The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

time2deal

p.s. Can I say that I am IN A MOOD today. DH being lazy again, when I had a long hot day yesterday (including a 5k fun run), came home, made dinner, tidied up, but lost the will to empty the dishwasher and transfer the dishes in, so I asked him to do it.

And guess what was still there in the morning! He drives me crazy. I do 99% of all household stuff, plus pay all bills, and he buys the odd thing on the internet, or creates a mess making a meal - leaving me to clean up as he has done one single thing.

time2deal

and I pay for a cleaner every week, so all he needs to do (on his many non-working days) is occasionally look at the laundry basket and think 'oh, that is overflowing, perhaps I could do something about that', or 'that pile of rubbish that has been created as T2D has worked all weekend in the garden could be moved to the front'... but either I make a list (and then I am nagging) or I do it all myself.

grrrrrrrr

codemonkey

Know all about that time2deal. DH has his regular tasks which he is really good at doing but everything else gets left. Apparently the fairies empty and load the dishwasher, put the food in the fridge, clean the bathroom, empty the bins etc. Maddening.

Anyway, I need some advice from you ladies. I give in and I'm going to see my GP tomorrow about fertility issues and the fact that I've had ewcm and almost positive opks for a month but I will also be bringing up the fact that I've managed to gain 3 jeans sizes in 2 months and that I've been off the pill for 3.5 years. I've not had much luck with doctors taking me seriously and usually get fobbed off with "oh that's normal for you. Just the way you are. etc.". Last time I went I was told just to have sex on CD14, despite me pointing out that I ov anywhere from CD18-25 on a "normal" cycle, they were insistent and I just gave up. Doesn't help that I want to cry everytime I talk about this and I'm a horrible cryer and incapable of speaking after I burst into tears. So I'm looking for hints on what to say when I go on and how to make them listen to me. Any advice would be helpful.

Also I think it might be time to join your ranks.

tea_lover

Code - my best advice would be to write things down. That way if you don't feel able to speak when you get in there you can just hand the paper over.

Fwiw, I'd write a brief history. So a few bulletpoints like
1) number of cycles trying
2) length of cycles (I took a spreadsheet lol)
3) how you're determining ovulation
4) anything you've tried eg. vitamins, agnus castus, EPO, etc
5) any tests you or your OH have already had

Then I'd outline the main problem at the moment, ie. what's happening/not happening with this cycle.

Finally, I'd write what I'd like to achieve from this appointment - make sure you come out of there with some idea of a plan.

I think if you can make it clear that a) you know what you're talking about, b) you know what's 'normal' for you and c) you won't be leaving without some help they can be more inclined to listen.

Really hope you get things sorted, and you're welcome over here anytime xx.

good_vibes

Hi all,
*hugs* code, has your OH had his SA yet?

codemonkey

good_vibes wrote: »

Hi all,
*hugs* code, has your OH had his SA yet?

not yet. He doesn't think there's a problem.

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

not yet. He doesn't think there's a problem.

Mine didn't either. Because I've got endo and PCOS he was convinced the problem was on my side. Obviously I hope things are fine for both of you of course, but unless he has 20 children already or something he really can't be sure. But hey, you already know that, it's him that needs convincing right?!

Peonie

codemonkey wrote: »

I've not had much luck with doctors taking me seriously and usually get fobbed off with "oh that's normal for you. Just the way you are. etc.".

Why do they say that?

codemonkey wrote: »

Last time I went I was told just to have sex on CD14, despite me pointing out that I ov anywhere from CD18-25 on a "normal" cycle, they were insistent and I just gave up. Doesn't help that I want to cry everytime I talk about this and I'm a horrible cryer and incapable of speaking after I burst into tears. So I'm looking for hints on what to say when I go on and how to make them listen to me. Any advice would be helpful.

I agree with tea lover, write down all your information so you have it ready. I have an app on my phone to keep track of everything. I would ask to be sent for the different blood tests and ask to be referred to the fertility specialist.

codemonkey

Peonie wrote: »

Why do they say that?


I agree with tea lover, write down all your information so you have it ready. I have an app on my phone to keep track of everything. I would ask to be sent for the different blood tests and ask to be referred to the fertility specialist.

I've been trying to get my doctors (multiple practices) to pay attention to my concerns about my cycle for a long time - took 10 years and 4 GPs to get them to even do a blood test to check why I was producing milk. I had chronic fatigue syndrome when I was in my teens and my mum kept making me go to the doctor and they ran all kinds of tests which were all negative and I'm convinced they've put hypochondriac in my notes. I don't have a very good experience with GPs and have no confidence in them since I was receiving letters calling me for a smear after I'd just had one and mentioned it to my GP who said it was a mistake and to ignore it. It wasn't until I went for my smear 2 years later and the nurse told me off for ignoring the letters because my last smear was abnormal and I should have been getting 6 monthly smears. Thankfully it was ok but when they miss something that obvious you begin to question what else they're missing. It just seems like if they do some basic tests and they come back ok, they don't bother to investigate any further.

I'm actually really nervous about going tomorrow and in a way, feel like a failure. I know that's stupid and I wouldn't feel like a failure if it was any other part of me not working.

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

I'm actually really nervous about going tomorrow and in a way, feel like a failure. I know that's stupid and I wouldn't feel like a failure if it was any other part of me not working.

Totally understand that... and although we know it's silly, it's hard to get yourself out of that mindset once it kicks in. I really hope it all goes ok for you today - is someone going with you?