No children at wedding

Dunners

It really is each their own I think - me and OH are having our two young nieces as flower girls but luckily, there really aren't that many other small children in the family to wreak too much havoc, just a friend's baby who'll be one by then.

My problem isn't the kids, but having to pay to feed the adults you don't like but feel oligated to invite, still, guess that's for another thread!

talulahbeige_2

OrkneyStar wrote: »

How can 24 odd kids cost you £1200 ? Thats £50 each :eek: (not the £500 I had written in error last time lol!)

Surely the caterers could do half portions for kids, at say £10 per head.....being only £240.
Also if there are 20 odd of them they can play together, and dance too. It's lovely watching them on the dancefloor....who cares if they tread on someones toes, I bet you did many times as a child and noone complained.
Anyway, I realise it is your day, just trying to give a counter side of things and make sure you don't end up wishing you had invited them.

Thats what the hotel are charging (minus drinks) We didnt ask about childrens menu as its been adults only from day one.

At our venue there isnt anywhere for them to play together except on the dance floor, the main doors lead onto the carpark and the doors onto the patio then lead onto a lake so it isnt very H&S for kids.

I meant I didnt want to stand on some childs foot with my high heels, they could stand on my foot all they like after all my feet will be numb from wearing said high heels!

I see where your coming from and thats fine, i understand everyone has a point of view, the breast feeding comment earlier also made me think about it from the other side too but i still wouldnt change my mind.

There is only one i would regret not being there (my 2 year old niece, the only close blood family child) but when I discussed it with my brother i said that they could bring her but there wouldnt be any other children there. They have chosen to leave her with her other grandparents so thats their choice.

dizziblonde

I'm going to get flamed to a crisp for this.

I'm TTC, have been for a long time and now I'm hitting the point where things are incredibly raw, painful and I can't deal with being around children or babies right now - for me, it feels like pouring vinegar into an open cut, only the cut is in my heart and I literally want to squirm and run away from the reminder of what is going wrong in our lives.

I found out the other day that my cousin, when faced with being forced to get work or lose her benefits, decided quite openly that she'd have a baby to milk the system a little more (there is more on this on the TTC 12 month thread - this is a girl with a history of lies, half-hearted suicide attempts, false rape allegations - anything for attention and to avoid having to get a job)... and that the baby will be around for our wedding. I'm angry, I'm beyond angry, I'm bitter, I feel terribly for the bairn cos its "mother" won't do anything - will farm it off onto her partner who does all the housework, cooking everything (despite barely being able to walk) - and, while I HAVE to invite my cousin to the wedding - I would find her being there playing the "I'm a mother, it's so hard, I'm entitled to all of this look at how fabulous I am" etc etc etc - incredibly hard to bare and I'm quite likely to spend most of MY wedding day in the toilets sat on the bog crying my eyes out to be honest.

Because of that - because it causes me such extreme pain at the moment - I'm printing my wedding invitations with the info sheet stating "no children"... and to be honest, if I offend anyone - I couldn't care less for once. I've spent my entire life doing what was expected, being the good girl, giving up what I wanted to do for fear of hurting other people's feelings and disappointing them - they're all disappointed in me anyway so why did I bother? If she shows up with the baby - she's going to be asked to leave. It means I've got to risk leaving out some lovely children I'd gladly have around - but I just want one day in my life where I think of myself and my oh first, instead of constantly tip-toeing around trying to be the one who pleases everyone. Things are so raw and painful right now I'd either punch her, or just end up sobbing all day - why should I have to feel like that on my one day? Heck - even my graduation day was all about pleasing my dying grandmother - I've never ever had a day just for me.

I'd love to have kids like my friend's little boy there - he's a wonderful, beautifully behaved young man - one of our other Brownie leaders had the entire pack at her wedding (and has some beautiful photographs of herself with the girls) - but because of this situation with Madam !!!!!!!!!!, and the pain it will cause me - I'm going to have to say no.

There you go - flame away about how I'm an evil child-hating witch - also feel free to use the fact I'm a teacher as added amunition for it.

Yellowbug

personally we will have about 10 (8 under 6) kids at our wedding (and about 60 adults) all day, then more in the evening
I want them there, they are all close to us and I cant imagine them not being there...plus some of them are so excited about the whole thing I couldnt tell them that they cant come lol

but its a personal choice and i think if you have decided no kids then people should respect that (but equally you should be understanding if people cant come because of getting baby sitters etc)


we are having a kids room at our wedding, filled with toys and games, and a tv with some movies and stuff....this way when they are bored with adult stuff they can dissapear in there lol
im looking forward to them all joining in ....and seeing them all dressed up

Dunners

dizziblonde - it's your big day and possibly the only big occasion in life where you set the rules for what you want, and sod everyone else.

don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks - most of the people there you won't have to see again for months after the event so don't worry - just concentrate on you and your OH x

roxalana

I think there are many reasons people might not wish to have children at their wedding and an equal number of reasons why people do like having children at weddings.

Equally, for some people, leaving their children behind can cause people practical difficulties (breastfeeding, childcare etc) and for other people not bringing them isn't a problem.

I think the best way forward is a balance in terms of considering what the bride and groom want and the practicalities for the couple, the parent(s) and the child.

We will be having some children at our wedding, but we are in a position when not many of our guests have children, so numbers are less of an issue. Our venue allows kids so that isn't a problem either. However, I will be making clear to parents that although their kids are welcome they may want to consider whether they wish to bring them given the things happening on the day. Some of the invited children will be bored senseless despite the tailored activity packs I put together and I am guessing that their parents will consider this in their decision. Other kids will have a ball. The only place I am in a difficult position with is with friends of ours with a toddler. For the ceremony we are limited with numbers (as an 18 month old counts as a person for health and safety reasons even though he won't need a seat) so there may not be room for him and in the evening although he is allowed, I don't think the venue is safe enough for him to be allowed to toddle round which will place a burden on his parents at the do.

I will be speaking to all people with children when I hand over the invitation as I think it is easy to offend people. I think this is possibly the most important point.

I think it is valid to not want little Johnny at your wedding because he consistantly badly behaved, will make a fuss during the vows, throw the buffet on the floor and you know his parents will get roaring drunk and not supervise him. However, the reason you give for not inviting him will undoubtably need to be different (and consistant - don't deviate from the answer you give to the parents when talking to other guests who know what a pain he is - it will get back to the parents!).

rinroo

jaydeeuk1 wrote: »

When my wife and I got married, its about our day. If the inconvenience of having to arrange a baby sitter got in the way of sharing our day, then sod 'um. We didn't want screaming kids there. Plus as shes a teacher, she's glad to get away from the little sh*ts

What a horrid thing to put especially given your wife's chosen career!

Anyway, There will be 16 children at my wedding ceremony/wedding breakfast to 47 adults. 2 of my own, 12 niece and nephews and my best friends 2 children. I love them all dearly and couldn't imagine my day without them.

However, if each of my evening guests brought their children there would be an extra 33 children so a total of 49 children - too many so after speaking to the evening guests who have children they are all more than ok with finding a sitter and all but 1 couple are happy to have an 'adult' night out.

I do think it is up to the individuals. The only time I have been offended when my children were not invited to a wedding, was at my aunts wedding a few years ago when she picked and chose which children we/were not able to attend needless to say I didn't go. I did go to a completely adults only wedding last year and it was nice, lovely to get out and have some quality time with h2b but the atmosphere wasn't quite the same.

talulahbeige_2

Yellowbug wrote: »

but its a personal choice and i think if you have decided no kids then people should respect that (but equally you should be understanding if people cant come because of getting baby sitters etc)

we are having a kids room at our wedding, filled with toys and games, and a tv with some movies and stuff....this way when they are bored with adult stuff they can dissapear in there lol
im looking forward to them all joining in ....and seeing them all dressed up

That is a fantastic idea Yellowbug and if we'd had this thread 6mths ago I would have considered it.

I will be more than understanding if someone can't come due to the kids, after all its their choice too

Yellowbug

talulahbeige wrote: »

That is a fantastic idea Yellowbug and if we'd had this thread 6mths ago I would have considered it.

I will be more than understanding if someone can't come due to the kids, after all its their choice too

glad you like the idea
all the parents seem to think its a great idea, and we made sure when visiting venues that there would be somewhere suitable to do it (ie room that doesnt have a door out to the pool etc lol)

as i said its up to the couple and Im sure you will find most people will be understanding to your wishes...and will enjoy a night to themselves lol

I have been talking to a few evening guest who have said even tho the kids are welcome to come they wont be bringing them as they want a bit of adult time

*Louise*

dizziblonde wrote: »

There you go - flame away about how I'm an evil child-hating witch - also feel free to use the fact I'm a teacher as added amunition for it.

Actually......I admire your honesty, and can understand your situation.


x