what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

galvanizersbaby

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efrieze wrote: »

Unfortunately, the more you earn, the more you have to lose if you don't go back to work. Both myself and my husband earn very good wages and we could just about live on one salary but choose not to. We want to be saving for our future and able to afford private nurseries and private schools and holidays etc if necessary and that means both of us working full time. My DD is a happy child and enjoys her pre-school anda fter school activities and my work is flexible so I can still take her there sometimes and attend her events if applicable. DD2 due this month and I will take just 5 months off (whilst doing a bit from home during my ML). Each to his own.

This in my experience definitely seems to be a factor in whether a mum goes back to work.
If you have a secure post (not so common these days) and a good salary that will means you are still in profit after childcare expenses you are more likely to consider returning to work.
This was a factor for me though I returned part time when mine were tiny then increased to full time when my marriage ended for financial reasons.

Many of the SAHM's I know of didn't have a secure job/career in the first place to return to or just had a poor paying job so once childcare is factored in they were out of pocket - perhaps that's different now with CTC etc... I'm not sure?

If I could do it all again I think I would go for the working part time option (my 2 are at school now so not at home anyway) - it's a juggling act really

galvanizersbaby

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OrkneyStar wrote: »

Of course it is entirely your choice to make .
Can I ask though, why do you feel private nurseries and schools are so important for your child ?
These are things I would not even consider tbh, partly because they don't really exist here, but partly because I think it is a waste of money.
I don't mean to offend you, am genuinely interested .

Are there no nurseries where you are OrkneyStar?

OrkneyStar

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galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Many of the SAHM's I know of didn't have a secure job/career in the first place to return to or just had a poor paying job so once childcare is factored in they were out of pocket - perhaps that's different now with CTC etc... I'm not sure?

I had a decent job and was paid more than DH, tbh we would have had slightly more money had I gone back to work, but not enough to make me want to leave DS. My choice, and I understand others have to/want to make a different choice on that one!

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Are there no nurseries where you are OrkneyStar?

I was referring more to the schools than nurseries tbh, I should have made that more clear.

milliebear00001

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SusanC wrote: »

What they mean is they don't want people who are living off benefits - they're not going to kick you out for CTC.

More specifically, landlords don't want people on Housing Benefit. Usually this is because they associate it with delayed starts to rent payments or unreliable payment. Other benefits should not be a problem. Most of the population receives tax credits of some sort!

jinky67

With DS i didnt work
By the time DD came along, I was working full time, but changed to working weekends
I was doing dayshift though, so we still spent time as a family

Then I was switched to back shift and it was no longer possible. Didnt like that so much

She is 8 now and obviously at school, but i am still working W/E, it is starting to grate on me though

pinkshoes

Using up savings

As much as I love and want kids, I also love my career, so I've done the sensible thing, worked hard, climbed the career ladder, and have set aside £15k in the last 5 years so that when I do have kids, I can do both being a mother AND work, because I'll be able to afford to drop down to a 3 day week for 3 years.

The thought of being a SAHM terrifies me - I'm sure I'd get bored!

milliebear00001

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duchy wrote: »

Never found my baby that dangerous personally !!

I am soooo tired of the SAHM attitude of "It must be one or the other". Plenty of mother's do both -either by working from home or by cutting hours. I did it myself -my jobs went from no hours to three days a week to shift work of evenings/weekends and nights so there was always a parent home. I still do it now as I now have two jobs both of which are based from home.
People will do what they feel is appropriate for their family-and what is appropriate one year may not be the same the next as both children and financial needs change or even a woman who thought she'd adore been at home didn't find it be what she expected. Until you've done it-you really don't know how it is going to work out. Of course some people are just grateful to have jobs at all in this current climate and don't feel they can afford to be picky.

This is interesting. My mum did the 'working in the evening' thing when we were kids. We always had a parent 'at home' but the difference was, we always had a knackered parent at home. One of the reasons we don't want one of us to work at all while our kids are young, is that way, we ensure a lot less stress for all of us. As the breadwinner, it means I don't have to worry about washing, shopping, ironing etc. I also don't have the worry of juggling childcare with work commitments (something that my working friends find very difficult sometimes). My husband manages all of that, leaving me free to concentrate on my work (and enjoy the kids when I am off and at home). I think our lives are less frenetic and stressful as a result.

I actually found being at home for 5 years quite difficult. I am not naturally suited to the 'baby-group/coffee morning' lifestyle. I was glad to go back to work and have my OH take over, but don't regret the time at home because that is what I believe was best for our kids.

I accept that some families need to have two incomes to survive. I live on a fairly 'posh' estate where many parents of the children my kids are at school with will say they couldn't possibly manage on one salary. What I often see though, is that really, they mean they need two salaries to maintain two cars, a larger house, a foreign holiday each year and a big Christmas spend. Much of it is about the trappings of 'success', which does seem to be increasingly measured in terms of how much material wealth you have.

This is not a comment on anybody's posting here BTW!

Krystaltips

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Both my parents worked... I (and my 3 siblings) would get palmed off into 'play schemes' through the summer, or my Aunt would bring her 3 children over and watch us... (I use the term loosely, she used to sit on her arris watching daytime TV and we would be kicked out into the garden to do such healthy things as tie my younger brother to the rotary washing line and try to set fire to the grass underneath him) There was never anyone to walk us to school or meet us afterwards, there was a list of jobs to be done ready for when Mother walked through the door... She would walk in at 6, cook tea, we would eat and be in bed for 7... She worked Saturdays too... I didn't actually know my Mum until I was 24 and pregnant with my first daughter... I don't want this relationship with my children and that's why I would rather not go back to work... But that's my choice...

flea72

SusanC wrote: »

That is not true - my OH is not unemployed but earns below average and we can afford for me to stay at home and would be able to even without means tested stuff like CTC

The UK average is £27k, now i would assume any family would be able to have a sahp based on that income. tbh anyone with an income over £20k should be able to have one parent stay at home by making 'cutbacks'

So how below average does your OH earn?

for people who earn between £10k - £20k its very hard to have a parent stay at home, because you are above most benefit thresholds, yet arent earning enough to have a life thats anything above just existing

Flea

duchy

I think your own personal experience have to factor into this and influence what you want. My ex was a latchkey kid from very early on whereas my mother also worked but only school hours and never holidays (she started as a temp-and when one September the agency gave someone else *her* job they contacted her direct and employed her on those terms direct).
Shirley Conran and her "You can have it all" books created an awful lot of knackered and guilt ridden mothers though-thankfully today it's more "Work/Life balance" .
The coffee morning circuit of SAHMs drove me nuts if I'm honest and after nine months of it I found a part-time job. It's all choice and there should be respect for all choices -mine changed over time but I made sure whatever I was doing I was always the primary carer. I honestly don't see the point of having children and leaving the house before they are awake and getting home after they are asleep just for a nicer house , better holidays/car whatever. To me kids won't remember those things about their childhood but I respect they are important to some.