The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

teaandcakeordeath

Rowin. Why do you have to wait 3 years? Are you in England/ under NHS?

teaandcakeordeath

If you are in England you should definitely read the NICE guidelines that Whattodonow mentioned. The link is here:
http://publications.nice.org.uk/fertility-cg156/recommendations

A couple of points seem applicable to you just skim reading it:
1.8.1.3 Advise women with unexplained infertility who are having regular unprotected sexual intercourse to try to conceive for a total of 2 years (this can include up to 1 year before their fertility investigations) before IVF will be considered. [new 2013]

1.8.1.4 Offer IVF treatment (see recommendations 1.11.1.3–4) to women with unexplained infertility who have not conceived after 2 years (this can include up to 1 year before their fertility investigations) of regular unprotected sexual intercourse. [new 2013]

If I were you I'd be marching into my GPs with the NICE guidelines and demanding a referral!

Whattodonow- are you under Hewitt centre? If so do you think they will give us 3 cycles of IVF in line with the new guidelines? I have 2 cycles under Merseyside PCT... I also heard from my infertility counsellor that EEVA is now free for NHS patients at the Hewitt- I haven't had this confirmed by a doctor but if so it's a saving of £900 per cycle!

Rowingirl

teaandcakeordeath wrote: »

Rowin. Why do you have to wait 3 years? Are you in England/ under NHS?

We live in England and are under the NHS. Our PCT will fund 2 IVF cycles for unexplained infertility after 3 years TTC'ing or after 2 years if there is a recognised cause. Unfortunately the PCT hasn't changed its criteria to align with NICE guidelines. Thanks for the quote I think I will take that with me next Friday and push for some action.

Whattodonow

Rowingirl wrote: »

We live in England and are under the NHS. Our PCT will fund 2 IVF cycles for unexplained infertility after 3 years TTC'ing or after 2 years if there is a recognised cause. Unfortunately the PCT hasn't changed its criteria to align with NICE guidelines. Thanks for the quote I think I will take that with me next Friday and push for some action.

That's rubbish. You do need to push! Esp as it's a long process once you get referred as well. Finger's crossed you get somewhere.

My clinic has not suggested any reason at all. I thought it was low AMH, but tea said the Hewitt Centre are disregarding low AMH now, so I have no clue what's going on. Reg cycles, OH's sperm is fine, so why why why isn't it happening!! Argh!! (CD1 here, can you tell?!)

Tea - I can't find any stats or anything about Hewitt, so hoping to find out more at the patient info evening when we get an invite. I hope we get three goes! Don't know what EEVA is (I am so not clued up about the next step) but will google now. When's your next app?

tea_lover

Aargh, I really need to call the hospital but am wavering madly in what to tell them. Decisions are not my strong point!

We seem to have narrowed it down to 3 (or maybe 4) options:
1. OH gives another sample and we hope there’s enough in it for the DNA frag. test
2. We forget the test and go straight for the egg sharing ICSI cycle
3. We forget it all and just cross our fingers for a miracle
4. Consider adoption – haven’t actually mentioned this to OH yet, think his head might explode

We seem to be stuck in a loop about possible test results – my thinking at the moment is that if we redo the test (enough of a sample to test properly) and the results aren’t great, would that really stop us from trying ICSI again anyway? If it wouldn’t, there isn’t really any point doing the test in the first place, if we’re just going to ignore bad results and give it another go regardless.

OH is saying he’s happy to go along with what I want – which isn’t a great help tbh as I have no idea what I want to do at this stage. He’s also saying that it isn’t fair of him to ‘stop me’ (his words) from doing this so maybe I should be considering using donor sperm on my own.

I really need to call them but haven’t got a clue what to say. Doesn’t help that I’m being seriously messed around by utter muppets at work, I’m sure they’re doing it on purpose!

bigzippy

Does "consider using donor sperm on your own" mean he'd be behind you, supporting you and baby (should you conceive) and treat the child as his own, or was it more a "I shouldn't stand in your way" kind of thing?

Fwiw, I think I'd try for the frag test again. I'd rather have the information, I think.
Eta: could there have been attributing factors to his results, like dehydration and whatnot?

Good luck!

tea_lover

bigzippy wrote: »

or was it more a "I shouldn't stand in your way" kind of thing?

This one. He thinks my best shot is using donor sperm, but that isn't something he's comfortable with (which is completely fair, he can obviously think what he likes about it). So he reckons I'd be better off if we split up and I tried without him.

To be clear, he isn't saying that he wants us to split up, not at all. He's just very clear that he doesn't want to be the reason that I don't have children, as he seems to think one quick go of IVF with donor sperm and I'd be knocked up straight away.

Have spent the morning reading some very dull scientific reports about the DNA test thing and am now definitely veering away from it. It seems to have some limited use in helping to determine which couples could need ICSI. As we already know we need ICSI I'm now wondering what else it could tell us.

Rowingirl

Thanks for the link teaandcakeordeath, I'll definitely take the NICE guidelines to my appointment.

I know the feeling Whattodonow, that's me every CD1; on paper OH & I should have no problems at all and yet after 28 months we've still no nearer being pregnant .

tea - can the hospital give you any advice or opportunity to discuss your options? Or are you put through to the admin team to book an appointment?

tea_lover

Good luck for your next appointment rowingirl. I do usually speak to admin - who are great, but obviously can't always help with clinical stuff. I spoke to a senior andrologist earlier who was really helpful and has put my mind at ease. She said in our case she wasn't sure that the test would really have too much benefit, as our treatment options would still be the same. She said the test can be of use when there's unexplained infertility, but as we already have quite a few not-great SA results, it wouldn't really tell us anything new. She's also going to sort out a refund for us which whilst obv. not a priority right now is certainly helpful.

So now we just (ha!) have to decide about egg sharing. I love the idea of it, but I suppose a part of me is worried about the possibility of future contact, etc. If I never have children, would I be comfortable knowing that a child could potentially contact me in 18 years time? Would I start to feel resentment if my treatment didn't work but the other woman's did? Or if all the mature eggs went to the recipient and I was left with the 'duds'?

Lots to think about - as ever!

Would be really interested in hearing about people's experiences of receiving/donating eggs, if anyone fancied sharing stories/thoughts?

ETA: I'm also not sure if we'd even be suitable for egg donation, as there's a genetic illness in my family. It's complicated but it's something my mum/maternal grandfather/sister have and I don't. I've always been told that as I don't have it I can't pass it on, but I don't know if that would come under some sort of HFEA rule that means I can't donate.

teaandcakeordeath

Tea- if the frag results won't stop you both from trying ICSI again I don't think I would bother. I'd beat myself up with the information it gave me going into ICSI and would heap a load of stress onto myself and OH which would put the IVF at a disadvantage anyway. That's just my 2p worth though...

whattodonow EEVA is a new technique using timelapse cameras and software in the fertilisation incubators. It means embryologists don't have to keep removing them from the incubator to check what they look like and the software predicts/ grades the best embryos with the best chances of developing. Here's a little article and video on it: http://www.itv.com/news/granada/2013-04-18/liverpool-hospitals-ivf-baby-boom/