The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Runnerduck

hi. an9i77 it's a really hard decision to make, i will probably have a lot of problems if i manage to get pregnant, as last time i had to spend 3 months in hospital, but i know mine will not affect me longterm so i am willing to take that chance, but i think if it was my eyesight my husband would not want me to try, i don't know how i would feel as i know how much the longing for a baby makes us want to try anything. i agree with what someone else on here said, try and get a second opinion, possibly go private if it means getting the best advice possible, then only you can decide weather you can go ahead, good luck , i hope you get some good advice xx

fluffnutter

an9i77 wrote: »

Just out of interest, would people on here risk their own health to have a much longed for baby? And how much of a risk would you take?

It's an interesting, and difficult, question. Pregnancy and labour carry risks and I think most women are content to accept a degree of deterioration in health, hopefully temporarily, to have a child. Additionally something catastrophic, but totally unpredictable, can happen but the risk of this is so small as to not be a contributing factor in deciding whether to have a child or not.

But to knowingly risk permanent damage or death? That's not so straightforward. The problem is, these things are not certain; even if you have a condition that makes pregnancy and labour incredibly high risk you're highly unlikely to be in a position where you're told 'if you have a baby, you'll die', rather you'll be told 'if you have a baby, you *might* die'.

Then it just comes down to how much do you want that baby? Is it selfish to have a baby knowing that you might be depriving it of a mother? How much of a risk is too much? Would you rather have a child knowing your health might deteriorate than never have a child at all? Who knows. They're very, very personal choices and thankfully not ones that I've had to make myself.

an9i77

Thank you so much to all who replied. I really am in bits about this whole thing. If I was told 'don't risk it you have a really high chance of permanent damage' then it would be fairly easy to make the decision, but I'm being told that it might happen, that it might be temporary, that if I have good blood sugar control before conception this might help - so lots of mights and maybes and not much in the way of definite info.

Also there is a lot they can do with laser treatment, so it might be that they say they can laser my eyes early in the pregnancy to avoid any damage, in which case I may take that option. Then again laser if done to excess can cause problems too - obviously not as bad as the problems they solve but it's not without side effects such as some loss of peripheral vision.

Its a very hard decision, and at the end of the day whatever advice I get I will still have to make that decision in some way, as no one can say there will definitely be No risk, just as no one would say I should defniitely not have a baby. Although it is my partner's and my decision to make, in some ways it is my decision alone as I am the one ultimately who will have to deal with the consequences if it goes wrong.

The consultant I saw on the NHS said that I could have another baby but may need some laser, although she kind of acted like that wouldn't be a massive deal and not enough to prevent me having a child if I really wanted it. My brother, who also suffers from diabetes, said don't risk it.
But I feel I need some more specialised advice so I've booked in to see a top specialist privately next week, who is very expensive but I think the situation justifies the cost.

I guess until I see the specialist I will be in limbo-land, I'm really hopeful that he will say that either the damage is likely to be temporary, or that they can do laser to stop any problems before they start. But we will have to wait and see what he says and make a decision based on that.

I''m thinking at the moment that unless I'm strongly advised not to, I will go ahead with TTC - or at least wait a little longer and review the situation in a years time if I'm really not sure. It's a shame as I wanted to get pregnant this year but another year or so won't harm in the grand scheme of things. Maybe then I'll have some time to get my head round it all, so if the situation's still the same in a year I'll have come to terms with it somewhat.

Thanks for replying everyone, I'll update you after I see the consultant next Tuesday. Fingers X'd!

Good luck to everyone with their own fertility journeys.

fluffnutter

If it helps at all, an9i77, in your situation I'd try for the baby. For a start it's a risk, not a certainty; there seem to be treatments available that might help; your eyes might deteriorate anyway with or without a pregnancy; and, at the end of the day (and I accept that this is a very personal choice) I'd rather have a baby and not be able to see properly, than no baby at all.

But that's from a position of not having any children yet (incubating one at the moment); I might feel differently if I already had a child. It's a difficult one, lovey.

sillysausage1977

Hi All,

Murrey - Congraulatons - briliant news!

An9i77 - What a hard decision to have to make ((hugs)).

C4B - Hope your hanging in there xx

sarahs999

An9177, I echo what the others have said - it's a very hard and very personal decision.

In my first pregnancy I had severe early onset preeclampsia, and due to further complications I nearly died on the operating table (pulmonary odema). We have taken a very long time to look at the risks, talk to several specialists (once you've had pre-eclampsia once you are high risk to have it again). I have about a 20-30 per cent chance of having it again (this is a whole separate issue from my recurrent miscarriage... or is it... sometimes I wonder....). But no one has ever said 'no, it's too dangerous to try' and so we are trying. Mine will be a very highly observed and medical pregnancy so I am hoping that with continual monitoring by both them and us, any problems will be latched on to early. But of course you can never say with certainty.

I also already have one child. If I thought there was a real risk of leaving him motherless, over and above the normal risk that you have with any pregnancy, I wouldn't do it.

chickpea

sillysausage1977 wrote: »

,
Murrey - Congraulatons - briliant news!

Ah - you got my hopes up there ss!! I assume you meant congrats to Maddy!!

+++++++++

Murray - nice to hear from you, sorry it's not better news in the meantime..

I am surprised the consultant wants to do another Lap, but I'd go for it - unless you are paying..?

Sorry, don't know of any other way to check for adhesions - think lap is probably best for that, but I'm not an expert.

I had a cyst removed in my first Lap and no-one ever suggested scarring/adhesion - would that show up during a dildocam scan? Afraid I don't really know.

I begged my consultant for a 2nd Lap and dye but she refused, saying there was no clinical need (she was probably right, but I am desperate) so I had to pay for a Hycosy, which was clear.

Mind you, I didn't know about HSG not showing whether the egg could get into the tube to begin with though..something else to worry about..

How old are you incidentally?

bigzippy

I got my "ring on the first day of your next cycle" letter today, for making an appointment for the HSG... I don't want the test and I don't want another cd1! *stamps feet*

Dh was telling me today how much he wants a baby and that it "counts twice" for boys because they're not hard wired to be maternal/nurturers :cool: it's sweet how much he wants it, but on a bad day it just makes me feel worse that I haven't been able to produce one yet I know it's not entirely logical, but then, emotions rarely are he said he feels his biological clock ticking, and some days it's like he's just aware of it, but others it's like a sense of complete panic, and it takes everything he's got to keep it together

I know that might sound melodramatic, but his dad died in his early/mid 50s, his mum is very very unwell and has been for years and is only mid 60s, and his aunt died in her late 40s...he wants to be around for the majority of his kids' lives and is terrified he won't be if he's "old" by the time they appear

chickpea

It's rough Zippy - if only wanting would make it happen..

staffiecat

Murray wrote: »

Hi ladies (and men)

I need some advice. Some of you may remember that I had laparoscopy last year to remove an ovarian cyst and to have my tubes checked (lap & dye) which were fine. Now, nearly a year on and still not pg, my consultant has said that he wants to do laparoscopy again to check whether there are any adhesions or scar tissue causing a blockage in some way. He said HSG was another possibility but that wouldn't tell us if there was anything blocking the egg from getting into the opening of the tube.

Now I'm concerned:

1. whether a 2nd op is going to cause more scar tissue?
2. if scar tissue had formed around my ovary which had the cyst, wouldn't the other one still work?
3. is there a less invasive way to find out if there is any scarring or adhesions?

What do you think? Has anyone else had to have laparoscopy twice to check the patency of tubes?

Hi Murray,
Just popping in quickly to respond to this. I can understand why are you are concerned about having this done again but I think that this is probably the right way for them to check for scarring. A 2nd op shouldn't cause more scarring (I think and obviously am not medically trained) providing that they are not removing anything again. So if they just go in and take a look around then that shouldn't equal more scarring but your consultant should confirm.

When I had my lap, they did remove adhesions and they were happy that they were able to, so on the positive side if they do spot anything they might be able to treat this and this could help with pregnancy. Can more scars or adhesions form on treated areas - thats another question for your consultant. I know with ovarian drilling that there is a risk of scarring so I assume the risk is the same for removal of cysts.

I agree though that if adhesions had formed around one of your ovaries then why isn't the other working but only your consultant can really advise here. Perhaps you have another cyst and having the lap will identify that.

Are they going to refer to you for IVF or IUI at any point? Or is having this followed by trying naturally again the only option for now?

If it was me, I think I would want another appt with the consultant to answer all of these questions and to find out what the steps are after the procedure i.e. will they refer for IVF. But, I would be guided by the consultant and if they thought that this was a good shot then I would probably go with it.

HTH, take care
xx