The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

liloandstitch

Morning everyone, hope you are all well! No change here, still waiting my final med checks.

Good luck with the smear today Shelly - I assume it is similar to the ones pre-op? and I hope you get your results quickly for the reassurance you need.

Hugs, Lilo

MadMac_2

Hi everybody, looks like it has been a quiet day here today. Just wanted to say hi and see if I had missed anything...

Shelly, hope your smear went well and you aren't feeling too traumatised this evening.

Lilo, how are you doing now? Gearing up to start again I trust! Hope those final checks come soon!

liloandstitch

Thanks madmac, cant wait. I am a bit in a depressed state at the mo tho, I have to admit - I so desperately want another baba, but tbh am really scared about this as well. I am soooooo broody, and am a bit on a hate thing about anyone pregnant at the mo (graduates of this thread excepted of course!) which is a bit silly - so I really must get myself under control and start thinking straight!!

lilo

MadMac_2

Ah, join the ever extending club Lilo! I await my first to come along (any time! or when you're ready please!) and feel like that so very much at the moment, but also try to give myself a good talking to and keep things in proportion. So much easier said than done! Hang in there, you'll soon be up and running again, x

shelly

Morning ladies. Thanks for thinking of me yesterday.

Smear went fine but I was very nervous on the journey to Cambridge. 6 months between smears seems way too long to me and I know that feeling is wholly down to having had cancer but I can't help getting nervous.
Consultant said results are due in 2 weeks or so so that's good. Then he told me that if these results come back clear he won't see me for a year!!! Now that really does seem like way too far away He said it all looks and feels fine in there so he isn't worried about anything at all.

Lilo the smears I have are the same ones we have at 3 yearly intervals. They are no different at all.


We also talked a bit about the weight loss that I haven't yet really started on. He said I have a typical 'cancer survivor syndrome' thing going on where I am in the vicious circle of wanting to get pg because I obviously want a baby but just being so grateful to be here that I am taking life as it comes but then wanting a baby...to being grateful to be here...to wanting a baby....etc etc

He said I might find therapy/counselling helps to break the vicious cycle of thoughts and actually get my butt in gear to do something about it.
Hubby and I talked on the way home and I said that maybe my desire to be a Mum has been dampened by the overwhelming feelings I have regarding still being here. He said I am just too lazy to get some exercise
I know how lucky I am given how aggressive the cancer was and I know that I should grab this second chance with both hands and do everything in my power to make the most of it but there is just something inside me that stops me.
I think most of it is the fear of losing a pg again. If I stay fat my chances of getting pg naturally aren't great so then I don't have the chance of losing again.
If I lose the weight my chances of getting pg naturally go up dramatically but then obviously once pg the chance of losing again is always in my mind. Also the risks associated with the surgery I have had mean I could lose a baby well into the pregnancy and that REALLY scares me.
I also know I could get pg again and everything goes fine but I am so frightened of it failing again.

Most of the time my problem isn't really what I eat or even the amount I eat, its that I get virtually no exercise. We have equipment here to help me with that (hubby works out at home alot) so I really have no excuse. Its just working up the enthusiasm to get off my butt and devote a few hours a week to getting some exercise.

Wow, that turned into a long one.....I think that's the most I have said on this thread in a long time :rotfl:

sarahs999

Hi Shelly. I'm glad the smear wasn't too bad and that it's looking OK - good luck for the results.

I totally empathise with your situation. I too need to lose some weight and am constantly baffled by my failure to do so properly, and like you I think thre's a deep-seated bed of conflict going on in there.

I think you have to get over the fear of another loss by looking at it this way - your fear of losing will never go away, it's only natural. But you have to feel the fear and do it anyway, as that cliched book likes to tell us. Which is worse - to feel the fear, try again and then to lose one, or to grow old never having tried and wondering for the rest of your life what might have been? That's the only way I can come to terms with trying again - I want to have another little person in my life, I cannot imagine growing old without a bigger family round me, and I am going to do everything I can to make it happen. Fear and challenges come as part and parcel of all that.

Hope you don't see me as lecturing. I haven't had cancer so I can't empathise there, but I know plenty about losing babies. Best of luck.

sarahs999

Has anyone here had an HSG? I think they're a bit like lap and dye; they don't sound too nice. I've got one booked for September 7 and am pretty scared. I have a long history of gynae trauma and even smears can leave me in tears....

shelly

Thanks sarah for your post. (didn't see it as a lecture at all )

I so do not want to get old and wonder what if, that's not me at all but I am just struggling to get out of this mind set at the moment.

I watch the Cow & Gate advert with the giggly babies and just know that's how a child of ours would be as I am a giggly person too :rotfl:
It makes me want to get on the treadmill and walk a few miles to get the weight loss started but then I always think...I'll start tomorrow

I have to seriously think about how I am spending my days and make time 3-4 times a week for a fitness routine. Apart from helping to get pg losing weight will help my already protesting joints

shelly

sarahs999 wrote: »

Has anyone here had an HSG? I think they're a bit like lap and dye; they don't sound too nice. I've got one booked for September 7 and am pretty scared. I have a long history of gynae trauma and even smears can leave me in tears....

I have had 2. They aren't too bad but its nice to know what to expect.
I have copied & pasted the following from a previous post I made.....

You are laid down and a speculum is inserted. Then a fine plastic tube is inserted into the cervix which goes just inside the womb (this might be a little uncomfortable) Then a contrast dye is put into your womb through the tube. For me this was painful (the doc said its normal for it to sting) and as it goes in and flows into your tubes an xray is being taken.

Its over in a minute or 2 and you are sat upright again. As you sit up the dye can come out and can be messy so I advise to sit for a few seconds. I didn't know this the first time but the second time I went fully prepared
I was given tissues and had a sanitary towel already in my knicks. After getting dressed I went to the loo and cleaned up a bit.
I took with me spare pads, (quite alot comes out and the hospital I went to is an hour away) and wet wipes.

I had a little spotting afterwards because the tube can irritate the cervix and had just a dull tummy ache, like mild period pain but that went away in a day or 2.
I had my results straightaway but don't know if that's the case everywhere.



Please note that the above is just MY experience and like anything else it can vary from woman to woman.
Best of luck yours goes ok .

sarahs999

Thanks Shelly, Knowledge is power and all that....

OK. Go and get on that treadmill now. DO it for 10 minutes walking. Then feel happy with yourself. DO NOT put it off until tomorrow. Make it your 'first thing in the morning thing' and gradually build it up.

Come on, it's at home, you can get it over with quickly (what else were you going to do in the next 10 minutes, apart from read more MSE?!). GO!