The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

Code, my OH wasn't too bad until we got his first lot of results back. He's been a d.ick since then tbh. Pretty much refuses to talk about any of it. He just says he's the problem, there's nothing they can do, so why talk about it.

Beyond frustrating.

QQuaver

codemonkey wrote: »

doing it in a cup is a holiday in the Caribbean

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

picklekin

My OH was OK about the SA however he was REALLY secretive about it, almost like he didn't want me to know he'd done it! Kinda cute really, he's a shy guy and I think the thought of me knowing he'd um, done that with a cup was to much for him!

BugglyB

tea_lover wrote: »

12 months?? How did that happen! Fluff, if you don't mind me butting in here, can I ask if you were always open to the idea of donor eggs or if you were resistant at first?

Tbh our best shot lies with donor sperm, but OH won't even consider it right now. Just wondered if other people have been that sure to start with and then changed their minds.

Although I should make it clear of course that he's entitled to think that, and obviously I won't be doing anything we're not both happy with. Just wondered if anyone else had really changed their mind on the donor issue.

FWIW, I'd be perfectly happy to use donor eggs, which makes it even more frustrating that the issue isn't on my side (for once). I'm hoping that us sharing eggs might at least make him think about the donor issue a bit more.

Imho, conception is a pretty insignificant part of parenting - it's the years of hard work, love and commitment that come after it that make you a parent.

Hi tea lover,

Just wanted to add my thoughts here (with love and respect as always) - in our case I am the one who is against the idea of donor sperm, for a few different reasons, even though it would solve all our problems.

I have no 'moral' problem with it, ie I wouldn't judge other people, I just strongly feel its not for me/us. I find it hard to put my finger on why. My husband and I have had many many 'discussions' about it where he has tried to convince me that its a good idea. But I know I'm not going to budge on it, as selfish as that makes me sound/feel.

I entirely agree with the part of your post I have put in bold. However I would urge caution about pursuing this route with someone who isn't enthusiastic about it, even if you do manage to change his mind, you want him to be 100% committed to the idea.

tea_lover

Hi Buggly, hope you're well

Thanks for your thoughts, always nice to hear different perspectives. I totally agree that everyone involved needs to be 100% committed, it just wouldn't work otherwise. As I said initially, he can of course think what he wants and I wouldn't do something we weren't both happy with. It's just interesting to see if other people's thoughts and opinions about this have changed over time, or if people tend to 'stick' with their first impressions.

Birdie85

picklekin wrote: »

My OH was OK about the SA however he was REALLY secretive about it, almost like he didn't want me to know he'd done it! Kinda cute really, he's a shy guy and I think the thought of me knowing he'd um, done that with a cup was to much for him!

My OH was super secretive about his SA too. I knew he had to have it at some point as I made the GP appointment for him to organise it, but he didn't seem comfortable with me knowing about it! We only have 1 car and I'd used it to go to work so rather than ask me if he could use the car one day to get to hospital he had to spent 45 minutes on a bus, walk 15 minutes to the hospital to 'do his business' in the loo and hand his cup in then do the journey back home in time for lunch to act all normal when he saw me! Why?!

He seemed to think that this was the most humiliating experience of his life and he'd been soooo put out by having to do it... he soon changed his mind once I explained just how an internal examination works and my experience with the 'dildo-cam' when I had a scan!

As for the donor thing, I wouldn't have had an issue with using donor eggs or sperm as long as they looked enough like us to not bring up too many questions in the future. OH seemed OK with donor eggs but I think he would have taken some convincing with sperm... although saying that he had started to look at his friends trying to figure out which one he'd rather father his child if he was unable to do so!

fannyanna

It's starting - she's gone into labour.

Prepare yourselves for weeks of endless "Royal Baby" talk!

*rolls eyes*

Yes, I am bitter and jealous

angeltreats

Tea my DH will also not consider a donor if it ever comes to that – but I don’t think I would either. Nor would I want to adopt (even though I am adopted myself). I couldn’t really explain why though.

vseviour

The royal baby thing is doing my head in.

My sister (due 30th) has announced if it's a girl she's going for the one name I asked her back in Feb not to.

I'm CD 52 and the Norethestine hasn't worked after 10 days and it's f* ing up my IVF date, and so also my relocation and job applications.

Not a good day :-(

time2deal

I'm more impacted by this silly baby than I expected. And I'm sure we will get a show and tell tomorrow too. With beaming parents.

I was doing the lists on the other thread last year, and put KMids in jokingly - she announced she was pregnant a few weeks later. Since then I've gotten further away from having a baby, with not much hope on the cards now.

Sigh.. it's feel so hard.

One of the things I hate is how quickly things happen when other people get pregnant. You can be chatting to someone - even on here - then suddenly they get a ticket on the train, and whooosh.... off they go on the train you just can't get on. Maybe I've been at this too long, but it also feels like the baby shows up so quickly, and then of course the next one appears!

And in my life, then the family packs up and moves to Australia.