A fresh start

Seaxwyn

Evening all. Hmmm interesting day. My OH is showing signs of accepting the need to get a job. He has sent off for application packs for two jobs which he might just have a chance of getting. Hope so anyway.

Sadly one of OH's brothers died yesterday. This was expected, he has been ill for a long time, but still it is a shock when it happens. So he has had a rare phone conversation with another brother (his twin in fact) during which he mentioned that things are tough here, he is not working, may not be able to afford to get to the funeral, etc etc.

Now the brother has sent an email offering "a helping hand", ie a gift of some cash. We are considering our response. My instinct is not to take it, I like the idea of standing on our own feet and I think things get murky when you borrow money off family.

On the other hand, March is going to be a very tough month and there is no denying "a helping hand" would be useful. I thought maybe we could ask the brother to help with the cost of getting our car through its MOT. That seems like a specific ask which might appeal to him (he is into cars). I don't know what to do. Opinions welcome.

taxi73

Sorry to hear about DHs brothers death.
Well done to DH getting his head around needing a job and for confiding in his brother.
As for the family loan ..that's a tough one.What does DH want to do about it?..it would be good if you both agree on what to do and as long as the person offering can really afford it then I may swallow my pride if it was me.
HTH.

Seaxwyn

Thanks Taxi. I think he wants to take it and he trusts his brother is offering in good faith. I am not so sure, his brother is a prickly character, and I fear he might regret it or it might cause him to look down on us even more than he already does! But one thing I am sure of is that he can afford it.

I think it's for OH to decide really, as the offer was made to him, but I will talk it over and make sure he feels comfortable with whatever he decides.

taxi73

I agree with that ..I think it's the best way forward.A discusssion with DH pointing out your feelings and then him saying his ..then I'm sure you'll come to a deciscion that you are both happy with.

Karmacat

Sorry to hear the news of OH's brother's death, Seaxwyn - I hope the helping hand decision becomes one that you and Oh both feel okay about.

hypno06

Karmacat wrote: »

Sorry to hear the news of OH's brother's death, Seaxwyn - I hope the helping hand decision becomes one that you and Oh both feel okay about.

ditto. I know how you feel - I have been offered money to help out in the past, sometimes we have taken it, on the basis that we repay as quickly as we can (eg my mum lending me the money to help the mortgage transfer go through) and other times we have said, thanks but no thanks, as we have chosen to tough it out.

So, basically, there is no "right" answer, again......wouldn't life be easy if there was! Just talk about it, and let him do what he thinks is the right thing for him. As you say, the offer was made to him, by a member of his family, so it is up to him to make that decision - but as the decision also affects you directly, you do need to make your feelings known.

Good luck x

lucielle

Sorry to hear about OHs brother.
L

Seaxwyn

1st of March and my total debt is only £146.49 less than on 1st Feb. The credit card component is only reduced by £129.01. Still, it is a reduction....

March will see A LOT of outgoings. But I have over £1000 in freelance pay coming in. I hope it will all balance out.

I still have a lot of freelance work coming in, which I am very grateful for. I feel guilty about it as the rule at my new workplace is that you should not do regular work on the side, and I am working loads. But we really wouldn't survive without it.

OH still not working, though he has applied for a couple of things. He seems a bit more upbeat and energised. He is going to phone his brother tonight about his offer. I have expressed my reservations, but he feels OK about accepting, he thinks his brother genuinely wants to help.

hypno06

Yes it IS going down.....you owe less than you did last month.....and in difficult times, that is something to be celebrated!! There will be many people for whom January and February sees treading water. You are doing really well - it may not always seem like it, but you are. Honestly!

Karmacat

Totally - at times like these, its great that its going down. And if work don't want you to do other work - well, sorry, they'll have to pay you more