A fresh start

Seaxwyn

I have suggested he goes to the doctor, and he has agreed in theory, though, as Hypno says, I would have to make the appointment for him.

I don't know what I think about this. I have heard several people say how anti-depressants have helped them to pick themselves up and face the challenges in their life. But I've also read about the over-diagnosis of depression and the dangers of medicalizing a 'normal' condition, and the risks of the drugs themselves. If anyone knows anything about this dilemma I would be very grateful for opinions.

Meanwhile he seems a bit better this weekend. He got up early yesterday and made me a cup of tea, then proceeded to tidy up the garden and jumpstart the car. Today he even offered to help me with the paper round, for the first time ever. I hope this new-found energy will be applied to looking for jobs.

Yesterday I took DD3 and some friends ice-skating as a birthday treat, maybe that was not a wise thing to do but I really don't want the children to miss out too much because of our financial folly. She started secondary school this year so I want to help her cement her new friendships. Anyway, a good time was had by all, despite the terrible rain which meant they were skating on a two-inch deep lake of freezing water. Now I have no 'spare' money til payday on 29 Jan. I am going to sort out more books to sell on Amazon.

kissjenn

Hi Seax,

My OH has congenital glaucoma and spent his lifetime being told he'll go blind "one day". "One day" diagnosis was enough to push him into clinical depression and he has been on and off fluoxetine (generic Prozac) the whole time I've known him. It doesn't cure the depression but helps him find a level where he can function and engage with the world around him. Perversely now that "one day" is here he's finding it easier to cope with than the sword of Damocles that was waiting.

I don't think there is a quick fix but I know from my experience that tough love, making appointments, insisting he takes them, insistence on some degree of family joining in are necessary and hard steps for us. I don't belittle the condition but it's almost harder being the recipient day on day of the behaviour than the one who is detached and not giving two hoots. I've got tougher and now pre-empt the reasons why he can't with reasons why you bl00dy well will. He's done cognative behaviour therapy and is waiting for another appointment - they've told him it could be 18 months. He's not hooked on the pills in any way, they simply help iron out the troughs (no peaks ) a bit.

I don't in all honesty think he'll ever work again but he's doing an OU course which is forcing him to discover other ways to interact with the world. Even having him interested and engaged with something is better than the listless blob he'd become. He's started cooking the dinner each night and we just step round the carnage that is the kitchen.

I don't know if that's of any help but for me it would be get him to a functioning state where he wants to be part of the family again, ignore all the naysayers who tell he'll be a functioning junckie by next week and know that you're not alone in all of this.

KJ x

Seaxwyn

Thank you kissjenn, that is really helpful.

It's been another goodish day, in that he helped me sort stuff to take to the dump and to scan some photos. I'll talk to him about depression and the option of going to the doctor. He is a difficult case in that he is not your classic depressive person, he is quite active and engaged in some ways, he is more of a bl**dy-minded, passive aggressive "I won't do what you want me to" type.

Anyway..... a busy and productive day here. The kids have decided to swap bedrooms and DD1, who is the biggest clutter-gathererer, has done a huge amount of clearing out as a first stage. Unfortunately this has revealed the sinister crack in an external wall that we were ignoring, ostrich-fashion, while it was concealed by her stuff!

hypno06

Seaxwyn wrote: »

, he is more of a bl**dy-minded, passive aggressive "I won't do what you want me to" type.

Sorry, am confused here.......are we talking about your husband or mine :rotfl:

Seaxwyn

Do you think we married identical twins? Or perhaps triplets, as Sarah Needle's husband is another chip off the block.

Money and OH aside, it's been a good day. I have done a satisfying amount of tidying, and dealt with a lot of paperwork that had been piling up (not money related) AND scanned a lot of old family photos. And DD1 has transformed her bedroom into a comfy bedroom for two and DS has moved in with her. The other two DDs are swapping rooms so it's all change for everyone and I hope it will be a good new start. DD3 and DS have been sharing up til now but they both hated that arrangement.

hypno06

Sounds like an excellent day - chaotic, perhaps, but excellent!!

SarahNeedle1872

Seaxwyn wrote: »

Do you think we married identical twins? Or perhaps triplets, as Sarah Needle's husband is another chip off the block.

Money and OH aside, it's been a good day. I have done a satisfying amount of tidying, and dealt with a lot of paperwork that had been piling up (not money related) AND scanned a lot of old family photos. And DD1 has transformed her bedroom into a comfy bedroom for two and DS has moved in with her. The other two DDs are swapping rooms so it's all change for everyone and I hope it will be a good new start. DD3 and DS have been sharing up til now but they both hated that arrangement.

Hey!! I do read this thread you know!!:rotfl: You are, of course, correct

Sx

Seaxwyn

SarahNeedle1872 wrote: »

Hey!! I do read this thread you know!!:rotfl: You are, of course, correct

Sx

Except that your OH has had an epiphany and is transformed! I hope the epiphany has lasted?

SarahNeedle1872

Its a very slow epiphany.... but yeah, its still going

Seaxwyn

SarahNeedle1872 wrote: »

Its a very slow epiphany.... but yeah, its still going

Hooray :T:T:T Long may it last.
I don't want to speak too soon, but I think my OH has turned a corner too.