The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Part_Mouse

Tea thanks for the link, how very sad for her will keep her in my thoughts.

Chickpea huge hugs to you to, sounds like a couple of weeks off would do you good.

emmaj30

Went today for second appointment. Day three bloods are all good, normal chmalydia swab and rubella cool. Next choice was X-ray tubes or get a general anaestic (spell) with key hole camera to see tubes. I have had to go for second one as even though not keen on doing such an invasive procedure that was the consultants advice. Have pelvic transvaginal scan next Sunday . Next stage after op will be ivf with couple of months wait. Fingers crossed all ok with everything.

I don't ever dream that I will be successful in this but I like to know the possibility is there xx good luck to everyone at each and every stage of ttc!! Xx:rotfl:

teaandcakeordeath

Thanks Chickpea. It sounds stupid- I've never had a sniff of a pregnancy let alone a m/c so most of the time I sit here beating myself up that I feel so crap. I hope the next train sods right off- my life resembles an Eastenders Christmas special as it is! We all deserve the best of luck.

T2D. I'm 30 next week. I'm not bothered so much about getting older and everyone yabbering on about my 'big' birthday. I'm more bothered that back in 2011 I truly believed I'd be a mum by 30. Now I don't think I'll ever get there. Happy birthday anyway though!

I can commiserate with the BFN too- I was 2 days late yesterday so finally relented. My period has a sick sense of humour- everytime without fail that I succumb to a test it arrives within 4 hours....

Elsie37

Hi ladies

After our first fs appointment a few weeks ago have just had an appointment through for the results of our tests. It's 4 weeks away yet though! Hate all this waiting around!

Have also got to make an appointment for a HSG once af starts (which I think will be today or tomorrow based on cramps I'm getting). Bit nervous about this.

Hugs to everyone having a rubbish time on this ttc journey - it really is s*%t!!

xx

SewIt_2

Someone said I could come on here and have a rant, so I'm going to do just that!

My period arrived yesterday, day 19! What is going on? I phoned my clinic to see if this was normal for the second cycle after a failed IVF and they didn't phone me back. Raging! its like all they want is your money and then after its done, they don't care! Going to try again today, as I am very freaked out, normally I'm a very regular 24-28 day cycle so this is the earliest its ever been.

Also, I called the admin department of my clinic to request a copy of my notes, as I would like a second opinion from another clinic before we make a decision to go again. Apparently I have to call the 'legal aspects dept' which every time I call, rings out with no answering machine! Its my notes, for my treatment, on my body which I paid for!! :mad:

I guess all the bad period hormones are making me a bit crazy, and just when I thought I was managing to cope with this sh&%y infertility thing, I get knocked for six again. Will it ever end??

Sorry for the rant ladies, sometimes it all just gets too much and feels like crap!

Elsie37 - good luck for your apt, hope all goes well! x

TACOD - I know how you feel, if you told me two years ago that in 2013 I wouldn't even have been pregnant or had a baby I would have laughed in your face! It really sucks, hugs to you xx

EmmaJ30 - good luck when your cycle comes around! x

Chickpea - take all the time you need, like to said to someone else, you are the priority right now. take care x

TeaLover - thanks for the link to the blog, sad news at the moment for her though. Hope you are doing ok today x

lucyloo77

I have literally been to hell and back in the last 24 hours. So 15 eggs retrieved at EC on Weds. 12 of them were mature. 7 fertilised. HOWEVER yesterday the embryologist phoned me to tell me the uncomprehendable news that when she was perfoming the ICSI the equipment failed and basically the eggs/embryos were significantly overheated. Meaning that the fertilisation/development/chances of success are seriously compromised. Due to "technical error" as she put it. I had several conversations with her yesterday and she asked for us to come into the clinic this morning for a meeting with her and the professor (the top bod at the clinic).

I utterly fell apart yesterday. Couldn't eat or sleep or stop crying. I have literally never felt anything like it. You put your trust in the clinic and put so much into a cycle and give it everything you've got, and the lab lets you down. They said this has never ever happened before. They were extremely apologetic.

So we went in this morning for the meeting with the professor and the embryologist. They are investigating matters to try and find out what went wrong and have reported the incident to the authority. What they didn't explain to me yesterday is that it was just the first 8 eggs that were affected. They then realised the temperature problem, and the 4 other eggs weren't exposed to the overheating. I'm so angry that this wasn't made clear to me yesterday, as the picture put to me then was much, much worse. I was literally distraught, you never imagine something like this could happen.

3 of the overheated batch fertilised. However they are massively compromised by what happened. The 4 that weren't overheated also fertilised. As things stand they are looking to do a 3 day transfer tomorrow morning. If this cycle does not have an ultimately succesful outcome then the clinic have said we can have a further cycle for no charge, as they will not be able to say that the cycle failure was not because of the lab errors.

This has caused me to be unbelievable stressed, I feel in no way prepared for ET tomorrow. I feel emotionally wrecked. For 24 hours I have thought that their error had completely ruined my chances after everything I've gone throught to get to this point (as they had not explained to me that 4 were actually not overheated). So I also now am worried about all this stress and upset having an effect on the chances of this working.

I feel utterly exhausted and done in. I cannot believe this has happened.

Nicki

What a dreadful day Lucyloo.

Are you able to take time off today and do as much as you can to bring your stress levels under control? Maybe a massage, lunch with a sympathetic friend, an evening out to cinema or theatre to keep your mind occupied?

Your 4 embies are clearly lucky ones in that they avoided the catastrophe, so try and look on it this way, and that they are meant to be your children, rather than focussing too much on the others if you can.

lucyloo77

Thanks Nicki. I'm off work today anyway, so trying to relax but finding it very hard to get my head around it all. My mum's coming over this afternoon.

They are also continuing to develop the 3 over-heated but fertilised ones, to see what happens. They had divided by this morning. They said that if we have a 3 day transfer tomorrow and the other embryos make it to 5day blasts on Monday then we can freeze them, although obviously whether they would continue to develop / impant (if they even make it that far) is a different matter - they say at the moment they just don't know what will happen to them.

time2deal

Gosh Lucy - what a stressful day. Unbelievable.

Bearing in mind how you feel, would it be worth freezing all three and do a fet next month. I know its more waiting, but mentally and physically you could be in a better place. Don't underestimate how stress can effect you physically and mentally.

FETs can have higher success rates as you body hasn't been so messed with and you are more prepared. Especially as now you can relax slightly knowing this isn't your only chance, the clinic will give you a free cycle if it doesn't work.

Massive hugs. I know how bad bad days can be, but you've made it through the worst. Go listen to Kelly Clarksons 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' song. I used to listen to it all the time and allow myself a little selfpitying cry.

Floaty

Oh lucy what a nightmare.

You can be strong through this and you can control how stressed you feel. Nownis the time for cool calm and collected. You can and will follow up with investigation and complaint later, when you are ready. Be selfish and self absorbed and look forward not back. They will be treating you extra carefully from now on, so rest easy for now.

We'll all be crossing our fingers for your et tomorrow. Just focus chick, you can do this xxxx