The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

fluffnutter

mrshappy wrote: »

Hello,
I've been awol for a while, had nothing to say or contribute, so have been keeping quiet. Hi to newbies and mover overers from TTC thread.
Hope everyone is doing okay, I finally have news-we have been matched to an egg donor and are just waiting for her bloods to come back and it will be go go go I'm so excited I keep crying

Fantastic news! I don't know if you know but we used an egg donor and now have our 12 month old baby. Always happy to share my experience - I remember I had a few things to get my head round.

tea_lover

12 months?? How did that happen! Fluff, if you don't mind me butting in here, can I ask if you were always open to the idea of donor eggs or if you were resistant at first?

Tbh our best shot lies with donor sperm, but OH won't even consider it right now. Just wondered if other people have been that sure to start with and then changed their minds.

Although I should make it clear of course that he's entitled to think that, and obviously I won't be doing anything we're not both happy with. Just wondered if anyone else had really changed their mind on the donor issue.

FWIW, I'd be perfectly happy to use donor eggs, which makes it even more frustrating that the issue isn't on my side (for once). I'm hoping that us sharing eggs might at least make him think about the donor issue a bit more.

Imho, conception is a pretty insignificant part of parenting - it's the years of hard work, love and commitment that come after it that make you a parent.

time2deal

My husband was fine with egg donation when we talked about it (as it was on the cards early on if I had to get radiation), but I wonder would he have been the same with sperm donation.

We were at one stage contemplating egg donation, and using a surrogate... if we added in donor sperm, then it starts to get a little silly!!

Part_Mouse

Mrs happy what wonderful news, I hope it all moves along quickly for you.

Onestep sounds very positive for you to.

Tea *hugs* for having a cold in this weather.

xx

bigzippy

Mrshappy, I'm fine thanks 15wks and all is well so far, barring a few Uti's

Onestep excited to hear about your process, we still want to adopt/foster in the future

Tea, apparently cold viruses get in when our nasal passages are dry - which in a heatwave is more difficult to prevent, especially if we don't drink enough... Hope you feel better soon!

*relurks*

Part_Mouse

BZ

Can't belive how far along you are already,wheres the time gone.

xx

mrshappy

Thanks ladies, exciting stuff going on
I'm not really sure what the next steps are, it will be another few weeks before the donors bloods are back, and bearing in mind that mrh carries a CF gene we are really hoping that the donor isn't also a carrier as that would then be a huge risk if we went ahead. I have an appointment on Tuesday so will get to ask all our questions then. I think it will still be a while off as the donor will be starting the whole protocol from scratch, and I have been trying to think how long it took for us, we had appt at start of December and went with January cycle and got BFN at end of Feb, so I'm trying to keep realistic timescales in my head. Will keep you all posted

So pleased everything, apart from UTI's, is going well for you BZ.

Good luck Onestep, glad to see things moving for you.

Thanks Fluffnutter, 12 months? where did the time go I may be back to pick your brains as this goes on

Ah, the whole donor debate I was more than happy to go down the donor egg route, but mrh needed a wee bit of persuasion, he is okay with it now, but it took him a while to get his head round. When donor sperm was discussed it was just a total no go. Fortunately, the PESA got some good swimmers and we are using our own sperm, but it's strange how men are so resistant to donor sperm, whereas I, or maybe women in general are more accepting of donor eggs.

codemonkey

question for you ladies. As you know I have to do CD21 bloods. I'm currently on CD stupid number and haven't had a peak on my opks, but I have had a cm dry up and the opks have gotten fainter. Yesterday I had some bleeding which thought might be CD1 but is gone now. I gave up on temping because it's too hot and I hate it. So do I just wait til this cycle is over and I'm 7dpo on the next one or do I call the dry up ov day and count 7 days from then?

codemonkey

Also has anyone else's OH started being, well, a bit of a Richardhead since the fertility investigations started? My DH will not talk to me about it and made it clear that he thinks I'm being a hysterical drama queen. I tried to talk to him and make him realise in the grand scheme of what they'll do to me, doing it in a cup is a holiday in the Caribbean but whenever I bring it up, he stonewalls me.

onestep

Codemonkey: I'd wait (I know!) until you are 7dpo on the next cycle. If you aren't sure when you ovulated there is just no point going for cd21 bloods.
Men are as a species generally very removed from the nitty gritty of ttc.. Some find it incredibly hard to deal with the idea that they are possibly 'at fault' and retreat to their caves. My best advice is leave him there; get yourself checked out, & then it'll be his turn. If he is committed to wanting a child, then he will have to make the effort at some point. Prodding him when he is stonewalling doesn't help either of you. Pick your battles, as they say