The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

ginvzt

Ok, a warning - this might bring tears to your eyes, so if you don't want this now, don't read any further!!! I 'borrowed' it from our graduates' thread - notlass found it. It is beautiful.

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbour, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as my own body has betrayed me. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

MadMac_2

Thanks Ginvzt - I had already sneaked a peak at nottslass's original post.

I'll bet you felt just the same as me on first read

meercat71

hi all
Just an update am now into day 7 of 2WW..
I was super lucky last time and we had a BFp after our first try but I'm not so positive this time (not that I was actually positive last time to be honest just lucky). We went in on Monday and the egg that had been doing well on Sunday had slowed down by Monday so they only gave it a 1 in 10 chance of implanting,, still I was sedated (as I have funny tubes which make smears agony) and away we went.
Apologies in advance for TMI (too much info) but has anyone else suffered from really bad constipation from progesterone? I did have it last time but it is 100 times worse..have generally had a horrible week, I get really bunged up with the progesterone and spent 4 hours on Wed night shaking and sweating and had to call the off duty doc last night as I was bleeding (from the bunged up not anything else).. I've been given glycerine suppositories for the short term but if anyone has any tips I'd be so grateful.
had a huge couple of rows with DH and generally don't know what to expect during the 2WW if it's not worked - any clues I can look out for?
sorry to be so miserable ;-(
xx

ginvzt

On constipation: have you tried dried apricots, plums, figs or dates? These always worked for me, although I think plums were the best....

MadMac_2

I have to second Ginvzt, plums work for me too! Make sure you are drinking plenty of fluids, that helps things move around a bit easier and any fruit and veg in volume will be a good thing, x

nichart20

Hi ladies

ginvzt that is so true just wish I knew I my dream would come true

angelavdavies I loved Las Vegas went for honeymoon in August your trip sounds fantastic, I would go back just to see the fountains I got such a relaxed warm feeling watching them.

Meercat really hope your lucky again this time, I would say all bran or weetabix, lots of veg and prune juice

Madmac sounds like we have our fair share or dodgy hospital stories to share :rotfl:

I have been to York Christmas market today and it rained most of the day but it was fun I am just starting to defrost now have brought home chocolate cinder toffee and lots of fudge mmmm

Hope you have all had a good weekend x x

jiblets1

I don't know if it will help with the actual constipation, but I was suffering terribly with trapped wind after my op and I was recommended perpermint oil capsules. They were brill. This may be the exact opposite of what you need, I'm not sure. The chemist would tell you I reckon...

meercat71

bless thanks - sorry for the whole TMI thing... all advice gratefully received..
x

QQuaver

ginvzt wrote: »

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

In my case - I will be a wonderful mother if I was given a chance...

ginvzt

Monday again...
We went to gym yesterday afternoon (I am trying hard to keep going, but my will power for this is not very strong at all). So, I am trying to keep going on with 'couch to 5km' running program, which I restarted two weeks ago. and this morning - my boobs really hurt!!!! What my body is up to - I was trying to run, and didn't do any of other machines, so why it is my boobs, not my legs aching this morning!!!!!

Well, we had a quick chat with OH last night. I told him, that there are days, when I don't believe it is ever going to happen, and he said 'do not lose hope, this is all we have'. There are days, when I am very hopeful, and I believe, that it will happen that month or the next month, or 'one day soon', but other days I don't think it is going to happen ever. I said how mentally exhausting it it. Well, he suggested we look at adoption. I am all for it, but I know we will net even be considered until at least 6 months after any fertility treatments (I know, I have been browsing online for a while now...). So, if nothing happens, in the new year we might as well look into this and start the 'ball rolling'. It was good to talk.

I have my appointment in a month's time, and will see what consultant says about waht can we do next. I will be under NHS for now, so I have no idea how long between appointments it will be. We can do some things privately, but I don't want to blow our savings... I know he is not going to refer us for IVF yet, as last time I saw him, he was talking about some other tests if Clomid doesn't work (what other tests - can anyone shed some light on this?).

So, here we go - we have a few different paths to choose now, and I am going to consider them all carefully.