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The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)
Comments
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Hi - I haven't posted on here for ages...I still read though, but on my phone, and hate typing with that..excuses, eh?!
Lots going on.
Angela - was nice to see the photo of your two - they look adorable!
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JuJu - glad all is going well!
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Good luck ETO and Primmer!
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BZ - that's bad news, sorry. I guess there's nothing else to do but get on with it - but you knew that - and maybe the wait won't be quite as long as you imagine.
Tea lover - sorry you're sad. Clomid is good for tears. But then, so is infertility. I'm having one last month on Clomid - tears haven't kicked in yet for me. (That's a lie - I had a few tears when got the final letter from the infertility clinic today, expressing their regret I hadn't conceived - and wishing me all the best for a natural conception in the future. It's a nice thought, I suppose!)
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Onestep - how are you doing?0 -
OMG if one more person tells me I'm lucky IVF's available I'm gonna spark em out! or "my son's daughter's friend's cousin's cat's vet's brother got pregnant with ivf" :mad: Why can't people just say "that's crap, I'm really sorry
" and leave it at that?! It's usually fertiles that come out with this tripe too
Rant over ...for now
Thanks ladies
Nice to see you post chickpea, I hope this one does the job :cool:
P.s. I especially love when said idiot makes out like they know more than the specialist you've just seen, and asked a bazillion questions of, too
Turns out I hadn't finished ranting..."I am indelibly stained by hope and longing" - Nuts in May0 -
BZ - so sorry it wasn't the answers you wanted. Massive hugs xx.0
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Sorry if my post upset/offended you BZ. I was only trying to help
I didn't want to wash over your news with the usual, so sorry to hear that or hugs post and wanted you to know that people are rooting for you etc. I obviously don't know more than a fertility specialist, but I am an eternal optimist so I try to look for hope/good points in everything. Again, sorry if this was mis-timed or taken wrong. I did mean everything very nicely.
Married my lobster in July 2011
TTC # 2 since Oct 2011 - good things come to those who wait
:dance: 2013 is going to be our lucky year :dance:0 -
Feel like such a complete and utter cow-bag today. I feel so completely, irrationally angry at people expanding their families. I do realise (honestly) that if people have 2 children, or 20, it doesn’t make the slightest difference to my chances of conceiving. It’s not like there’s a baby quota. But I can’t help it, I feel like how dare they. How dare people moan about a second child when I don’t have one. How dare they say it’s taking a long time after a couple of months. How dare they complain at all when they have a family and I have nothing. They have the scan pictures, the cot, the first smile, the baby clothes on the washing line, the mothers day cards, the school run... all of it and I just want it so much.
Sometimes I don’t think I deserve a baby, I really am horrible.0 -
big hugs BigZ, people will always try to help when they can't
and Tea Lover, big hugs to you if you're a horrible person then so am I! my most common bitter thought is that people who have a child shouldn't complain about not having a second, third, fourth. and that everyone who has one should wait until everyone has one then they can move on to their second lol
but then i think, well, if it was me and i had a child, i'm sure i'd think 'those people without shouldn't whine so much, they don't know what they're missing'. grass is always greener and there's no pain but your own and all that x x
PS my rational head doesn't think like that obviously and i hope everyone can have as many babies as they want and that no one has to struggle x xLittle Lowe born January 2014 at 36+6
Completed on house September 2013
Got Married April 20110 -
Sorry if my post upset/offended you BZ. I was only trying to help
I didn't want to wash over your news with the usual, so sorry to hear that or hugs post and wanted you to know that people are rooting for you etc. I obviously don't know more than a fertility specialist, but I am an eternal optimist so I try to look for hope/good points in everything. Again, sorry if this was mis-timed or taken wrong. I did mean everything very nicely.
When people say things about how lucky we are to get IVF, I understand that they're saying - that at least there's a further option that may not have been there x years ago, but what it sounds/feels like to me/the person hearing it is "what are you worried about, you should be grateful that you're about to sign up to massive emotional and physical stress, get prodded and poked more times than imaginable, and then still cross your fingers and hope that it works".
I'm sure, having said that, that when I'm going through it/if we're successful I *will* be grateful for the opportunity, especially for NHS funding (I understand not everyone gets this).
Initially though, (like I think Chickpea? said) you have to grieve for the naturally conceived child(ren) you'll never have; the siblings you can probably never afford to have if you're even lucky enough to get one in the first place; the intimacy of conception you'll never have/be able to look back on; the 6 months of clomid you thought you'd get as a chance; the 'wasted' months/years you've already spent; the 'wasted' months waiting to even get seen by the Assisted Conception unit....
I wasn't angry at you, or your post, or even what the other people have said, directly - I'm angry at the situation. I'm angry we're in this position. I'm angry with how broken my body is. I'm angry that I allowed myself to get "encouraged" by completely untrained people telling me how much they would be able to do for my tubes, when the reality is that my GP was right, and they actually can't. Therefore, hearing it even more, that they will/might be able to do something on surgery day isn't helpful or positive either, as it just means heartbreak in the long run.
Do you see what I mean?
Anyway, I wasn't particularly ranting at/about you in my post last night. I'm upset, fed up, and ranting. Full stop.No hard feelings?
Feel like such a complete and utter cow-bag today. I feel so completely, irrationally angry at people expanding their families. I do realise (honestly) that if people have 2 children, or 20, it doesn’t make the slightest difference to my chances of conceiving. It’s not like there’s a baby quota. But I can’t help it, I feel like how dare they. How dare people moan about a second child when I don’t have one. How dare they say it’s taking a long time after a couple of months. How dare they complain at all when they have a family and I have nothing. They have the scan pictures, the cot, the first smile, the baby clothes on the washing line, the mothers day cards, the school run... all of it and I just want it so much.
Sometimes I don’t think I deserve a baby, I really am horrible.The worst is when they "queue jump" not just for one kid, but for subsequent ones too... :cool::o
"I am indelibly stained by hope and longing" - Nuts in May0 -
Of course there are no hard feelings. I do wish you all the luck in the world, and I know that sometimes no words are good enough for certain situations.
Married my lobster in July 2011
TTC # 2 since Oct 2011 - good things come to those who wait
:dance: 2013 is going to be our lucky year :dance:0 -
Very nervously posting to say that whilst I completely understand how upset everyone is, that this thread has historically always been an extremely supportive thread for people going through a very hard time, which you can't understand unless you have been there. And that there are quite a few regulars and occasional posters who are experiencing secondary infertility, and have found that devastating too, and are working through those issues.
I don't post at all on this thread about personally TTC, as I was lucky enough (albeit with help) to succeed in the past, but as one of the founders of the original thread, I still read regularly and if I do have any answers to anything posted I try and offer it. But, I've been here long enough to know that secondary infertility throws up different but equally upsetting and stressful feelings as primary, and I think it would be a shame if a whole swathe of posters who have a child (sometimes from a former relationship) but have been trying for years on end for a second and feel the same loss and disappointments every month as everyone else end up getting caught in crossfire of these rants, and ending up upset and alienated when the thread has up until now been big enough for both camps.0 -
Very nervously posting to say that whilst I completely understand how upset everyone is, that this thread has historically always been an extremely supportive thread for people going through a very hard time, which you can't understand unless you have been there. And that there are quite a few regulars and occasional posters who are experiencing secondary infertility, and have found that devastating too, and are working through those issues.
I don't post at all on this thread about personally TTC, as I was lucky enough (albeit with help) to succeed in the past, but as one of the founders of the original thread, I still read regularly and if I do have any answers to anything posted I try and offer it. But, I've been here long enough to know that secondary infertility throws up different but equally upsetting and stressful feelings as primary, and I think it would be a shame if a whole swathe of posters who have a child (sometimes from a former relationship) but have been trying for years on end for a second and feel the same loss and disappointments every month as everyone else end up getting caught in crossfire of these rants, and ending up upset and alienated when the thread has up until now been big enough for both camps.
And although I know it's not the same thing, now I know there's no chance (barring a literal miracle) of conceiving naturally, I'm already grieving the idea that if we ever manage to have a biological first child we probably won't be able to have a second or third - which was how we thought our family would look in years to come.
For me the subsequent TTC/BFP/births of siblings only sting so much when it feels like the first child(ren) aren't as appreciated (whether that's actually true or not! sometimes it just *feels* like it) or when I feel like I've been lapped...again!
"I am indelibly stained by hope and longing" - Nuts in May0
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