The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Metranil_Vavin

Primmer I am so sorry. I lurk for news from you, and have been following your journey.

I agree it is hateful that there are so many scummy people in the world that pop out kid after kid without ever realising how blessed they re, you only have to switch on the Jeremy Kyle show to see them. It makes me sick to my stomach.

I had another early mc last week, and whilst I haven't been through anything like you have, it really gets to me that any child I have would be totally loved and cherished.

xx

Primmer

MV - thanks for your message. So sorry to hear about your mc, sending you big virtual hugs.

Whattodonow

So sorry primmer. That fkin sucks. Xxx

bigzippy

Primmer wrote: »

BZ - not doing too good to be honest. Had to do clinics test today which I knew would be negative but still hurt to see. Got to phone the clinic when they open and let them know my result and then a nurse or doctor will call me back.

Going away today for the weekend with dh, dog and my parents which will be nice but my parents don't know about the ivf so have to try and put on a happy face.

Feel angry and so sad. It feels like a loss to me as I saw the 2 embryos get put inside me and each day I have been doing my cd which includes visualising them and sending positive messages and so although it may sound silly I felt an attachment with them. Now they are gone along with my chance of ever having a baby.

I am angry that life's not fair and that people have kids who they abuse and mistreat and I can't have a child to love and protect. I am angry that it costs so much and that my boss yesterday just said to try again even when I explained I don't have another £5000 to have another try. It's not fair that the nhs are punishing me for waiting to have found the right person to have children with as now classing me as too old and also because dh has a grown up daughter from another marriage.

I will have to get over it in time but at the moment it's still so raw.

All completely understandable.
I've forgotten now your ages & conception issues - but I'm wondering whether the cheaper natural/mild ivf might be something you could stretch to afford? You should've suggested to your boss that they give you a 5k pay rise/bonus!
In all seriousness though, I can see how it must be really upsetting. I hadn't realised that financially this was your only shot either. My dh is looking at a promotion atm, and if he got it it would mean a pay rise of up to £9k - and we'd both been working out how many rounds of ivf that might mean before we could stop ourselves. I keep telling myself that I don't think the first/second/whatever round of ivf would work, because of the statistics, but the reality of seeing the embryos put back in etc, I can only imagine how it must be so hard to not have them implant and keep growing hell, I'm attached to the mere idea of embryos, I've not even made yet, potentially being put in deep freeze!

I'm waffling now, but my point was: I'm sorry, this sucks. thinking of you

BZ - I hope you are doing ok as I know you are struggling and you have your surgery coming up. Life does seem to be such a struggle at times and with so many obstacles. You and your dh need some good luck to come your way ((hugs)).

Thanks like I say, dh going for this promotion... I really hope he gets it. He really really wants it and it would be: a) a massive boost for his confidence and mood if he gets it; b) a massive, much needed cash injection for the household finances (very important as I can't work and we're staring ivf costs in the face); c) a massive blow for him if he doesn't get it, and I'm worried it'll plunge him into deep depression Obviously I'm hoping for a&b but v.concerned about c. :cool:

An FS appointment has been sent through for late October, so I'm assuming that's to discuss the outcome of the op and ivf options. They don't seem to want to refer me to chat with the ACU until that appointment, which is frustrating, but I get the feeling that they've realised that should've been done at the last appointment with the consultant on FS's team, and I'm guessing they want to rectify it first...either way, I rang and specified that I wanted to see FS specifically, not a lackey, so hopefully we'll get clarity of info.:cool:

I think I ovulated this week, I think the progesterone's reset my cycle, and I think it's cruel that I can't do a damn thing with the released egg. And I miss my MIL, for me and for DH



How's everyone else? :wave:

Tealover? :wave:
T2D? :wave:
everyone? :wave:

mrshappy

Good luck for mrbz going for promotion.
Primmer, hugs, I have no words of wisdom, but I am thinking of you x
Hope everyone is well, it is a lovely dry autumn day and I'm stuck in studying

QQuaver

Primmer ((((((hugs)))))).

bigzippy

Just had to share this blog post with you guys.

I think we've all probably fallen foul of the "it's not meant to be" type comments, or lived in fear of them :cool:

Hope you're all ok, you're awfully quiet :huh:

Primmer

BZ - thanks for sharing the blog. Always gets me that people think its acceptable to ask when/if you are having babies when it really is none of their business.

Spoke to a lovely nurse at the clinic and they are going to send me a review letter about what they would suggest if we decide to try again. Think they will recommend icsi which costs more than ivf. They won't do natural ivf unless you are under 38 due to lower chances of success so at 39 I am unable to do that.

Hope everyone is doing ok and sending hugs to everyone x

fluffnutter

bigzippy wrote: »

Just had to share this blog post with you guys.

I think we've all probably fallen foul of the "it's not meant to be" type comments, or lived in fear of them :cool:

Hope you're all ok, you're awfully quiet :huh:

There was an article on Woman's Hour earlier in the week about IVF funding. I didn't actually catch it but at the end of the programme Jenni Murray was reading some of the texts and tweets that had been in response.

One of them [in support of reduced funding] was along the lines of 'The NHS has limited funding which should be spent on preventing and treating illness' (a not unreasonable stance) and not on helping those who are 'disappointed'.

'Disappointed'?? !!!!!!? Is that the emotion that people feel when they're told they're infertile? DISAPPOINTED?? I feel 'disappointed' if I can't find the new jacket I want in my size. I feel 'disappointed' if Waitrose have run out of ready-to-eat peaches.

I didn't feel 'disappointed' when I was told I'd never have my own children. I felt absolutely, totally GRIEF-STRICKEN. Honestly, the insensitivity of whomever sent that text. I GUARANTEE she's never had problems conceiving.

tea_lover

One sure-fire way to end up either depressed or incredibly angry is to listen to/read comments on any infertility articles. The amount of times I've read comments similar to this, or the old favourite "lifestyle choice".

!!!!!!, a lifestyle choice is deciding where to go on holiday, buying a new house, choosing a new sofa. Constant abdominal pain, surgery at least every other year, complete lack of sperm, invasive medical treatments and the knowledge that you're never going to get to be parents which everyone else can do without even thinking about it are not a flaming lifestyle choice.

Rant over .