The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Murray

Maddie - congratulations!! Great to have some good news on here! Good luck for your scan.

an9i77 - what a difficult decision to make ((hugs)). If it was me, I wouldn't want to take the risk if there was a chance I would end up with 2 children and little or no sight, I imagine that would be very very hard. I would prefer to enjoy better quality of life with the child I'd already got. I do think that you need to see your consultant and do as much research as you can into the chances of it happening again so you can make the right decision for you. All the best.

jiblets1

Oh an, that's a terribly difficult position to be in, and I think this is a good place for you to think it out - surrounded by people who make their fertility decisions with a lot of thought. You and your partner will be the only ones who can make the decision though. OH and I have skirted around discussions like this in our time, and for us, it was always that we wouldn't go so far as to put my health at risk. In that situation we would decide to adopt and have to accept that pregnancy would never be for me. Adoption isn't for everyone, but it is certainly worth considering. Good luck with your decision.

tinksy

Congratulations Maddie x

Murray

Hi ladies (and men)

I need some advice. Some of you may remember that I had laparoscopy last year to remove an ovarian cyst and to have my tubes checked (lap & dye) which were fine. Now, nearly a year on and still not pg, my consultant has said that he wants to do laparoscopy again to check whether there are any adhesions or scar tissue causing a blockage in some way. He said HSG was another possibility but that wouldn't tell us if there was anything blocking the egg from getting into the opening of the tube.

Now I'm concerned:

1. whether a 2nd op is going to cause more scar tissue?
2. if scar tissue had formed around my ovary which had the cyst, wouldn't the other one still work?
3. is there a less invasive way to find out if there is any scarring or adhesions?

What do you think? Has anyone else had to have laparoscopy twice to check the patency of tubes?

an9i77

Thanks guys. I have been feeling very down about this. in case anyone is interested I have diabetic eye disease and it can get worse with pregnancy, even if the blood sugars are well controlled. in fact that's what caused it last time, when I found out I was pregnant I got my blood sugars very well controlled to protect the baby, but it damaged my eyes partly due to the sudden improvement (ironic and illogical, I know).

I am seeing a private consultant next week to hopefully get some answers. There may be some hope if my condition has stabilised, or they may say to wait another year and see if its improved. Then again they may say it's got worse in which case there is no hope.

You're right Murray that it may be better to enjoy life with the one child we have rather than risk it. I know I am very lucky to have one child already, but we so wanted to have a little brother or sister for him but then the more I looked into my condition the more I thought it might not be a good idea, and to get some medical advice.

I don't have anything against adoption but I've heard it's really hard and as we already have one child I guess it would be fairer for someone without any at all to adopt. I don't know whether surrogacy would ever be an option, probably not without lots of money, my eggs/his sperm work fine it's just my wonky diabetic body that's the problem. Whilst it's difficult being diabetic and pregnant, its not impossible and only for 9 months. It's the potential for damage to my eyes that's the problem.

Just out of interest, would people on here risk their own health to have a much longed for baby? And how much of a risk would you take?

must_try_harder_2

I usually just lurk around these parts but I wanted to say congratulations to Maddie

And Ani, what does your partner think? I don't think there is any way that my husband would ever contemplate having a baby if there was a significant chance of me going blind as a result. I think your eyesight is a precious thing and it would be too much of a risk for me.

You may decide adoption isn't for you, but in terms of letting someone without children adopt instead - there are in most areas more children that need adopting than potential adopters so it's not like you'd be depriving a childless couple of a child! Also I think they are bringing in new guidelines to make the whole adoption process easier (and it is easier if you already have a child). Or is there anyone close to you who would act as a surrogate for you?

an9i77

hi MTH thanks for your reply
We haven't seriously looked into adoption/surrogacy because there is still some hope I could have a baby naturally. I have been doing some research into my condition and although the disease is usually irreversible, there is some evidence to suggest that the changes that occur during pregnancy may actually be temporary. A lot will depend on how my eyes are now, a year after my first child, if there is sign that things are improving and it was temporary then that is a good sign that we can have another baby. I am having my eyes seen next week by the consultant so hopefully I will be in a better position to make a decision then. Its so hard becuase there is so much conflicting info out there, and i am the first to admit I've been googling away and it can be a bit of a minefield.

i guess by adoption, what I meant is I know there are a lot of older children but not little babies, and I don't know if I'd want an older child although i may change my mind in time if we definitely can't have our own. I don't know if anyone would be a surrogate, no one obvious springs to mind and its a massive thing to ask! Wouldn't say no though if offered!

My partner's not a man of many words, I guess he's being more rational and seeing what the consultant says first. He says no point worrying until we know the score. If only it was that easy!

Maddie

an9i77, I would worry that your 2nd child could end up feeling guilty in later life if your site worsens. I know that is illogical.

It's a very difficult decision

VK-2008

Congrats Maddie, lovely to hear good news,

An9i77 hugs to you

bigzippy

When do you see your consultant ani? Do you trust them? Would you get a second opinion also (nothing to stop you doing so, privately or on the nhs) - as you say it's a minefield of conflicting advice so perhaps 2 opinions would give you more faith than one...? It's the first time I've heard of blindness being an issue with pregnancy in diabetes (my mil has diabetic retinopathy, from poorly managed diabetes, and fwiw she always said she would do anything to have her eyes and her legs back) I would suggest not doing anything til you've seen your consultant. It may be worth talking to your gp about it in the meantime?

As for risking health for a baby, I think there are different degrees of risk... For me I have some chronic conditions which will either get a lot worse with pregnancy, or stay the same, or get better during the course of the pregnancy - there are reports of all 3. I'm preparing myself for having to be on bed rest (assuming pregnancy happens at all for me) for an entire 9 months and then needing a caesarean so as not to exacerbate my condition or dislocate my hips. On the other hand, pregnancy hormones may give me a temporary reprieve from my symptoms, which is what I'm hoping for, obviously. While the effects of pregnancy hormones on my system would be temporary, the daily exertion required to care for my future child(ren) would also take it's toll on my health, but -barring picking up some severe virus due to compromised immune system, or falling down stairs or something due to dislocation- it shouldn't be to a life threatening degree, and as such it's a risk I'm willing to take and will try to sensibly mitigate those risks when I reach that point and find out where my struggles lie and what help I may benefit from.

If there was significant risk of permanent loss of sight due to wanting another baby, I think I'd rather be able to cherish my current child's life with my eyesight... Or at least wait for a long enough time to see just how much my sight improved post birth from the first child. I would definitely consider adoption, if it were me, but dh and I have talked about adoption/fostering regardless of being able to have biological children.

Anyway, I hope my ramblings helped in some way...