doing everything that's "expected".

skylight

Dizzi, have you thought about you, OH and a few special friends/rellies just booking the next available date at the registry office and turning up?

Tell everyone else afterwards, they cannot get involved then.

dizziblonde

Hah not worth the maternal ructions! Can't fight my mother it's like a steamroller with peroxide hair. Plus his family are lovely - just his father's not in the country much so we're limited when we can do the deed so to speak.

I'd love to not invite anyone from my side at all given half the chance - I'm the complete anti-bridezilla... unfortunately there's something far more fearsome... mummybridezilla. Seriously now she wants an irish dance troupe there...

melancholly

flea72 wrote: »

but thats the thing, they expect you to leave your kids at home, but then get the hump, if you wont come because you cant bring the kids.

seems really unfair to suggest all people are like that..... as unfair as suggesting all children will wreck a wedding (which no-one has done, it's all about the highly vocal minority - and anyway on the whole the fault likes with the bad parents and not the kids themselves!)

RoxieW

Another little titbit - when my friend got married they were joined for their romantic first dance by a gaggle of kids bursting the balloons around them lol