The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

hamish222

Well 1st month of using cbfm and not going great. Have had bms two days in row on my high peak days. Still waiting for my super peak suspect maybe tomorrow or day after but it seems so staged. I am nightshift at moment and dh earlies so when he comes in from work we are getting to it so to speak but seems so artificial. Poor hubby is taking much longer than normal I think he feels pressurised as we both want a baby so much. And we are having sex when we are both not really in mood as such but needs must. Not ideal but will be better next couple of days as I am off so wont need to fit it into our day quite so much

beebuzz168

Thanks for the welcomes guys... am I too late for the brownies?! If it helps, I'll swap for some cupcakes I baked this evening - I'm getting married in less than 7 weeks now and am baking c. 200 cupcakes for it!!

One thing I did think of saying, as the only sort of advice I really have to give at the moment, is to really think about time away to deal with things. As I said in my previous post, I had a miscarriage in October, and, by chance, we had a long weekend in Paris booked to leave the day after we found out.

Hospital advice was that it was up to us, but that I might be in pain and generally not feel very well. We decided to risk it and it was the best thing I could have done. The days away gave us time to digest what was happening away from the daily life issues, and despite everything, we had a marvellous time away. Wish I could say it was an MSE way of dealing with things, but two coffees cost us about £8.50!!

Anyway, should things get to the stage of needing IVF etc, I think we would definitely consider having time away again - to deal with the good or bad news.

I'm sure none of this is news to you but thought I would share just in case...

Off to bed now. Night x

shelly

hamish222 wrote: »

Well 1st month of using cbfm and not going great. Have had bms two days in row on my high peak days. Still waiting for my super peak suspect maybe tomorrow or day after but it seems so staged. I am nightshift at moment and dh earlies so when he comes in from work we are getting to it so to speak but seems so artificial. Poor hubby is taking much longer than normal I think he feels pressurised as we both want a baby so much. And we are having sex when we are both not really in mood as such but needs must. Not ideal but will be better next couple of days as I am off so wont need to fit it into our day quite so much

Been there, done that and like you we found it to be very stressful. I had use of a CBFM for 6 months and I'm glad I don't have it any more if I am honest.
The first couple of months as soon as I got my peak I would be on at hubby that we MUST do it that night and the following night. Sex wasn't very fun or spontaneous. In the end I kept to myself when my peak time was and just put the moves on hubby so he was none the wiser I had had my peak so his performance went back to normal.
On the other hand at least I knew I was oving and could understand my cycle a little bit better.
Now I don't have the monitor we have gone back to following the fertility docs advice of having sex every 2-3 days. If I feel like it I can roughly work out when ov is due and put moves on hubby but mostly we do it when we want with no pressure.

LOOLOO

hiya hope you guys dont mind me joining this thread!! me 25 hubby 35 unexplained infertility ttc 5 yrs clomiphene 5 mths, didnt work gonal f injections 3 mths didnt work so now heading to ivf awaiting funding coming through * fingers crossed*

MadMac_2

Hamish, yeah it really can knock all of the romance and fun out of your sex life, this baby making lark. Reading your last post I thought I could have been writing it myself and I'm sure there are more of us on here that feel the same!

As to the CBFM, I tend to get three or four days of high before my two days of peak, so I'm sure your peak is just around the next corner - get ready! Ha ha... as if you need reminding!

Can you tell we have made sure we have a laugh about it in my household?! He struggles, says he feels so much pressure to perform - and I just tut and say get it over with and then we laugh so much it is hard to get going again, yup in all ways!!! :rotfl:

Good job we love each other, you need a strong relationship to get yourselves through it, don't you?

Ginvzt, hope getting home was as blissful as you wanted it to be...

Beebuzz, plenty of brownies left - the choc and orange ones did not go down well, but at least I tried! We would love a break, but money really is too tight at the moment and no way am I letting us dip into our baby-making fund as that is my tiny ray of hope and without that, I would feel truly desperate. :embarasse

LooLoo, welcome and here's to your journey with us being a short one as you've been waiting long enough already!

liloandstitch

Hope Im not too late for the brownies, did anyone leave me one, you know Ill sulk if I dont get one!!! The decaf coffee is Clipper, the one with the green label. Its the only one I like.

Sarahs999, at least you have some answers - even if they are not ones that you like! Your consultant sounds great, and I think that now they have the answers, when you next get pregnant, they can deal with the problems.

hamish222, I was going to start mine this month but didnt take it with me, and I assume that you need to start it on day 1. I am a bit worried that it might make things a bit mechanical but tbh I will try anything at the mo. I must admit I get a bit extra attentive to ensure a 'good performance' and also I dont tell hime when I am fertile to try and reduce the pressure (although he probably guesses)

Ginvzt, your place sounds great, I dont blame you not buying when you have such a good rented place.

Madmac, I couldnt face a fertility show either. I know its all really interesting and I am sure that I would learn a lot, but it would be a bit in my face for me. Enjoy your cooking

Leopardlady, sadly my legs lady has suggested the weight loss and increasing my exercise to try and improve my health, so unfortunately I must try! (plus DH has lost a stone and I am feeling very left out!) Hope things are ok with OH.

lauzjp, glad to hear things are still looking positive. Some of the ladies from this thread who have got pregnant have set up their own preg thread to talk about issues after you get pregnant and worries when you have had problems - I dont have the link, but they are lovely people and will probably understand your worries as they have been through it themselves. We are all still trying, so havent really got the necessary experience to help you, although obviously we wish you well. Look for posts by Fairy Elephant!

angelavdavis, your energy is amazing, can you lend me some. I want to do our front room, but it is going slowly. I bet it all looks lovely when its finished.

Shelly good luck with your mooncup - I wonder if the difficulties in fitting are due to the lack of cervix? Hope it all goes well for you.

Have a good day tomorrow! Lilo

liloandstitch

AAAAAhhhhhhh you all posted while I was writing my mammoth post, so it probably sounds totally out of context.

Madmac, I have a coffee here, send me a brownie NOW !!!!!!!! I also second that you need a strong relationship. It is really tough, and you need to be able to laugh about it.

And welcome Looloo, I hope your stay is short, but we are all old hands at IVF so give us a yell if you need any help. There are brownies floating around at madmacs, so shout if you want one. Feel free to gossip or let off steam anytime you want - and if you happen to be mad as well, you will fit in brilliantly!

Lilo

shelly

liloandstitch wrote: »

Shelly good luck with your mooncup - I wonder if the difficulties in fitting are due to the lack of cervix? Hope it all goes well for you.

Hi Lilo.

I haven't got a fitting problem as such (I can get it in ok and once in it feels ok) more that the stem is too long (feels very uncomfortable at vaginal entrance) but if I trim it much more I won't be able to get the cup out once it's in because I need the stem to pull it out with.....if that makes sense

Don't think the lack of cervix is a problem at all as the cup sits much lower down than a tampon and I can use them fine.
I'll try again in a day or 2 but if the stem has to go much shorter i'll have to give it up completely.....but at least i'll have tried

Oh and maybe TMI but I actually saw some CM in the cup when I took it out after trying the first time :rotfl:
I never see it when wiping after a pee since I had the surgery but there was defo some there......I had nearly forgotten what it looked like :rotfl:

liloandstitch

Excellent news about the CM! I still get a bit but def not as much as before. Whilst on the subject of TMI, were your periods lighter after surgery? Mine seem to have changed so much - full flow seems to be barely a dribble these days (although this could be my hormone prob rather than surgery)

I have never used a mooncup but did use a cap for contraception in my dim and distant past - you got that out by hooking your finger under the rim - can you do this with the mooncup? I assume the stem is like the string on a tampon? Have fun, anyway!

ginvzt

MadMac wrote: »

Ginvzt, hope getting home was as blissful as you wanted it to be...

I think it is getting way too much for me - I came home and ended up sobbing for a good half an hour. We needed to do shopping as well last night, so after I managed to sort myself out a bit, we went out and decided to have a dinner (Chinese) and did the shopping afterwards.

Also, I think we came to conclusion that we will be spending Christmas on our own - I don't how will I break this to my family, but I really can't justify spending nearly £700 to fly there for a week or less. I'd rather spend that money on presents for them than increasing airline profits... (And no, it is not a long haul flight, just under 3 hours...)