The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

Yay lucy!! I'm over-excited now :j:j. I shouldn't be this interested in when internet strangers are having internal scans should I??

Thanks for all the thoughts ladies, it's always great to hear other ideas. You know what it's like, you just go round in circles in your own head.

My initial thoughts are also to just do the egg-sharing cycle. But I'm not sure I can go through all of that again if there's absolutely no chance of it working. I know it's never guaranteed of course (far from it) but it's a lot to go through if we basically have no functioning sperm.

The age-limit for sharing was 35, which I'll be at the end of Jan. However, I have no idea how it works with regards to waiting/matching etc. Last cycle (NHS) there was no waiting list at all, we just said we were ready and started at next AF. If you're sharing do you need to watch for a matching recipient? Or is the waiting just from the receiving end, and we just go ahead as before - iyswim.

I'm more than happy with the idea of sharing, and it would save us a lot of money. We get the standard IVF free, and just pay for the additional ICSI costs (approx. £500) and any additional drugs over the standard package.

But I don't want to rush into the next cycle just to beat the age-limit, if it would be better to wait and get the sperm results first. Looking at the classification of the embryos they were pretty rubbish (poor little things lol) - is there any point trying again if that's as far as we can get with the raw materials on offer.

Sorry, this post seems to have turned into a stream of consciousness .

TeamLowe

sorry to de-lurk just to be a debbie downer and feel free to ignore me as what the hell do i know.

and firstly, I'm really sorry that the test didn't work out, that does completely suck.

...but if i was you tea, I wouldn't do it, not unless they could find normal sperm on the day. most early miscarriages are due to chromosonal abnormalities, which can come from problems in the sperm or the egg, and whilst yes you could make an embryo and yes you could get a positive pregnancy test, that doesn't mean you'll get a baby in your arms at the end of it.
and having felt the pain and grief of a miscarraige, which must be so much worse if it's the consequence of treatment, I really don't think I'd be able to go through with a cycle knowing that something wasn't right from the beginning

I have no answers and you probably hate me for posting this considering my position and that i've not idea how this feels for you. but i still consider you all dear friends and i hope you take this post in the loving, concerned spirit it's intended

tea_lover

TeamLowe wrote: »

i hope you take this post in the loving, concerned spirit it's intended

Absolutely! I completely see where you're coming from, and thank you so much for being concerned enough to post xx.

TeamLowe wrote: »

...but if i was you tea, I wouldn't do it, not unless they could find normal sperm on the day. most early miscarriages are due to chromosonal abnormalities, which can come from problems in the sperm or the egg, and whilst yes you could make an embryo and yes you could get a positive pregnancy test, that doesn't mean you'll get a baby in your arms at the end of it.
and having felt the pain and grief of a miscarraige, which must be so much worse if it's the consequence of treatment, I really don't think I'd be able to go through with a cycle knowing that something wasn't right from the beginning

This is totally what I'm thinking at the moment, you've just put it far more clearly than my muddled head was managing. The results we had from the ICSI sample were by far the most detailed and tbh they didn't make good reading at all. Yes we got embryos, but the fertilisation rate was poor and the ones that made it to blast were clearly doomed from the start (CC/CG). If that's going to be the outcome of further treatment then I don't see there's any point to it.

The m/c after IVF was the most heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know if I can face that again.

Part of me is also thinking - what if we did somehow 'force' a dodgy sperm to make an embryo, and then somehow managed to get the embryo to hang on in there. Surely that gives us a much higher rate of health issues for the child? Don't get me wrong, if I gave birth to a disabled child we would cope, without a doubt. We'll still be trying naturally and obviously that's always a risk - but to force something this hard just seems to be almost asking for trouble, iyswim.

The whole point of this process has to be for the benefit of the child, not the benefit of myself and OH. However much we'd love to be parents, maybe it would be fairer on any child we could create with our existing genetic material if we didn't push things that hard. There's a reason (genetically) why we can't create an embryo without a team of scientists involved - maybe we should accept that.

Obviously this is all just rambling thoughts for myself and OH - I really hope I'm not offending other people having IVF!

ETA: teamlowe, I wish you all the very, very best and am so looking forward to your birth announcement in feb xx.

frozenpenguin

time2deal – thank you for adding me to the list! No I haven’treally posted much on the other forum, I think I might have said a couple of things when we first started trying but (and I know it sounds horrible) there’s just a bit too much happiness on there!

tea lover – so sorry to hear your news. Hugs and best wishesx

Any other Clomid ladies – for info, I haven’t been monitored a lot apart from a Day 21 blood test during cycle 1 and cycle 2. They want me to stay on Clomid for another 3 months before starting the IVF process but they haven’t offered me any sort of monitoring for those 3 months. We're with the normal NHS funded clinic (which I why I assume they haven't offered me anything). Currently on CD10 and giving the SMEP plan a go this month (anything's worth a try!) although there's always that nagging voice in the back of your head saying it won't work...

Keeping all fingers crossed anyway :-) and sending best wishes to everyone else x

Primmer

Tea - sending huge hugs. It's hard to know what to do isn't it. Can you call the clinic and ask them if you can speak to a nurse or doctor for advice. I really understand why you don't want to rush into another treatment if the chances are its not going to be successful as you don't want to go through all of that again. The clinic I went to I found were really straight talking and I think that whilst some of what they said was hard to hear but I like to have all them facts. Really wish at times like this we could see into the future as that would be so helpful x

Rowingirl

Hi I'm a newbie who's followed this thread for a while but would like to join please.

Our history: OH & I have been TTC#1 since March 2011. Regular cycles, no chronic illnesses, blood tests, SA, HSG & hysterscopy all came back normal. GP diagnosed unexplained infertility and advised us to relax & keep TTC'ing; she's not prescribed any fertility drugs.
I'm very frustrated & confused as I have no answers but grateful no major problems have been found. I don't where to go from here.

Tea - I'm so sorry to here about the DNA frag test.

TeamLowe

Thanks Tea I hope you find your answers soon to what your path will be x

fluffnutter

Rowingirl wrote: »

Hi I'm a newbie who's followed this thread for a while but would like to join please.

Our history: OH & I have been TTC#1 since March 2011. Regular cycles, no chronic illnesses, blood tests, SA, HSG & hysterscopy all came back normal. GP diagnosed unexplained infertility and advised us to relax & keep TTC'ing; she's not prescribed any fertility drugs.
I'm very frustrated & confused as I have no answers but grateful no major problems have been found. I don't where to go from here.

Tea - I'm so sorry to here about the DNA frag test.

How old are you?

fluffnutter

tea_lover wrote: »

Part of me is also thinking - what if we did somehow 'force' a dodgy sperm to make an embryo, and then somehow managed to get the embryo to hang on in there. Surely that gives us a much higher rate of health issues for the child? Don't get me wrong, if I gave birth to a disabled child we would cope, without a doubt. We'll still be trying naturally and obviously that's always a risk - but to force something this hard just seems to be almost asking for trouble, iyswim.

I think that. I haven't used contraception for years and I'm not about to start now. I gave up on thinking I'd ever have my own child a while ago and I'm now relying on science to do it for me. I do wonder what would happen if I fell pregnant naturally. I suspect I'd miscarry but if I didn't? Would my pathetic ancient dried out husks actually create a healthy baby? I wonder if I'm taking a stupid risk. I'd be overjoyed to fall pregnant naturally. But devastated if I miscarried.

Rowingirl

fluffnutter wrote: »

How old are you?

I'm 30 and my OH is 37