what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

SusanC_2

Another thing which occurred to me on the lodger thing is that if you have the room for a lodger then downsizing is potentially an option too. (Not saying people should do it - just that it's another way of improving finances.)

debtfreein4years

Using hand me downs and charity shops rather than buy new

Its already been decided that I need to be a sahm as oh works away for 4 months at a time. We share a car, dont have a dishwasher and dont really spend much on luxuries prefering to save as much as we can for a house deposit. When we do have a baby it has been decided that we are going to try breastfeeding first, using terry nappies and no foreign holidays until the child is old enough to appreciate/remember them. Our car is also not going to be replaced until it starts costing money to fix, but we think we should be able to keep it for at least another 5 years as it is only 3 years old.

At the moment we are saving as much as we can to build a big enough deposit so that we can have as small a mortgage as possible. Oh earns a decent salary but wants to be promoted before we try for a baby and I want to loose some weight as well.

OrkneyStar

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pinkshoes wrote: »

As much as I love and want kids, I also love my career, so I've done the sensible thing, worked hard, climbed the career ladder, and have set aside £15k in the last 5 years so that when I do have kids, I can do both being a mother AND work, because I'll be able to afford to drop down to a 3 day week for 3 years.

The thought of being a SAHM terrifies me - I'm sure I'd get bored!

You won't have time to get bored!

galvanizersbaby

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OrkneyStar wrote: »

You won't have time to get bored!

I'm not sure that was the case for me - DS (my first) was what you might call an easy baby - I used to go to some of the baby groups but tbh it wasn't really my scene and I found I had little in common with the other mothers there (we lived in an area where there were a lot of young mums and at the ripe old age of 29 I was considered old) DS usually fell asleep so he wasn't much help with the social aspect
Also I didn't drive at the time so it wasn't easy to get about - I did make some friends with other mums but I'm sure if I'd had a better social mother/baby network things I may have got less bored/motivated.

I am not convinced I would have made a very good SAHM - I can remember wondering what on earth I was going to fill my day with and wishing the hours away which was pretty depressing - no doubt would have been improved as DS got older and more active.

During my maternity leave I ended up ebaying for England and myself and my sister would go to outlet stores and buy up stock from Gap/Monsoon etc then list it all and usually sell it the same day - we made loads of money which was useful

OrkneyStar

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galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I'm not sure that was the case for me - DS (my first) was what you might call an easy baby - I used to go to some of the baby groups but tbh it wasn't really my scene and I found I had little in common with the other mothers there (we lived in an area where there were a lot of young mums and at the ripe old age of 29 I was considered old) DS usually fell asleep so he wasn't much help with the social aspect
Also I didn't drive at the time so it wasn't easy to get about - I did make some friends with other mums but I'm sure if I'd had a better social mother/baby network things I may have got less bored/motivated.

I am not convinced I would have made a very good SAHM - I can remember wondering what on earth I was going to fill my day with and wishing the hours away which was pretty depressing - no doubt would have been improved as DS got older and more active.

During my maternity leave I ended up ebaying for England and myself and my sister would go to outlet stores and buy up stock from Gap/Monsoon etc then list it all and usually sell it the same day - we made loads of money which was useful

Fair points. DS was a good baby too, but now he is a busy toddler! When he was wee I found that breastfeeding him took up time/energy.
I just find that at the moment I am kept busy with housework/laundry, entertaining DS at home, out on walks around the place and at toddler group (did not used to go but I find it great for him and thankfully there is a good mix of mums at ours!), doing online surveys, sorting out finances, meal planning, cooking, baking, a little time on MSE (;)).
I also suffer from a recurring lower back problem so sometimes am forced to also spend time doing my physio exercises etc.
Again, whatever works for you.

emlou2009

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Sami_Bee wrote: »

also I wanted to point out that those speculating about CTC Vs wages are correct My OH earns around £23Kpa and my wage was £12.7kpa which has put us in the not worth me going back to work group

we fit in there too - oh earns 15k and i earn(t) 15k which means we cant get any help to stay at home, minimal help with childcare and even if i go back to work full time we wont have as much money as we do now with me on maternity allowance once tax and childcare is paid for...

emlou2009

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galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I am not convinced I would have made a very good SAHM - I can remember wondering what on earth I was going to fill my day with and wishing the hours away which was pretty depressing - no doubt would have been improved as DS got older and more active.

i do that i find myself counting down the hours til OH gets home more or less as soon as he gets out the door, and counting the days til his next day off straight after he finishes one

money_saving_diva

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Hi I am a SAHM and we wouldn't have it any other way. It is a personal choice and I don't want to judge anyone.
All the descisions we have made since we met (9 years before we had a child) were made with having a family and me being a SAHM parent in mind. We bought our family home so it was big enough for the family we intend to have but made sure the morgatage payments could be made with just one wage. We were both on good wages and so our income has dramatically decreased since I gave up work but we cope on OH wage and have adjusted our lives accordingly. We want our children to have me at home and for me to be their main career - we both feel very strongly about it. We feel so strongly about it that I don't think either of us could be with a partner that didn't beleive in having a SAHP until the kids atleast go to school. I think it is a shame that maternity leave ends before many children are walking/interacting with you properly so most people only seem to spend what could be called the boring part of their childs life off of work. If you spend 24/7 with a toddler you never get bored!

galvanizersbaby

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money_saving_diva wrote: »

Hi I am a SAHM and we wouldn't have it any other way. It is a personal choice and I don't want to judge anyone.
All the descisions we have made since we met (9 years before we had a child) were made with having a family and me being a SAHM parent in mind. We bought our family home so it was big enough for the family we intend to have but made sure the morgatage payments could be made with just one wage. We were both on good wages and so our income has dramatically decreased since I gave up work but we cope on OH wage and have adjusted our lives accordingly. We want our children to have me at home and for me to be their main career - we both feel very strongly about it. We feel so strongly about it that I don't think either of us could be with a partner that didn't beleive in having a SAHP until the kids atleast go to school. I think it is a shame that maternity leave ends before many children are walking/interacting with you properly so most people only seem to spend what could be called the boring part of their childs life off of work. If you spend 24/7 with a toddler you never get bored!

Again depends on the toddler and the particular parent!

galvanizersbaby

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emlou2009 wrote: »

i do that i find myself counting down the hours til OH gets home more or less as soon as he gets out the door, and counting the days til his next day off straight after he finishes one

I did have PND following the birth of both my children so I'm sure that didn't help much either
DS was 17 months when DD arrived so I was busier but still had the same problems with getting out and about/meeting people etc....in fact in got harder

I reckon it's about about getting motivated/planning the day etc.. when they're that little
Does help though if you know plenty of other mum's and have good support though - that's what I'd do next time (though I doubt there will be one for me )