The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

Oh Primmer that is so unfair! Just another big kick in the stomach. I really hope this is just a minor setback for you and that you get a different response from the next meeting.

If there are this many rules, why isn't someone checking the people who can breed without help?? All the people out there with no money, no jobs, no interest in the children they pop out, no interest in modifying their drinking/smoking/partying lifestyles, no idea that screaming at a 2 year old to !!!!!! isn't good parenting. Why isn't anyone asking these questions to the people who have children then abuse and neglect them? Why is it always us, yet again, who are stuck with the sh.itty end of the stick while everyone else gets what we want :mad:

Rant over *skulks off to hide*

time2deal

oh Primmer - how frustrating. And feels so unfair - you are managing your finances in a perfectly sensible way, but somehow you have to be perfect to even start the adoption road.

So frustrating.

Tea, how are things with you now a little more time has passed? And VK, hope you are coping well too.

AFM - I've just been told by my insurance company that they won't fund any investigation into why my periods have disappeared/become messed up since my operation. They say they don't cover fertility treatment. I'm trying to argue that this isn't fertility treatment, it's dealing with a direct side effect of the cancer and it's treatment. If the side effect was stress, or blood disorder, they would cover it, so why not a hormonal imbalance.

It's frustrating as this is coming from the surgery/cancer, it definitely wasn't an issue before as my cycle was rock solid. Even if it is stress related, then the stress comes from having cancer!

Going back to the NHS is a real pain now. I will have to wait 6 months probably, whereas if I was being referred as a cancer patient it is two weeks. If I was a cancer patient in the NHS already they would treat this, so I don't see why my private people wont. grrr... I'm so grateful I have private insurance (as it was a bit of a fluke that I did) but this is now annoying.

I'm appealing it, and they do seem to be slightly listening, so lets see what happens.

Part_Mouse

Primmer and t2d how unfair for you both, it's not life you haven't had enough to deal with hugs to you both. Xx

time2deal

Can I say, my dramas are pretty minor. It's just administrative frustrations, not a real issue. I'm just venting.

Can I give some positive news?

I'm applying for a visa to move back to Australia (for my husband) and we have passed the relationship test stage. Which is a good sign I guess!! Just some health and police checks, and then a random 8 month wait, but its great to know it's now 99% certain he will get it so we can plan.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with the GP, and I'm going to ask to be put on the NHS IVF waiting list, or at least find out what I need to do. And I am steeling myself to be told I'm too fat, and then to ask for a medical help with weight loss. I'm even going to get the courage to go and join WW - hopefully! I only need to lose 1 stone, I can do it.

DH is even taking the pre-conception mens vitamins everyday now without me nagging. I think that is a major achievement in itself!

My MRI is on the 24th of July, then a follow up with the surgeon on the 15th of August, and assuming I get the all clear I am going to book into IVF. Either NHS or Private depending on which one appears first. I'm feeling like I have a plan, which is good for me.

claire16c

Primer I've always wondered about adoption but I didn't realise they looked into details like that so early on.

How do they even know what debts you hold?

Seems terrible its not like you're living off credit cards so you don't starve or something!

Primmer

Thanks formal your messages, they have helped.

Tea - rant away - i agree with what you say. Hope you doing ok.

T2D - always good to have a plan!!!

Claire - they asked our income and what debts we had but social worker didn't seem concerned. The manager said her concern was paying bills whilst on drop of income during adoption leave but we have enough income to pay them and just so sad that there are children out there that need parents and they hold off on prospective parents just for a bit of debt which isnt an issue :mad:

claire16c

How frustrating.

Is there a parent you could ask to lend you the money so you could clear the debt fast?

Or postpone work on your house until after adoption?

It's ridiculous everyone has a drop in income on maternity leave!!

Nicki

I'm not sure if this helps or not t2d but my private medical insurance at the time covered lack of periods but only if the gynae you were seeing for it was not on their list of fertility specialists. They had a blacklist of gynaes you couldn't use because they worked in settings offering IVF. If the insurance doesn't come through would it be out of the question to self pay?

Good luck with ww. I joined 9 weeks ago and have lost 18lbs so far with almost no effort. It's the first time I've done it and I've been very pleasantly surprised. Have definitely eaten more on their plan than when I have just lost weight on my own.

squ1rrel5

Primmer, thats so rubbish. Who doesn't have debts these days? And surely if you're paying it off regularly then it shouldnt be a big deal. It seems such a stupid little thing to turn you down on. As you say there's so many children born into poverty that a small amount of credit card debt should be seen as an absolute luxury!

I second Claire - is there a parent or friend you could borrow the money from and then pay them back. I know it's not ideal but if it helps...

So sorry you've had to go through all that after your IVF.

cwtw

Primmer that toally sucks! did the manager say no way, or see where you are in Sept? If so, perhaps use it as an opportunity to show that you could continue to pay off the bills and manage on the equivalent income to what you would have on adoption leave. Then you can still use the money you have not spent in those few months towards the credit card bills. You can appeal the managers decision and it is worth maybe drawing up a spreadsheet to show how you could manage financially. I work in this field so please pm me if you think it might be helpful?

T2d sorry about the gynae but it sounds like you're making a great case. They would be foolish to refuse you! Great news about the Oz move, weight loss and possible ivf referral. Got to love a plan!

Nicki congrats on the amazing weight loss. Well done you.