The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

staffiecat

This was my day:

Girl at work (GAW): Ooh staffiecat, I have some great gossip.
Me: Ooh, what is it?
GAW: such and such is pregnant, she is soooo excited, its lovely.
Me: Oh thats wonderful (in my head: oh please leave me, leave now, go away).
GAW: Yes, its identical twins (bounces in chair with glee)
Me: Wow, thats something (in my head: double whammy, twins, wow, why won't my body work, why can't i even fall pregnant and yet she can have twins)
GAW: Yes, she's only been married 6 months and she is over the moon.
Me: Oh bless, I am happy for her, thats lovely news (in my head: please leave me now before I burst into tears and reveal my deepest darkest secret to you.)
GAW: Yes, its great. How long have you been married now staffiecat - and then I get the look, the one that asks that question but its not verbalised, the one that accuses you of being abnormal, the one that sticks with you in your brain and you think they know. They know that I am abnormal and unable to provide a child to my wonderful DH.
Me: (sits there quietly waiting for the floor to open up)
GAW: Continues to waffle a little while longer then awkwardly leaves.


Mine will be a very strong bacardi please ladies
Going to read back properly now
x

staffiecat

Ok, caught up now!

Sarah, I am really sorry, sending you huge hugs. I hope your appt goes well xx
Chickpea - I feel your pain hun (hugs).
JuJu, Onestep - I have everything crossed for you both. Its way too early to tell so try as much as possible and relax. You are both PUPO and thats all that matters right now.
LW78 - I hope you and DH are doing ok. I think that you are doing the right thing making this plan but be kind to yourself, make some time for the two of you too, outside of this world of pain, and try not to have that pressure in your mind that you must have your lightbulb moment as of yesterday.
Sillysausage - I am so sorry honey, I hope the nurse consultation goes well. Will they tell you the next plans??
Primmer -Good luck with your GP appt, they should refer you and I would strongly push for that. You have been ttc for 2 years, usually they refer to specialist after 1 year but they have to do these initial tests before they can send you on. Fingers crossed and be strong !
QQ - I had a strange dream the other night. It was about your virtual self. I logged on to the forum and there was a post from you (your name kept flashing in my dream) and you had posted that you were 6 weeks pregnant !!!

Sorry if I have missed anything, hope everyone else is doing good and welcome any newbies - I am sorry your here but its a nice supportive bunch so welcome and lets hope your stay is short.


So my latest is..... CD3 - as expected, unfortunately !
xx

mokba43

chickpea wrote: »

I couldn't do that, you must need a lot of strength. Good luck to you - how long have you been TTC? (sorry if you've already posted all that and I missed it!)

Hi there, been ttc for 18 months, have been working with kiddies for a long long time.
This time is the hardest, my girls are just so beautiful, intelligent and loving, on a good day i think i hope my babies are just like them. On a bad day just looking at them makes me cry.

Lately i just seem to get bad days

Murray

I'm in the 2ww too & love the sound of a bender! I'll take a large G&T in 10 days time please x

Big hugs to Chickpea, Staffiecat, Juju & anyone else who's had a carp day!

Primmer

StaffieCat - thanks for the advice and hugs for the conversation at work, some people just don't think do they! I am glad that I am not the only one who says positive things out loud when hearing such news but also has a negative conversation in your own head at the same time!

As I am in the 2ww, I will have a virtual mojito please

Hugs to all those in the 2ww

mokba43

I think today i deserve a double Tequila Sunrise por favor!

chickpea

Good morning ladies!

Sorry yr work colleagues gave you one of those conversations, Staffie. I just grimace and escape whenever people tell me one of those delightful, happy stories of other people's pregnancies.

++++++++++

I was hoping snow would give plausible cover for hiding under the duvet today, but not to be - pathetic damp inch of snow out there!

++++++++

So I went to the clinic for a baseline scan yesterday morning at 0830. It was CD14 yesterday - and - given the OPKs indicate I usually ovulate late - anytime between CD16-20 - I was a bit surprised that the scan showed a burst follicle surrounded by free fluid - meaning I may have OV'd minutes beforehand! Luckily we had DTD the night before, and also last night. So if it's a no this month, it's not because we timed it wrong!

So I'm joining everyone else that's in the 2ww in the waiting lounge. You can line up a pint of frosty margarita for me. Oh yes, I know how to party!

Primmer

Chickpea - fingers crossed for the well-timed bding.

I saw my gp this morning and she is going to refer me to the fertility clinic for further tests. She couldn't print off the paperwork for the referral as the computer system crashed so will have to go back to pick it up which will probably be Monday now as won't finish work in time tonight to pick it up. The gp also asked me to make appointment with a nurse at the surgery for a swab to be taken but could make the appointment due to computer crash. I will try to call them later to see if system back up and running.

countrybum

Fingers, toes and everything possible crossed for those in the 2ww

Chickpea...hope the bd was perfectly timed!!

Glad you've got the ball rolling Primmer.

Just wondering how your relationships are coping with all this? How are your OH's 'coping' with it all? TBH, I'm finding it a bit difficult at the moment, feel a bit like we're in limbo. We're back at the FS on Tuesday, not really sure what to expect (had 4months of clomid without sucess). I think because I'm anxious about it, we've been bickering(sp?) and I've been snapping at my OH a lot (not like us at all). Have any of you felt like this? I think at the back of my mind I'm worrying if we go down the IVF route, will we cope?
Sorry for the ramble, just need to get it off my chest!!!
thanks all
xx

jujugaboo

I think all couples deal with this in different ways. Its doesn't help with all the drugs are making you hormonal. My OH doesn't say much we don't talk about it often and when we do we are very direct and to the point. He says its a numbers game and hoping that are number is coming up. Its hard not to be distant or argue about stuff when so much else is going on.

I have had a few cramps the last fews days and I am hoping this is good sign of implantation and not AF getting ready. I still trying to remain positive. I have a job interview on Monday which should do wonders for my stress levels. I didn't really want to think about work until I know the result but kinda have to go as I didn't want to pee the agency off as I might need them on my side if its a negitive (of course it won't be). It will be my first interview in 12 years.

Hope everyone is coping in their 2ww