The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

mrshappy

So sorry Primmer and Legacy, thinking of you both x

fluffnutter

Legacy wrote: »

I'm really sorry primmer i can really empathise with your disappointment.. I hope your OH is back now.. My hospital said if I started bleeding to keep using the pessaries just incase until test day, but no-one knows you, better than yourself.

I haven't had a bleed but tested today and it was negative. Which, deep down I already knew because of a total lack of symptoms. I'm not entirely sure where we go from here.. We did absolutely everything by the book this time (lost weight, ate the right food, avoided the bad food, cut out caffeine entirely, exercised, took all the supplements..I even gave up my job (breaking in young horses) due to it being dangerous) and got fab quality embies, and even though you know the odds aren't great, for it still not to work is just absolutely devastating. I feel so let down by my own body and somehow unattached (this sounds a bit strange) from the area below my ribs to the tops of my thighs.. it's as though that part of my body is nothing to do with me anymore - it doesn't do what the rest of me wants it so desperately to do.

I had hoped this Christmas we'd be breaking the happy news to our relatives and friends but it seems like it's just going to be a difficult time of year again.

On the plus side, we do have some frozen embies now.. (6) but I'm not sure how much longer we can keep putting our lives on hold and how many more goes on the emotional rollercoaster we can take. Anyways, that's more than enough of me being depressing and dismal.. and ranting!

Primmer, I'm so sorry hun.. take care all xx

Six frozen embies is a fantastic number. I know you're worn out with it all at the moment, but that's six more goes! I read a really encouraging article recently about how the figures for frozen cycles were better than for fresh ones. The article said they're not sure why but it could be a combination of the woman's body being in a better state to host a pregnancy (the drugs you take for frozen cycles are much less hardcore than stimming) together with the fact that only top grade embryos survive the freezing/thawing process.

With six more potential little babies in the deepfreeze, I have every confidence it's only a matter of time for you. Give yourself some space to grieve this attempt, then try again x.

jujugaboo

Sending you big hugs Primmer, take some time to look after yourself and OH.

Legacy - sorry that it was a negitive but good news on the 6 frozen embies. That is such a good number. The fact that I got pregnant after 4 fresh failed ICSIs on a FET is a good sign that it can work.

I feel bad for saying this as there is not much happy news on here at the moment but I had my 12 week scan today and the baby seems to be healthy and was kicking away. It still seems so unreal after 5 years of IVF. I will just go back to lurking now.

Hugs to all those who need it. xxx

Primmer

Legacy - so sorry it was a negative. Sending huge hugs. Take time out and then when ready you can return for a frozen embie.

Juju - don't feel bad that is excellent news, I never feel bad about other posters good news on this thread as we have all been through so much and understand the struggle. So pleased your scan went well :j

AFM - spent last night and most of morning in tears despite being at work today. Feel so sad and angry that life doesn't seem fair. Bleeding is really heavy and painful which isn't helping and is a constant reminder that it didn't work.

bigzippy

I'm so so sorry to hear that Primmer I can only offer you virtual chocolate fudge cake (autocorrect just put "chocolate giraffe cake"!?!) though I wish it were at least real!

Sorry to hear of your bfn Legacy


Fantastic news juju :j - no placenta previa or anything either? (I vaguely remember you saying something about it implanting low, when you were bleeding?)


AFM:
I'm mainly just lurking and trying to pretend my op is not looming... Who says denial isn't just a place in Egypt?

jujugaboo

bigzippy wrote: »

Fantastic news juju :j - no placenta previa or anything either? (I vaguely remember you saying something about it implanting low, when you were bleeding?)

I did ask whether the baby was low but she just said it all looked normal and the placenta looked ok, though I think it might be a bit early on that front. To see its little long legs and hands was amazing experience, I thought i would be more emotional (like crying) but i wasn't just had a big cheesy smile.

Hugs to everyone else. x

sarahs999

So sorry Primmer and everyone else having a bad time.

COngrats Ju!

My midwife meeting was good yesterday, heartbeat still there at 17 weeks so that's good. Can feel some small fluttery kicks too, so it's starting to feel real. Am still not bonding though - don't think I'll be able to do that for a long time.

TeamLowe

i'm sorry it's not worked Legacy and Primmer, all you ladies deserve all the luck in the world x x
Congratulations to Juju and Sarah, must be amazing
x x

bigzippy

jujugaboo wrote: »

I did ask whether the baby was low but she just said it all looked normal and the placenta looked ok, though I think it might be a bit early on that front. To see its little long legs and hands was amazing experience, I thought i would be more emotional (like crying) but i wasn't just had a big cheesy smile.

Hugs to everyone else. x

Great stuff

sarahs999 wrote: »

So sorry Primmer and everyone else having a bad time.

COngrats Ju!

My midwife meeting was good yesterday, heartbeat still there at 17 weeks so that's good. Can feel some small fluttery kicks too, so it's starting to feel real. Am still not bonding though - don't think I'll be able to do that for a long time.

Brill Understandable though, you've been through a lot to get to this point - maybe baby will be at school before you realise it's really real


Primmer, how you feeling now?

Primmer

BZ - not doing too good to be honest. Had to do clinics test today which I knew would be negative but still hurt to see. Got to phone the clinic when they open and let them know my result and then a nurse or doctor will call me back.

Going away today for the weekend with dh, dog and my parents which will be nice but my parents don't know about the ivf so have to try and put on a happy face.

Feel angry and so sad. It feels like a loss to me as I saw the 2 embryos get put inside me and each day I have been doing my cd which includes visualising them and sending positive messages and so although it may sound silly I felt an attachment with them. Now they are gone along with my chance of ever having a baby.

I am angry that life's not fair and that people have kids who they abuse and mistreat and I can't have a child to love and protect. I am angry that it costs so much and that my boss yesterday just said to try again even when I explained I don't have another £5000 to have another try. It's not fair that the nhs are punishing me for waiting to have found the right person to have children with as now classing me as too old and also because dh has a grown up daughter from another marriage.

I will have to get over it in time but at the moment it's still so raw.

BZ - I hope you are doing ok as I know you are struggling and you have your surgery coming up. Life does seem to be such a struggle at times and with so many obstacles. You and your dh need some good luck to come your way ((hugs)).